yes, I know, he is hurting really bad and my children and his mom tell me to give him time. i have no time to wait. first he was stalking me now he wants the divorce again. I don’t get it. im very confused. I already apologized to him a long time ago, so he knows how I feel, it hurts me so bad that he knows how I feel and still keeps doing this. he was acting fine and then snapped, I didn’t chase after him even though I wanted to when he left outside in anger, his mom went outside he gave her a kiss and say bye and left. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m confused and a hot mess. 
now he still wants the divorce and I can’t stop him. if he chooses to talk to me later on what do I say to him? He isn’t going to back down from the divorce since his mine is settle on that, and i dont want that. I wish there was a way to convenience him not to do it, but that would be a miracle. any thoughts on how to get him not to go through with it. if he chooses to call me or text me, not sure he will, what should I do? oh my i’m stuck in a needle inside a hay stack. any advise? since he left me I started looking things up on the internet and thats how I ended up on this site,lol…any other tips or advise you have for me? I feel really hurt, his mom thinks he still loves me but this last month has been really neutral, and now this again. ugh, I keep having thoughts that I shouldn’t have but can’t picture him with anyone else as well as me. what can I do? or should do?
I honestly think you should just write him something… The truth… A letter… I did it, and it will give you a feeling that you gave everything you had, but in the end it’s still up to the other person if they want you back or not. His HURT. He wants you, but he’s clearly hurt… You should honestly write something down, read it for a few days and if you feel like it’s the right thing to do, then maybe give it to him.
so you think that in this point the no contact is over and i should write him a letter, I wouldn’t know what to say and i wouldn’t want him using it in court against me as well.
Well does NC work for you? If it does, keep doing it… If it doesn’t, then don’t. I’d much rather want an apology letter than a NC if my gf ever cheated on me, honestly… His broken, let him know how sorry you are. Maybe not by a letter, maybe just say it to him face too face…
well it has settle some what because he’s been calm. but now you see from last night to today the change he made. idk whats wrong anymore, and i’ve been losing weight bettering myself and he’s seen it and still keeps doing this, i really dont know what he wants from me. also i already apologized to his face a lot of times before as well. I really dont know what to do. im stuck in a breaking point, i really dont wish this pain or feeling on anyone else. it’s so bad for me.
Do this. Take your headphones out and your music. Put it on, and go outside for at least 1 hr. Just listen to music while you’re walking, do it at night… Because that’s when you get peace, and just gather your thoughts and “meditate” by yourself. Listen to some calm music, it doesn’t matter where you go. Just go outside for an hour with your headphones on, make sure you got flight mode on so no one calls you. Give yourself a break from all of this thinking, it isn’t any good for you. I did this tonight and it honestly helps a ton. I used to do this whenever I got sad before, don’t know why I stopped… But trust me, it will give you some peace with yourself! Give it a shot at least.
thanks I’ll try to do that, 
and you should too. I really don’t know what’s gonna happen with me. But I’m not ready and sure wont be ready. I’d wish he stop it all. I just want to go and give him a big hug and kiss, I feel hopeless whenI cant, or when he’s sick and I can’t care for him it makes me really sad. have a good night. and ttyl
okay I have a question. should I just send him a text message saying that i’m not signing the papers and that the judge is going to have to sign them off, and letting him know that I still love him and miss him? should I just text him that we should be friends and should go hang out? idk what to do anymore. what do ya think?
aamls, I haven’t read the whole thread but I saw in another thread you said you cheated on him a second time. Why do you think you wouldn’t do it again? How do you get yourself into these situations?
I feel sorry for the guy. I was cheated on too. If I got back with my ex and she did it again, I’d be murderous. In fact, I’m fairly certain there’s no going back after the first time. It has to be the most painful thing a man can experience.
are you judging me? because i came here for help, not to be judge as we all make mistakes, yes he was going crazy, but still I love him and always accepted him with all his flaws and don’t want to lose him and no it’s not worth it to lose the person you love at the end for doing some stupidity because of rejection, I would have rather dealt with that then the pain im feeling now, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. the problems that you think you have arent nothing compared to losing your loved one, and yes I’ve felt suicidal, for your info, I love him so much I would give the world for him and do anything to have him back. if you arent gonna give me advise on how to keep him please keep your comments to yourself, and yes he’s kinda in ways cheated on me before as well, not the same circumstances but same thing as cheating. I need him in my life,and no I wont do it ever again. and I do know that the pain is one of the most horrible pains a person can feel. so take that and times it by 2, because my father just passed away in july and he was like a son to him and he told me the day my dad was one month passed away and the day before my birthday that he got the papers, now like I said I know I hurt him bad and I want him back, i cant take away my mistake but i do wanna make it right. now if you have nothing but advise to give me I don’t need more pain and misery then what im feeling now. I know hes in a lot of pain, and i wish i could take it away. thank you for your comment and input, now do you have any advise for me at all on how to get him back and keeping me from divorce? keep in mind we been together 12 years with 2 children. I dont want to lose him, I feel like I cant anymore. thanks
btw theres been a lot of people who have done wrong and for years and stuff and they have been forgiven. also I like an idiot confessed it to him, at least I was honest, but he doesnt even give me that, and at first he was trying then he became cold. please help me, i dont want my family to break. i need him, hes my everything.
by the way I wasnt like cheating on him for years or anything im just saying, and yes cheating is cheating no matter what but I think I deserve another chance, I know i have to put my self in his shoes, and i am looking at it in his perspective as well but i think I deserve another chance as I am human as well and not perfect and If it was him he’d want me to take him back or not?
I’m sure he still loves you too. I love my ex. And that’s what tears me apart, is that I can’t take her back because I wouldn’t be able to trust her anymore.
Like my ex, it sounds like you want to sweep it under the rug. You might not cheat again, but he can’t ever be sure of that. Especially not after you probably promised you wouldn’t do it again after the first time.
Are you doing any counselling? Even if you think you don’t need it, at least it’s something to show that you are working on your problems.
I’m sorry it’s not what you want to hear, but sometimes shit happens in life, and you don’t always get second let alone third chances.
You obviously know your situation the best. He might take you back. He might do it just for the kids (I know one such couple where the guy was cheated on multiple times and then just said fuck it, and stayed together for the kids, but they had a miserable marriage after and once the kids got older they divorced anyway).
I don’t think this place is best when cheating is involved. I would head over to SurvivingInfidelity.com.
Thanks for the website I’ll check it out. Also I understand what you’re saying and yes it’s true, but supposedly according to the relationship rewind even if you were cheated on or you cheated you can get them back. is that true, havent been able to purchase it yet.does it really work? I also understand what your saying about the couple who divorced and had struggles, yes those are times one wouldn’t want to go through. Also I’ve thought about counseling but because certain reasons never went. I should go not only for that but for a lot of reasons and things happening in my life atm.(midlife crisis) I’m pretty sure he does love me as well, and the trust issues as well, but I know I can prove to him that it’s different. this hurts really bad and I now understand even more of the pain hes gone through, but how does he have the guts to do a divorce with still loving me then? I don’t understand. also is there anything I can do or say to him to help change his mine? what should I say to him when I see him? or if he was to call me or text me? what should I tell him when he starts talking about the divorce to convince him other wise? I dont want to lose him, I can’t, he’s my life and my everything. is there anything i could do, anything at all? how would you forgive your ex? is there anyway? is there anything that would make you go back that I could try with my husband at all? the way hes acting now makes me not trust him either. also why was he stalking me the other days? any explanations to anything. atm i feel so desperate. please help. thanks, btw have you read my whole story to have a better understanding of whats been going on lately? also why was he acting one way yesterday and crazy today. anything you could think of to help me out. should I text him and tell him how I feel, not that I think it’ll do anything, because I think he may already know how I feel. please help me, thanks
also I think when you really love someone it can defeat all everything in the way. I honestly think you should talk to your ex. does she want to be with you still? how long were you together for? if you love her, being on the other side and feeling the way I do now, I think you should give it a try. but only if both of you want it. I know it hurts on both sides and the pain is unbearable, but I also think that as human beings who make mistakes we deserve another chance. imho. if you love her I think you should fight for her and not give up without a fight. what makes you not want to give it another try?
Why do you think you wouldn’t do it again? How do you get yourself into these situations? I notice I didnt answer your questions. the first one would be because I can relate to the pain he’s feeling now that I wouldn’t want him to feel what im feeling at the moment ever again. hes always been my everything and I lost track and I failed him. I was honest enough to humble my self to confess it to him. and now this happened. theres a lot of other reasons but this is the most important one. the answer to the second question is this: the first time was that I did love my husband(bf) at the time but I was still in love with my ex at the time and well thats how that happened, i was weak and failed him. the second time it happened was that I had an asshole next to me. I wasn’t looking for it at all. my husband always was distant and would rather spend his time on other things and never with me. I felt rejected and lonely, depressed, ect, and this asshole kept talking things to me and making me feel good about myself, ect, and well until it happened. I didnt mean for it to happen or to do it or to hurt him or myself as Im still beating myself up for it. but I came to find out later that he never really forgave me for the first time and thats why he distance himself from me. I really miss him a lot and it breaks my heart that hes sick again and that I cant take care of him. this hurts me so bad. I want him back so bad, and I dont know what to do anymore to keep fighting for him. this hurts really bad. I just want him only him and no one else but him. please help me. im really desperate. if i see him and he wants to talk about the divorce, what should I say? should I tell him the truth that im not signing them that the judge will have to sign the papers, that I still love him, or what? any advise or help you could provide me with? im not gonna sign those papers.
If i were you, i’d stop the No Contact now. Write him a letter expressing all of your feelings and that you want to try again. Ask him if he’d be willing to give you time to proove that you can change and at that time it’s okay that you are seperated.
so how I would I write it and what should I write? can you do it in the email. Like that I could drop it off for him. cant he use that in court or against me? well depending on what I write right? here ive got to be very carefully. what if he rejects me?
also after showing me how you do the letter could you tell me how you think I’d I can prove myself to him. Im scared of being rejected. should I tell him to think about it for a couple of weeks and then to give me his answer? and then go no contact afterwards? is the letter a better idea then in person? probably right? I need help writing this letter really badly here? also what if he rejects me? thanks
should I tell him that im dropping the letter for him and get him soup or something? hes sick again.