Hello (native english speaker here)
So… where do i begin…
My ex gf broke up with me month ago due to trust issue. I had problem with her writing with her ex before me of 2 years as a friend. I tried to talk about this problem before with her, but she was very stubborn and kinda immature, because when i tried to discuss and solve the issues(every problems) with her, she chose to not talk about it and be mad. So before she broke up with me she saw my messages in my phone that i had been written with a girl who i dated for 3 years ago. There was no sexual intention, just a friend. And i did that just to make her jealous(yes, very immature of me) I was so devastated. I begged and pleded for weeks, and she acted so cold towards me. I thought there was no chance and she was over me(She said that to me). 3 days after she texted me that i would come by her place, which i did. I was so happy that she wanted to see me. Then we began to make out, but i could feel that it wasn’t right, hers feelings weren’t there. So i asked her if it was only for sex, which it was. She got very upset when i said that i still had feeling for her. We didn’t talk a couple days later. Then i found some videos on youtube about NC rule. I did reply NC rule for a couple days. During NC she texted me almost every night… very late night. First, i ignored her texts but then she texted me again that she hated me so much, and hope that i will grow up someday and realize what i have miss. I broke the NC and replied her why i have been ignoring her and told her that i had to work on myself and i couldn’t see her as a friend or friend with benefits. But she told me that she doesn’t want to be friend with me. So i visited her and we had sex that night, but i still felt like she was using me.
I tried NC rule again, and a fews day later she texted me again(not at night this time) that i wanted to take a walk with her, which i agreed to. The interaction i had with her that day was actually light and fun, she even mentioned that she was impressed by my self-improvement.(I used snapchat and instagram to post my rapport) Then when we got home, we kissed and kissed, and it felt like the first night we kissed. So i stayed at her place that day. We had sex and we talked for hours, She acted exactly like when we first dated, very kind and very chatty. When i was about to go home, she told me that i she loved me.
After that day, it had me thinking that i got her back, but nope… One day she was cold and distant, and one day she was lovly. I was very confused and felt like she was testing me or playing with me. So, i tried the NC rule again, but it had been on and off, because how she acted. And because she will be moving away to another town(2 hours away) to study, and we agreed to see each other as much as possible.
So, 2 days before she was leaving, which it was 25 december, and i had been drinking. I called her and that was when i screw everything up again. I tried to make her jealous(yes very stupid) by saying that a friend of mine did a setup a meeting with me and a girl who heard that i was single. And oh boy… it backfired… hard. I don’t know what im thinking there, but i thought making her jealous would make her wanted me and will be chasing after me. She got very upset and canceled our new years eve. I apologized to her and told her that the truth, that it was a strategy i used. She told me that is fine but she doesn’t want to talk with me. And i respected that.
So the day before she left, she texted me again that she wanted to give me my stuff back(not all of them) I went there to get my stuff back. Our interaction was very akward, because she was very cold and i could feel that, so we didn’t speak very much. And that was the goodbye. I wish i could do more i but i couldn’t.
It has been a week since she moved. I tried to do NC rule, but i failed everytime, because i found out that she was together with her ex(before me) again. And she still snapchat me once in a while, but never reply back…
But right now i am on second days of NC rule, and i have been improving myself everyday. I know that people think that i should move on, but i love her very much. So what should i do? Is is too late now at this point? Thank you for your time And sorry for my english.