Okay so readers digest - my ex and I together for five years, broke up in August but were still friends, now she has a girlfriend for the past month and a bit.
I’ve met up with her twice over the past two weeks and will see her again this friday. She told me after our first meet up one and a half weeks ago that afterwards, her new GF was ‘distraught’ that we’d met up, and I copped the blame. Then I told her I wanted to clarify some wrong points she’d made about me, suggested a phone call, or possibly lunch. She said maybe, would prefer the phone call, yet we ended up at lunch anyway.
Today I suggested we do an adventure (I played a little game with her first), she said maybe, that “[new GF] isn’t comfortable with me seeing you and to some extent it feels like cheating”. I told her it was just some fun, but a full day pretty much, and I want to stop being such a couch potato. She’s agreed to do it, not knowing what it is.
The question I have is this: if I’m making the new GF nervous, what do I do? I figure it could go two ways
The new GF gets jealous, they fight, might help break them up
New GF gets jealous, I get blamed, I get cut off from contact
I think go ahead with what you’re doing. When you meet up with just be confident and happy. Mention how happy you think they look and all that. Seem totally unfazed by their relationship and the new gf being jealous of you. You want your ex to think you’re totally ok with the situation, that way if the new gf does kick up a stink about you hopefully will see her as unstable and insecure and want to break up rather than blame you. The more ok and confident you are about the situation, the more your ex will be attracted to be.
Hope this advice helps.
Well the only thing with that is that generally, she isn’t happy - apparently the only good thing in her life at present is her new GF.
But I have been happy and cheerful around her, when she said her GF was being short with her due to my ex spending time with me, I just told I can’t control what her GF does or thinks, and that she can’t control who trusts her or not.
The day ended up going brilliantly too, she was interacting with me a bit like she used to do, so that was nice. At the end of the day - I mentioned again how much progress I’d made since breaking up (lost 13kg, getting fit, getting my life in order) she asked if it had anything to do with her. I told her it was because of her - the loss of that future we’d planned, seeing myself now at 30 and realising I couldn’t keep doing what I’d been doing, that I needed to change things. She said at least she’d had a positive effect on one person this year. Gave her a hug, wished her well, all good so far.
