My first text, my ex replied to me!

reconciliation
1

Okay, so I’ve gone for 45 days No Contact when I decided that I should already contact my ex. Of course, I expected the worst out of it, so I really built myself up to be emotionally ready for it.

I was actually pleased with how the texts went, because he replied pretty quickly to my first text that went:

“Hi, I know you don’t want to hear from me. I was ridiculous back then but it’s all good. Anyway don’t even regard that. I met with (his brother) last Tuesday and I remembered you. I gave (his mom) fruits because I heard she was feeling under the weather. Hope she’s okay.”

(I met his brother for a different reason and at a different place my ex doesn’t know about. I was his brother’s client. His mom means the world to him, so I gave fruits because his mom is a really nice woman.)

He said, “Hi. It’s okay. No worries. Yes, I heard from (his brother) that you met him. Thank you for the fruits for (his mom). How’s your dad? I heard also he wasn’t feeling well?”

(I shared some stories about my work and family to his brother during our meeting, and I honestly didn’t know that he would feedback those stories to my ex.)

I replied an hour later to avoid being really clingy. We exchanged 4 more texts about work, telling me his new area assignments, and wishing me luck for mine. I then ended the conversation with,

You too, good luck. I’m sure the year-end crunch will also take up most of your time. And I believe you’re still organising the wedding (of his officemate)? Hope you’re still doing that. I’m doing okay, I respect your decision and sorry for the crazy stuff I did after. Just know that whenever you need anything, cakes or noodles or whatever, you know how to ring me up.

(This last text was probably hard hitting, because I wanted it to be. I wanted to let him know that I still know and care about the things he loved, in this case, events management, and his family. Secondly, I wanted to apologize for the crazy stuff I did because I would get miserably drunk and hurt myself over the break-up. And I would pester him about it. Thirdly, I wanted to emphasize that I’m feeling much better and stronger because I’ve accepted the break-up and picked myself up all on my own. And lastly, I wanted to keep the communication line open.)

He didn’t reply after that but it’s gonna be a lot to think about when he goes to bed tonight. I plan on texting him two to three days later if he doesn’t text me first. This will be a slow and long process, but i’ll make sure I do it right. Will keep you updated!

2

Hi madie! Congrats! I think you did superbly!

I don’t know what the theory says about what should follow at this point, but perhaps you ought to wait more than that before you try to reach him again, otherwise it sounds like you didn’t mean what you said in your last message (you ended with: “get in touch with me if you want”, not “I’ll get in touch if you don’t”).

I really feel the ball is on his court now and he should be the one to get in touch, otherwise you’d be just contradicting yourself. Show him, rather than tell him, that you’re perfectly capable of carrying on with your days without needing to text him. I think that if he cares, he will find a reason to contact you again. You have opened the doors of communication already, which is incredibly hard. But in your place, I’d let him be the one to walk through them. It requires a lot of self restraint and confidence, but it’s what you’re trying to prove, isn’t it? That you are more mature and capable of being on your own? And I think by not rushing things, you’ll show him just that. Good luck!:slight_smile:

3

Madie, sounds like he placed you in the friendzone. I agree with teresaa about not contacting him until he contacts you. Since it sounds like you made major mistakes immediately after the breakup, you need to show him that you have learned from this experience and are no longer the very irritating/annoying ex. Wait until he makes contact then you will know whether he really wants to talk with you. Him initiating conversations is very different from him responding to messages from you.

4

Thank you for the positive reinforcement :slight_smile: I just found out yet another challenge to all this, which is extremely difficult to get around. I found out that he has another girlfriend a month after his breakup with me! Your advice will be great:

https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/any-advice-for-finding-out-that-ex-has-a-rebound-relationship/