So I’m on day 13 of NC and just today my ex texted me. Before we broke up, I was working on a comic and in his text he told me that he knew what one of the characters could say to the other.
It’s obvious that he just wants to talk to me since we broke up almost a month ago and it’d be very likely that I’ve already finished that comic.
Should I just ignore him? He always put a lot of value in being polite and etiquette so I can see him getting very hurt when I ignore him completely. Then again I don’t want to tell him that I don’t feel comfortable talking to him right now and need more space since I really don’t want to show him that he’s still in control of my emotions and I have a hard time moving on. Argh but just casually asking “what?” and then saying “haha good idea” is also so useless…
We’ve been together for 8 months, broke up on 11Nov and only had three superficial smalltalks since (I very quickly left him alone and tried to move on). His reason for breaking up was that he felt like the chemistry wasn’t working anymore between us. So a normal “It’s not you, it’s me”
@ceres - There’s nothing wrong with being honest and asking for space in order for you both to calm down as break ups are traumatic for both people involved. Saying he felt no “chemistry” with you is a legitimate reason for wanting to break up, but just wondering why he feels like that after only 8 months? There might be other reasons you haven’t included here…
I haven’t answered my ex and it feels pretty good these days. Right now I can feel myself slowly moving on. I miss him dearly every day but I begin to wonder if I would actually want to take him back if he would tell me he misses me a lot and wants too see me. He has always been a very high maintenance guy and I’ve been hanging out a lot with my friends these days. Being with them showed me how easy some things can be while they’ve always been a struggle with my ex. (e.g. he was very picky about every bar and restaurants)
Well he didn’t give me a lot of reasons. He has always been an avoider when it comes to actual problems. He’s like that to everyone, not just me. The last two months have been really hard on us since I was extremely stressed out and frustrated with my job hunt while he had to deal with a lot of sh*t at his workplace. Sometimes when we had a romantic day, he got a call from work, either needing to jump in for someone sick or it was one of his friends who’s dealing with depression. I felt like sometimes we didn’t really get to experience the lovey-dovey moments early on in a relationship because reality breathed down our necks constantly. I always thought we could make it through this phase and told him very often that I’m really glad we’re sticking together even though it’s hard right now. Well it was too much in the end. I also could have dealt better with my stressors (I had a very thin skin at times) I apologized for everything I felt I did wrong the second day of the break up.
A lot has changed in my life already, I found a very cool job. I’m gonna make good money again and can actually spend it. I’ve made a lot of new friends since the break up and am doing the things we used to do alone now. I feel like I’ve already changed so much from a month ago since I have a new perspective now with the job and can be more relaxed about things. But I’m scared that our wounds are still too fresh and we would fall into old patterns if we would actually meet up. And that I get really sad again. Because it still hurts to think about him and all the fun things we used to do together. But I can keep it at bay as long as I stay away from his FB and the like.
He texted me again today but I want to keep him out of my mind for a while now. Looking back at everything it feels like we could have had something beautiful but external circumstances kept us apart. Hopefully, eventually, we can meet again in a better part of our lives.
@ceres - I’m glad you found a new job you like and that you’re making new friends. It sounds like your ex is a “peace keeper”, someone who avoids and ignores problems in relationships and you’re probably more of a “peace maker”, someone who wants to talk about any problems there might be and try to resolve them. These two different types of personalities usually don’t get along well in the long run. Don’t feel guilty or imagine how things could have been, it was what it was. It’s all in the past now. Yes, maybe someday you two could talk about what exactly went wrong and why, then resolve to fix it. For now, you’re doing great with no contact. Wishing the best for both of you, whatever that turns out to be…