Hey there guys!
A bit of my thoughts here- Solid, this game of who makes contact first (which I have played lots and lots of times during the last year) seems silly, and it is.
The reason, well, one of them I guess, that she didn’t contact you yet, or pushed-pulled you and all that, is rather simple, at least, that’s how I see it; she’s the one who dumped you, and so she and all her friends think it was after careful thinking and not some rash decision. So, how the hell can she run straight back to you without looking like she’s this spineless girl who can’t back her own decisions up?
I’m not saying she’s like that, chances are she isn’t, but (and that’s one useful insight I got from Kevin), she has to be consistent in her decision. So yeah, while you showed that you’re open to communication (which is awesome) you need to realize a couple of things.
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NC DOESN’T SOLVE THE PROBLEM- it doesn’t. But it gives you both breathing room, to think about all that was and let some of the bad (and good) stuff sink in. If you just get back together a month after the breakup, it’s only cuz you miss one another, maybe just the company, maybe the individual, but you’re not really thinking whether or not getting back is actually SMART.
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There’s a very broad line between showing interest and chasing (been in both places), so yeah, showing her you still care for her as a person, while giving her the time and space she NEEDS (not wants, needs), makes you seem much less available, makes her wonder wtf, where’s this guy that used to be by my side all the time? Have I made a mistake? Because OBVIOUSLY you wanna get back, but you can’t force her to want what you want, she needs to realize how much losing you really is just that- a loss.
As to your last paragraph, come on man, who are you kidding? We’ve all said that last part, but nobody really means it.
What you’re going through is complete and utter shit, I’ve been there for the past 9 months, and I’m still there, and it’s shit, but I’ve made some peace with it.
Point is (since I’ve been rambling on forever), you’re right to think that NC doesn’t solve it, only working on it together does, but for that to happen, you need time. Not for her, screw her right now, FOR YOU! You got dumped, you wanna get back, and right now you’re having a shit go at life. But, and it’s a very important but, YOU ARE NOT THINKING STRAIGHT AT ALL (neither am I, but forget about that). As much as she needs time, so do you, cuz everything between you guys right now is in wayyyy high voltage, things need to cool down.
SOOOOO, to sum things up, things are shit, but they get better eventually. You can obsess about it all you want, but at some point (took me round 7 months), you’ll realize it doesn’t help one bit, it doesn’t increase your chances of getting back, it doesn’t do you any good, and it’s just not fun at all.
That’s what I think anyway…