I did NOT say start a conversation about the relationship! I said ask her what or when she wants to talk, like she said she wanted to the other night. I’ll say it once more, she ALREADY KNOWS you want the relationship! I also said, no more begging and pleading which would certainly come across as desperation. Words mean something, she wouldn’t have mentioned talking if she didn’t mean it. What that talk would be about, is anybody’s guess!! You said she isn’t one to contact first. The longer you wait, the more inclined she might be to just forget the talk and stay in limbo with idle chit chat as usual and stay in the friend zone with you. Again, who knows what the talk would be about? If you want to call her tonight, try it. Or you could send a text today and say “The other night you mentioned having a talk. When would be a good time to call you or get together?”. Then wait for her to reply to that specific question. Don’t keep asking it or keep texting her. Just wait… and wait more if no answer. You can do this and still keep your dignity. If you don’t ask, you’ll always wonder…
Yes, someday you might have to walk away gracefully and wish her well.
You’ve heard just about every side of advice you can get on the subject… talk to her or shut her out… everything from here is completely up to you.
You’re the one who knows you’re ex best
you’re the one who was there in the moment
and you’re the only one who makes the final decisions.
Ask yourself, what you want the final outcome to be…
What do you have to loose?
Patricia,
Thank you for your response.
If I sent something along the lines of this: “The other night you said we should talk. If that was true, let’s talk.” How would that sound? I don’t want to ask, or come off insecure. I more so want to state it. I want to be assertive.
I think I might wait until tomorrow. I pretty sure she has a busy schedule tonight. More so, my anxiety is still pretty hight. I am not sure if it is smart of me to talk to her while I am emotionally disturbed.
The first part is great! But do not say ‘IF that was true…’ Maybe say what you wrote: “The other night you said we should talk, so when are we going to talk?”
That’s assertive, yet gives her a chance to let you know when it would be convenient. Okay, best not to do it today. I understand how you would be emotional right now. Maybe wait until your anxiety level goes down somewhat…
Patricia,
One thing I have to ask though before I do this: Are you sure she is still feeling the same way?
I understand women better than I used. I know that women are very in-tune with their emotions. However, I also understand that a woman can feel one thing one day and then, feel something differently the next day.
Is it possible that she is not feeling the same desire to ‘talk about this later’ as she did two days ago?
No, I’m not sure she’s feeling the same way. How could I possibly know that? Women sometimes change their mind, but so do men. If she still wants to do the ‘talk about this later’ thing, at least your curiosity will be satisfied.
Wishing you luck…
Thank you for the help Patricia.
I have reflected on it. I am not sure that texting her about the talk is a good idea. “We will talk about this,” was her line as she was walking out the door. I don’t actually remember her saying later. I mean, it has been three days after the fact. She didn’t text me yesterday. I didn’t text her. The last contact I had with her was the third text message I sent to her on Tuesday. If she really did want to talk, she can show some initiative.
I believe she works today as well. I am not sure how smart of a play that would be to text her at work. I have a lot of things going on today with work and classes.
I think that if I do text her today, I would just text her to see if she even wants to respond. I might not even do that.
I might just cut communication until next week. I have a lot of fun things going on this weekend. I don’t need my weekend ruined because of my ex.
I am going to go about my day. If I text her, it will be because I want to. Not because I should. And who knows, maybe I will text her about the talk.
Update
I contacted her today. I think I really fudged up though.
I made it sound like I was trying to hint at hang out with her. I was just trying to have a light-hearted conversation.
Her last message was sounded like an excuse, but also sounded like she was actually busy. That wasn’t even my intention though - to ask to subtly hangout.
I didn’t respond to her last message. I am too disappointed in myself to respond.