My now ex boyfriend left me today. He had become depressed and anxious within the past year, and as his mental health declined, so did the health of our relationship. He admitted to having anxiety attacks and concerning paranoid thoughts. I was deeply concerned and pushed him to find help. He had poor work life balance and seemed overwhelmed with his life and the uncertainty of his future. He finally agreed to therapy and had his first session early this week.
After only one session, he seemed to become a mental health expert. He insisted that I “need help” and that I have “issues” and that I’ll feel “much better after therapy.” He then continued to blame all of our relationship issues on me and blamed me and the relationship for the decline of his mental health. He said I was a burden to him because he felt responsible for my happiness. I live a very fulfilling life outside the relationship and have a wonderful support network of family and friends. While I did suffer depression and suicidal thoughts after being attacked and beaten by a family member (a very traumatic experience for me), I sought counseling and was able to overcome my issues through the counseling. I did not expect my boyfriend to fix me.
He also said my behavior in the relationship was toxic. I definitely wasn’t perfect and snapped at him every now and then when grumpy and I even sometimes crossed the line when arguing. I had an abusive childhood that conditioned me to fight back hard in arguments. It’s been difficult to move past but I have improved each and every year. I have only changed for the better since the beginning of our relationship.
My boyfriend says that while he will always love me, and that he will miss me, he has to leave. He says he “doesn’t feel it anymore.” He says we are incompatible. He realized in therapy that our relationship can never work.
If that’s what he learned in therapy, how can I even begin to compete against it? He was very firm and solid in his decision to leave and his therapist backed it. Can I ever change how he feels? I have not contacted him since he left me.