Multiple breakups, chance of getting him back?

Hi! is it possible to get an ex back after multiple breakups, if the main reason of every breakup was my fault?
He´s been giving me major confirmation about “i´ve never felt this strong towards a person before, i gave you so many chances because it was you, i´ve never felt this deep connection with anyone else, i gave you more chances than what i actually could give because it was you, i would never give anyone this much chances, i gave you so much chances because i´ve never felt so strong towards anyone else” In the last relationship, he nearly broke up with me several times, because i didn´t change what i promised to change.

I promised everytime to change so he gave me change on chance on chance.

Last years breakup he wrote to me a month after no contact, but now he seems really over us this time because i didn´t change after all the chances he gave me. I didn´t change because i already had him… now i´m serious about changing, i don´t want to be this insecure, i want to become a happy person and i have to work on how to have confidence and less ego. The main reasons we broke up everytime was because my ego in fights (got big ego from insecurities, anxiety, 0 trust and being immature) does no contact work after multiple breakups? please help!

I also let the past from our past relationship get the overhand in our last one, i was still hurt from things we did, i grieved it so much i let it take over my feelings and i got cold towards him because of that. It´s okey to grieve, but i shouldn´t let that impact our relationship that badly. Now i really want him back, and i know what to work on.

Oh and we´ve broken up 3 times in 3 years now, with the same reasons… i´m working on myself now, and i know we would have a great relationship if i didn´t repeat the same issues… he´s not perfect either, he did wrong sometimes, but i know the biggest factor was me being ego and insecure

I see you’ve started another post with basically the same story.

How old are you both? In what way did you show insecurity and ego?

How did you wrong him? Did it involve another man?

I can only speak for myself but if I was using those words he used to you and genuinely felt that way, I can take a lot of abuse and keep coming back. I’d say you have a good chance. Things like cheating though would be a one strike game, I’d be amazed that you made it to three.

We´re both 1995, soon 24 years old. I feel insecure, mostly because of low self esteem and i have anxiety. I didn´t work on myself or my mental health, until he broke up with me a third time. I always felt attacked when he just asked me something, i got hurt when i didn´t even had to get hurt and therefore my ego came in. I always focused on what he did wrong or what he said in fights, never what i did myself, and i see that clearly now after the breakup. I´m working on myself, and i let him know that i´ve seen my issues towards him, i´m working on it and that i was sorry. I don´t want to feel so attacked even in the smallest fights, i don´t want to have a big ego in fights and i want to grow. I was really unfair. I hadn´t let go of our past in our latest relationship either, that made me numb and i didn´t show how much i liked him even though i really did like him alot.

No not another man, just plain selfishness from my mental health, immature, insecure, didn´t trust him, we couldn´t have a normal discusison because i always felt attacked or just talked about his faults and not so much mine. As i said, he gave me soooo many chances in this third relationship on changing my issues, i wanted to, but i feel like it was to hard for me to do that when i was so hurt over our past relationship, i let that take over the whole relationship. It´s just been a week since the breakup but i can even now see how bad i was towards him, by reading old messages and i´ve been examine my thoughts, feelings, why i´m always feeling down and insecure. I´m going to a psychologist now and it´s much more clear now why i´ve been this way not just towards him, but everyone else aswell!

Does no contact work after these 3 breakups and the circumstances? If i only changed in the relationship we would still be with eachother, if he acted in a way i thought was wrong he would try to change, but i didn´t. It´s been 3 breakups now, is it over for good?

Nothing is ever over for good.

Will NC work for you in this specific instance we will not know until you try.

Give him some time to cool off. Give your self some time to improve with the assistance of your psych. No contact.

If he contacts you say something easy like “It’s great to hear from you. I’m getting help for my issues from a professional and just need a little space to let our work take effect. I’ll reach out to you soon enough when I’m a little further down the path towards healing.”

Then resume no contact to the full 30 days; I wouldn’t consider that message a violation of NC so you won’t have to restart the clock. If he messages you in the last week of NC, extend another 2 weeks from the message. He will have plenty to think about in that time and miss the you which you are aiming to become.

Thanks for your advice! but what to do if he doesn´t contact me? he moves back to his hometown in 3 months after graduation uni, it´s 5hrs away from me with train… but that didn´t stop us before when we had long distance relationship, based on my story with him, and allt our feelings we had/have for eachother, should i ask him to meet up before he goes home? it feels like this was our final breakup because we broke up 3 times already… but i know if i improve myself we would have it so good, he said multiple times in the relationship “i´ve never felt this strong about anyone before, i really want to solve issues we have and move forward with you”

And it seems like he´s serious this time… last year when we broke up, he said “i don´t see us in the future right now” but he wrote to me a month after that. Now when he broke up, i begged and said i see what i did wrong and he answered “maybe i don´t want to be convinced, i think it´s too late” he was very clear with he would break up with me instantly if i didn´t change, but he said that in the beginning of our last relationship. He gave me chances every month in a half year from sep 2018 till now, we´ve broken up three times mostly because of my issues, maybe he means what he said this time? he also said he wants to grow, he finishes uni soon and wants to become grown and mature and he can´t be that with me if i keep doing the same things as i always do…

I would really need some advice if you guys see this post thanks :frowning:

Continue therapy for your issues and follow BoultonGoalie’s advice.

Yes! But what if he doesn’t reach out? I feel like he isn’t going to this time because i didn’t change, the biggest factor to our 3 breakups has been my faults…

Don’t contact him. He needs time to think about whether or not he wants to reconcile and give you another chance. But he gave you 3 chances already and you didn’t change for the better.

You’ve done enough begging and if you do it again, it will show you haven’t changed at all. He leaves for Uni in 3 months, so maybe about 6 weeks before he leaves, contact him to tell him of your progress and ask if he would like to meet up…

Hmm, everytime we broke up he blocked me everywhere for a month and then wrote to me on facebook, but as i said before i don´t think he will do that this time. He didn´t block my number now because “if you have a question you really need answers to just ask, but only if its really necessary” should i wait till he unbblocks me on facebook or should i send a text? we always talk through facebook and never on sms, what do you guys think? i´m not writing to him until i feel good and i´m not sad over the breakup any longer. I feel like it´s a bad thing to write to him on sms if he haven´t unblocked me where we mostly talk, or maybe i shouldn´t feel like that? because he broke up with me this time with the same reason as in the other breakups…? i mean maybe he thinks this time i´m not going to change so why unblock me…

Wait another month or longer. Continue therapy for your personal issues with low self-esteem and jealousy or however it is you displayed insecurity. Remember, guys want drama free and happy relationships.

But what if he moves on if i wait longer? He usually reach out after a month with no contact after we break up, but since it’s the third breakup, i mean he dumped me this time again because i didn’t change this time either when i really promised change. I think the chances are really small that he even unblocks me now! I don’t know, his feelings were real and he’s been saying in every relationship we had that ”i’ve never felt this towards anyone else, i give you so much chances because i really want us and i’ve never been happier” i want to prove to him that i can change, for myself and for the better. And i’m actually seeing some chances already and i’m happy over that. But Yeah, it doesn’t feel like he’s even going to unblock me even if he maybe has feelings left because i didn’t change in any of our relationships when i promised in two of them that i will and want to:/

Don’t contact him for at least a month. If you do, it shows you’re still insecure and needy!

If he’s decided to move on, he will. If he still has feelings for you he won’t. You need to stop obsessing about him and focus on improvements!

I understand, it’s been a month next week, but what if i’m still blocked everywhere except on sms? He Said he didn’t block me there because he wanted to be nice if i had a question or so… we always talk through Facebook otherwise. Should i contact him on sms or wait till he unblocks me on Facebook? Or maybe he doesn’t even unblock me there i don’t know

Whatever works. Wait at least 2 more weeks. You haven’t had enough time to change your thinking regarding insecurities and neediness! You need to become a calmer more stable person! Continue therapy…