I’ve a rather complicated situation. My gf tols me “we should be friends” and I replied “then I guess I won’t bother you anymore, If you need me you know how to find me”. I’ve a ton of mixed emotions atm.
1- as always, I blame myself. Perhaps I should’ve been more understanding perhaps I could have done more, perhaps I shouldn’t have accepted it.
2- Guilt, because the truth is she is just going through a really tough time with her father’s diagnosis of cancer and undergoing chemo. And back to #1, I blame myself.
3- I am reading all of this about getting your ex back, when I can’t think clearly on why I want her back. Is it because of guilt or is it because of love.
4- she had been avoiding my calls and avoiding seeing me for the whole week after we had a fight and eventually I txtd her don’t push me away I don’t want you to go through this alone and bla bla bla and got the “let’s be friends” txt. And she is going out, movies, salon, wtv. Even after a week when I asked to visit her she made an excuse that she will be with her father and later on I find out she went out so basically lied to not see me. So does she really believe now that she is better off without me?
5- It kills me that she is out there thinking that I let her down or I gave up on her at this time when she needs me the most of wtv. When I didn’t accept it because I want to give up on her now, but left no doors open what am I supposed to do? And when someone literally lies just to avoid seeing you you know it’s your cue out.
But the ugly truth is, she is the kind that pushes you away when she needs you then blame you for not being there. Or takes it out allllll on you with anger and abuse instead of turning to you. And that’s where I fail to actually BE there even though I talked to her several times about it and asked her to just try and open up instead of turning everything to anger and take it out on me.
I just don’t know If I should try the NC thing because this is a really tough time for And perhaps this is not the time to try it. Because if I know her well, she will keep hard feelings and a month later she will say you weren’t here during difficult times I don’t need you now.
She is going through an extremely traumatic time right now trying to cope with her father’s diagnosis. You didn’t let her down. You texted her that you don’t want her to push you away and that you don’t want her to go through this alone, so she already knows you want to be there and support her.
Yes, try the no contact in order to give her time to calm down. Don’t call or text anymore as it will just annoy her further. How long were you together?
We’ve been together a year. Her biggest issue is trust Which is what she got from her previous relationship. Sometimes when she is in a calm state she admits she has issues and it is not my fault. I do everything I can believing one day she will learn that I am different, but that never happened even after a year. She is just unsure I would be able to handle her at her worst and just ended it right there before I get sick and leave. Guilt and worry are killing me amd I keep blaming myself that maybe I should have done more to understand or not accept a breakup cuz the thing is It isn’t the first time she tries to breakup but I always try harder and tell her I will not leave and she comes back better as if it’s just to reassure herself that she is important. So I keep thinking maybe this wasn’t the time for me to quit but then again what could I do? If she won’t open up or agree to see me.
Please don’t blame yourself, you have nothing to feel guilty about! She knows you’ve done everything you can to help and support her. Not accepting the break up would not have improved her trust issues. It would just be more of the same with her jealousy popping up again and again, making you both miserable. Couple’s counseling or a professional therapist might be the only way for her to understand and get over her problem once and for all. Without trust, a relationship is doomed as it creates too much tension and unhappiness.
She texted me today. Asking how my mothers check up went (my mother has recently finished her journey from beating breast cancer). I replied after a while it went well and asked about her father. She replied with one word “fine”. And I didn’t say anything back. After a little while she posted something on Instagram on how people’s true colors show in difficult times and bla bla bla meaning “me”. As if she only asked to show me she is still better than me. Then I noticed she deleted all of my comments on Instagram and I wish I didn’t. Even deleted her own captions of “you are my sunshine” and other things. I don’t even know how to feel about it.