Might see my ex at a party this weekend

Breakup Help reconciliation
1

So I just saw today (on Facebook) that my ex is attending a party this weekend that I am also attending! When I was originally invited, I didn’t see his name on the invite list (because my friends throwing the party knew he broke up with me), but someone must have invited him recently and he put that he’s going.

To be honest, I’m super excited to see him because I’ve been working really hard on myself and my confidence has been going through the roof. However, I know I need to play it cool and not be desperate/needy. I know I shouldn’t read into anything, but I can’t help but wonder if he hasn’t come to get his stuff or changed his profile pics because he’s stringing me along. Any advice for the party?

If you want more info on my relationship, take a look at the other thread I started. Thank you, guys!

2

Hi!!

This happens to me all the time because my ex and I are on the same group of friends. Just be you. There’s this saying that goes: “Be the one they met, not the one they left.” Let him see all the things you’ve changed, and how you’re not all those bad things they last saw. However try not to engage him that much, instead see if he approaches you.

By not approaching him you are also showing him that you’re not paying that much attention to the fact that he’s there, which will make him think you’re moving on and that you’re in a better place (which, technically, you are!)

Best of luck!

3

Thank you so much! I love your positive vibe :slight_smile: I hope things are going okay with you and your ex. I’ll keep you updated!

4

Update! Today when I was working in a coffee shop at school, my ex came in. I waved and he waved back, then after he ordered he came and sat next to me! We ended up talking for 20-30 minutes - not about our relationship or the breakup, just updates on our lives and some memories. It was really nice :slight_smile:

You guys, I don’t know what to think! I was already excited about seeing him on Sunday at the party, but talking to him has made me even more excited. I can’t help but wonder if he’s closing in, because a guy who he was jealous of during our relationship will also be at the party. (Just to clarify: I never expressed interest in this other guy - we took a class together and worked on homework together because we were the only grad students in the class.) However, since the breakup, he has become the only other guy I would consider dating other than my ex.

Basically, this is a win-win situation for me because both of the guys I’m interested in will be at the party. Obviously, my ex is my number one and I am only interested in this other guy if things don’t work out with my ex and me. Even though I’m not going to jump into anything with either of them yet, the party should be fun :wink:

Anyway, let me know what you all think! Any advice from guys is particularly welcomed :slight_smile:

5

Any updates from yesterday?

My ex is also making his way back into my life, but Im not making it easy for him. He put me through so much that he should struggle too.

6

Great job! I agree that we can’t make it easy for them :slight_smile:

Also, I just wanted to mention that my ex and I had been texting for a day or two after we met at the coffee shop, so I knew he was interested in something. Honestly, I was hoping it meant he wanted to get back together, but more on that later…

So overall, I had a really great time at the party yesterday, but there were some low points for my ex. I knew (and everyone else could tell) that he was following me around and talking to me a lot. He also started touching me a little bit (nothing inappropriate, just flirty stuff). He ended up walking me to my friend’s apartment to use the bathroom, and while we were in there, he led me into one of the bedrooms. At first, I thought, “Oh, maybe he wants privacy to talk” (that was the sweet innocent girl in me), but then I realized he probably wants to hook up.

Which was the case. He didn’t necessarily say he wanted sex, but he started hugging me and tried to get me to lay down on the bed with him. So then I got up and said we have to talk first, and he wouldn’t really say anything, so I basically said you can’t have the benefits of being my boyfriend after you broke up with me.

I ended up getting a little upset with him later, and he apologized. I knew that that’s not the type of person he is and that he was sincerely sorry, so I asked if he wanted to go out and talk to make it up to me - which he did! We ended up going out for drinks and dinner and had a really great time! I could tell he has a wall up between us, but I know that’s just because he’s still confused about the breakup and unsure about me. We also briefly ended up talking about the party and I told him that I forgave him and we don’t have to talk about it anymore, and (for once) he actually said it’s okay if I wanted to talk about it more!

He was also very respectful and gentlemanly throughout the night. I know that the main reason could be that he still just wanted sex, but it was still really nice! And it showed that he is trying. However, there was A LOT of sexual tension between us and as the night went on we both started flirting more and we ended up sexting each other a little bit…

Also, just want to mention that he tried to make it clear that he’s not looking for a relationship with me (at one point, he said our relationship “needed to end” and while we were sexting he said that he wanted to make it clear that this was a casual thing). However, I think this is a normal thing for him to say since he ended the relationship.

Long story short - my ex has mixed feelings and is still super attracted to me. I was able to stand my ground by not letting him do anything physical (except short hugs and putting his arm on my shoulder), but we ended up sexting a little bit. At first, I thought this was a mistake and could set us back (which it still has the potential to), but I’m thinking as long as I don’t give in and sleep with him, this could be good for us? I don’t know, what do you guys think? Any advice?

7

Yes we have to watch it because the main reasons they return is either to not let you move on, to catch up and see if you have moved on,and string you along or to have sex.

You have to take it slow now. Let him initiate contact and meetings. You can initiate the second time, but not the first.

My ex is now afraid that he lost me. He even asked just like if he was my bf, if I have met up with a boy. And asked where did i meet my bf? Haha. I said Are you serious? I never said I dont have anybody I just changed the conversation when he acted like he owns me. He always went back to the same question but I just let curiosity take over. He has initiated contact since Thursday.

Im acting hard to get. I feel happy and decided to let him go. I guess thats why hes after me now. However he has alot of work to do. I will not break easy.

8

Wow! It’s funny how our exes came back around the same time.

Great job! Keep playing hard to get - but (as you probably know) that usually makes guys chase you harder :stuck_out_tongue: Stay strong!

I still love my ex and hope to reconcile, but I feel really good about where we’re at right now. He actually texted me this morning apologizing if he took things too far last night (with the sexting). I waited about a couple hours to respond, letting him know that he didn’t need to apologize but thanked him for checking in. We ended up running into each other again at school, and (like last week) he sat next to me and we talked for 5-10 minutes. Luckily, one of my friends walked by, so when I saw her I got up and said bye to my ex and left with her.

I can tell by the way he looks at me that he still likes being with me and still wants me. He also has initiated pretty much all of our interactions, but I know he’s still unsure so I’m going to continue letting him initiate most conversations.

However, because he has been taking the initiative, I don’t want him to think I’m not interested at all. If he doesn’t initiate anymore conversations, how long should I wait before initiating one? I was thinking of texting him toward the end of the week…

9

Yeah your ex seems interested. I hope everything goes well for both of you.

I think if he doesn’t initiate contact is because it’s your turn. Let him miss you for 1 or 2 days and then you initiate if he already hasn’t. Also make sure you say goodbye first. That gives you some sort of power over it.

10

@sallys - Pardon my intrusion. I DO NOT think sexting with him is a good idea! He tried to get physical with you and I’m glad you rebuffed him. But sexting is like teasing him and it seems a bit cruel. Also it won’t change his mind about the breakup. You might not agree, but that’s my opinion.

Things seems to be going well, but for now your ex doesn’t want a relationship with you… maybe someday in the future, but not now. Continue to work on the areas that made him want to break up with you.
Good luck

11

Yeah, I agree that it was teasing and is a bit cruel. I think we both need to set firmer boundaries now that we’ve started talking again.

And you’re right - he still doesn’t want a relationship. I know that he’s conflicted (for example, he texted me all day yesterday), but I ended the conversation around 8 pm because I was going out with friends and also didn’t feel like texting him all night was a good idea. In fact, after I said good night, about half an hour later he changed his profile picture on Facebook.

To me, this is the first sign that he’s trying to move on. The good thing for me is that I’ve already done a lot of the moving on, so even though it hurts that he still doesn’t want me back, I’m not as crushed. And like you said, I just gotta keep working on the things that caused the breakup in the first place :slight_smile:

12

Sally changing a picture doesn’t mean anything. Like Patricia said keep improving yourself. Moving on or reconciliation takes time. Just take it slow and let time speak. Just be happy with yourself. He has to figure out his feelings now that hes back in contact. Give him space. Keep control over this. Im rooting for you. It doesn’t matter if we don’t get our exes back but lets have the goal to be really happy and not bothered by this.

13

Thank you, leidy! That means a lot. As time goes on, the more convinced I am that I want to try to get him back. I just left a really bad work situation and everything in my life is going great, and (most importantly) I have been working on my issues and have seen a lot of growth. I’m growing more confident that we could have an even better relationship, but I’m just waiting for the timing to be right. Although the strong emotions from the breakup have subsided, I’ve realized that little, perceived rejections from him (e.g., changing his profile pic, not responding to a text every once in awhile) still evoke too much sadness in me for me to even think about talking to him about trying again.

Anyway, thank you again for your support! No matter what, with time we will be happier (with or without our exes)!

14

Hey Sally any updates??

I figured my ex just wanted to have sex. He actually started talking dirty and I told him we won’t do anything again. Then I asked him to come do a favor for me at my house. He actually said no and tried hard for me not to bring another man. He wanted my brother to do it. I got tired of his jelousy and told him if he wont be my friend to help me when i needed him that is best to not contact eachother ever again. I also said Ill search for happiness with another guy. He changed the conversation and I never replied. I actually blocked his number and erased his number. I actually don’t know his number so it’s great. Anyway Im having some fun with someone from the past. He is not an ex by the way. Just someone who I used to like and date. I just couldn’t be in a long distance relationship but we drive now haha. He comes over near my job.