Looking for Advice

Breakup Help reconciliation
21

Hi Carey,

I really wanted to meet this guy when we were dating but never really got a chance to, I wish I could have though. probably would have helped all 3 of us. Maybe he wouldn’t have talked to her as much if he knew she was with a good person. At least I think I’m a good person. I dont know if its true or not. Doesn’t really feel like I am these days. I honestly think its best for me to just try to take this guy out of the equation. She can only really text him right now as he is recovering, if she even is. They wont start dating for a while anyways. My plan right now is to continue as normal until 30 days where I can try to contact her again and see how it goes. I feel like I at least have a window of opportunity before she could even start seeing this guy. She did say she needed to figure stuff out on her own for a while though so I don’t know if she’ll be willing to talk to me in 30 days or continue to just be cold and unreceptive to me like she was for the last 2-3 months. I need to take him out of the equation and try not to think about it. Also I need to try not to keep thinking about her. I feel like I do pretty well for most of the day, then I’ll see something and it like triggers a memory of her or something and then I get sad or start thinking about her and how much I miss her. Its just really hard. I hope she’s at least doing okay during this time. I feel she’s all alone in this new state and doesn’t really know what to do. I wouldn’t really know what to do if I were in her shoes if I’m honest. She is strong and independent though, its one of the things I like the most about her, she’ll get through it. I believe in her. But this is what she asked for. I don’t understand why, but its what she wants and I have to respect that. I just wish she’d send me she messed up or wants to talk about things or something. I know that’s probably not going to happen but it would make things easier. Blerg.

Speaking of which, she did actually text me a few hours ago. But it was about paying leftover rent for our apartment. I kind of expected her to send something asking me about it at some point so I wasn’t really surprised. I felt I had to send something back as it was buisiness related and she was pretty much just asking if it was okay to have me pay for some of it. I replied with a simple “yuh”, not wanting to break the no contact thing. This is okay to do right? I didn’t send anything else.

Problem is now I’m just thinking about it, like I’d much rather she just send me she missed me instead. I’m over analyzing it honestly. God why do I always have to do this. I’ve just kinda been freaking out since then, which sucks because I was doing really well today. I need to find more things to do for myself. One of my friends is coming over friday. I’m going clothes shopping with another friend of mine probably Wednesday. I think I’m going to start learning how to cook some more. I’ve always really liked cooking. I think I’ll pick out a recipe tomorrow and buy the stuff for it when I go get groceries. Maybe I should join a gym. I kinda like working out at home though. I want to try to really make a good impression on her when I end no contact. she might not even want to meet in person though.

I like your suggestion about maybe trying to go out on dates with somebody. I don’t know if that’s going to happen because honestly I don’t meet that many girls. But maybe I should try to. I still want to be with her but I think it would be good to get some more experience and confidence before I break no contact. I’m on like day 16 or 17 now. I need to do more though. I still feel kinda messed up at points. Been a bit better lately however.

22

It’s good things are beginning to get easier. The memories will always be there though. There’s a lot of things during the day that make me think of her. Mainly music. I’ll get pretty down suddenly and really miss her. The only difference is that the sadness goes away a little faster. And you have to just embrace the memories. For a while I couldn’t listen to this certain song cause it’d just put a knot in my throat and make me cry. Today I listened to the song on my way to school. I would’ve liked the song a lot if not for her. But those memories that make you miss her so bad, those will be around for a long time. Probably a year or more. So it just takes some getting used to. One memory that really gets to me still is one over this last summer. I was over at her house and I was sleeping. Well she used to stay up all night cause she had nothing to do over the summer. Well I was asleep and she I guess just stayed up and for a while she watched me sleep. Every now and then she’d kiss me. It’d wake me up and at the time I was a little annoyed. I didn’t show it. I just kiss her and go back to sleep. But that feeling it gave me… later on when I thought about it, I just felt that love from her. I just get so down when I think of that. I try to put it far away in my mind but sometimes it just comes out. I want to feel that love again from her. That’s why I’m going to wait like I am, just for a chance to make it work again.

I think now that you’re on day 15 or 16 now, you should think about what your bad points in the relationship were. Just focus on you, not her. This k about the last year. It may help you kinda understand things a little better.

And it might be a good idea to go to a gym. Might cost a little more but you’ll have a chance to meet some new people. And doing things you like is a great way to clear your mind. So cooking could be a really good thing for you. Try to start doing things that’ll get her off your mind. And try really hard to stop thinking what shes doing or wishing she’d text you. I did the same but the texts never came.

Keep continueing onward. No matter what you have to get up and keep moving forward. You just have to wait patiently for your chance to start over with her. Sorry I didn’t respond sooner. I was pretty busy today. Alternator went out on my car… $150 I won’t get back -_-

23

i NEED ADVICE TOO!! PLEASE I STARTED CONTACT!!! PLEASE HELP ME I NEED ADVICE!! I STARTED AND IT WENT GREAT HE MADE A CONVERSATION. I SAID “Hi nicolas how are you! I heard you are in germany right now. I hope everything with your moms expo is going well, I was at nationals during the weekend and everybody says hi and asked about you, I hope you are well! and he answered like this…. “Hello Pau! I’ts great to hear from you and read you, Yes! Here we are! My moms exposition its great, she did an amazing job. How about you? How are you? How did you ski at nationals? Big kisses Pau….the conversation is going I just dont know how to finish it without being a mean or like making sure he will text me back….

I wrote back! I answered to his questions! I said “thats good! Im glad! Tell her i send my best regards! I skied amazing, I even made the Panamerican’s team that’s in two weeks! I got second in slalom caused i messed up!”
He said ” haha thats good! Im glad to hear you are skiing pau!”
And then i said “yes!! Uts going well! My brother and sister also made the team”
He said “wow!! Thats so good!” And then i wanted to en the conversation to not make it long because yes i know he is busy in germany! And i texted “well i hope everything goes well over there! Kisses to all of you”

He read it and he never … and that got me worried… like i knew the conversation was going to end at some point! I was saying goodbye and he just read it… now im worried… or i dont know how to approach him again or when or in how long! I dont know how to start it again…. it was going so well! But then insaid goodbye and he never answered… i know i have to wait a little to contact him again i just dont know how long or how to start it again! I dont want to look needy or anything… like maybe ask more about him or how he is doing! Please help

24

Be cool. You’re all over the place. You’re freaking out and warping the meanings of his texts. Analyzing them too much. You just have to stay cool and think about what to say next. Continue to go slow. Eventually you won’t have to start the conversation. Just keep it short but interesting. No matter what keep your focus on yourself. It’s important. You can’t go through no contact just to freak out as soon as they text you. Maybe wait a day or two. Stay busy during those days. Have something ready to talk about. If he doesn’t respond, don’t think too much into it. He’s in Germany so I’m sure he’s pretty busy right now. It’s great you’ve made it this far. Just stay patient. He’ll warm up to you eventually. Good luck!

25

I know I’m late to the party. I’m sorry. I didn’t read all of these, just the beginning post. So I’ll keep it short (or try to)

First, it sounds like she was lying off her ass. I completely believe it. She knew she had feelings for this guy right from the beginning. You confronting her pushed her further away. How do I know this?

Because she freaked out when you went on her messaging app.

People in relationships as long as you guys were in don’t just freak out over stuff like that. She was hiding something, guaranteed. All the sweet stuff that you did for her before the breakup didn’t have an effect at all. Because if you don’t think that she went and told him you tried going through their messages, your nuts. It gave him the perfect opportunity to make him look like a better guy and you look like an asshole.

But I think its interesting how the tables turned once you broke up. She didn’t know how she felt. That’s a good sign. It means she was doubting the breakup and she was probably having regrets. She probably started having them more when you were so supportive and there for you when she needed someone. I know NC is a powerful tool, don’t get me wrong, but every woman loves a guy who will be there when she needs something most. And you certainly were. She didn’t forget that.

Currently, she’s trying to figure out who she wants to be with. You or this guy. I know you went through her messages and everything but, you guys have history. You lived with each other and stuff. What’s this guy got? Literally. Probably nothing. Once the newness wears off she’s gonna feel bad. Really bad. I think the newness DID wear off actually, seeing someone hit the concrete from three stories high will do that. Its traumatizing, stuff like that. I think shed be pushing you away even if your relationship was perfect and something like that happened. Its all part of the healing process.

Anyway. My advice is keep in NC and just wait. I think she will come back eventually, she just has to get there on her own terms.

26

Similar thing happened to me, girlfriend got a new job and these single guys were hitting on her
Usually she’d tell me and she didn’t and I found out from someone else this guy was firing in about her
It caused a big argument between us because she played it down and took this other guys side over mines
I love her and she loves me she said but I just think you don’t treat someone you love like that
I think your girlfriends fucked up big time and I’d stick out the 30 days
You deserve so much better than that
And to her work mate he’s a snake by the sounds of it

27

Hi Carey,

Sorry its been a few days since my last reply. Situation is still pretty much the same though, just trying to make it through each day. Some days its fine, other days its really tough. I really wish she’d send me something, every time I look at my phone I hope that she’s sent me something. Idk why I keep thinking that’s going to happen. That memory you mentioned in your post is pretty nice. I remember there was a time my ex got really sick for like a week. She couldn’t sleep for a few nights in a row. There was one night she was keeping me up, I honestly probably shouldnt have been at her apartment when she was sick but I wanted to be there. She got up at like 3 in the morning and started watching star trek. I got up and started watching with her. It was actually a great time watching that early in the morning even while she was sick and I just wanted to sleep. Its hard to not think about those nice memories. I hope I can make some more memories like that with her someday. I hope you can have some more memories with your ex as well someday Carey.

I’ve been really confused lately why she’d ask me not to talk to her. She said she needed time but didn’t know how much time. I just really wish I could get inside her head and see what she was thinking. I have no clue how she is doing. I feel like I’m trying to put back together a puzzle but 75 percent of the pieces are missing. I’ve been doing no contact for like 22 days now. If she asked me not to talk to her should I try to talk to her after the 30 day threshold or just continue to wait?

I’ve been cooking quite a bit lately, went clothes shopping again a few days ago and have ran the last 5 days since its been great outside. I feel pretty good lately. I’m trying to be patient and work on self improving Its really hard not to think about her. Any updates on your end Carey?

28

Hi Paulina,

Good to see he responded. I don’t know your situation or whatever but the most important thing is to be patient and cool like Carey says. Its really difficult, but you almost have to play hard to get with them from what I understand. This person seemed generally receptive to your conversation. Which means first contact went well. I’d say in a few days send something again. See how that goes. Soon they might send you stuff, who knows. Remember, you are playing the long game here. Be patient.

29

Hi qazwsxedcrfv,

Thats a pretty great name. Gotta be hard to pronounce lol. Maybe you just hammered down on a bunch of the heys on the left hand side of the keyboard in a row ;).

I agree it really seems like she was lying off her ass from the beginning. I don’t really think I believe she would do that to me. I really don’t think she’s the type of person to do that. Honestly I don’t think she would lie to me. Having said that, it definitely seems like its a possibility. And that really sucks. I suppose you are right though when she freaked out about me checking on her texts. I feel like she had a right to be angry, but she was angry at me for a loooong time. Longer than it should have been imo. Lots of people that I talk to agree with me on that. Its weird though, one of our mutual friends called her out on that possibility and she got really upset at him, from what I understand she said something like “do you really think I would break up with a guy of 2 years because of some guy that I’ve known for 2 months?”. I also asked her directly like 3 or 4 times if she broke up with me because of him. I believe her when she said it wasn’t because of him. Problem is, it doesnt really add up. She went over to his house the next day after I left. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why she did that. Thats what really makes me doubt the things she’s said to me. I want to believe she’s telling me the truth, and I do. But there is definitely reasons for me to doubt her as well.

Ughh god this guy probably did look super great and I looked like an ass for checking. I really wish I wouldn’t have done that. I feel like I definitely did something wrong, but I think its really the only big thing wrong that I did in the relationship. I dont think its something she could break up with me over. She should have been mad at me for a few days and then gotten over it. I made a mistake. But instead she pretty much made me miserable for a month and then broke up with me. She said it wasn’t all because of the texting thing but it really feels like there is something more going on or something she just hasn’t told me. Unfortunately I cant talk to her about it since she asked me not to. I really wish I could talk to her about things just to see where she’s at. I think she’s a good person, I still love her and I still want to be with her. I just dont understand why she is doing all this. I really don’t.

I’m glad to hear you say maybe she was having doubts after the whole hospital thing. I still don’t think she knows how she feels right now. My concern is that by me doing no contact she’s just going to keep talking to this other guy and growing feelings for him. I’m trying to work on self improvement a lot during these 30 days. I hope she’s having some doubts or regrets, like you said she might be.

Based on what you said in your last paragraph, you say you think she’ll come back but it has to be on her own time. I think you might be right, I hope you are right my man (or woman, can’t tell your gender based on username :slight_smile: ). I really do. I’m on day 22 of no contact right now. Do you think I should send something to her after 30 days or continue to wait for her to come back on her own? Any thoughts?

Thanks for the response, honestly I think your words really helped.

30

Hi Prod98,

Sorry you had to go through a similar situation. Its really rough :/. I dont think anyone should go through this stuff. Its really difficult. I think my ex really has messed up big time. I’m just not sure shes realized it yet. I hope she will one day. Maybe she already has, I don’t know. I hope your situation plays out well. Are you doing no contact now too? What day are you on? I’m on day 22, I’m trying to stick out a few more days before deciding if I should wait longer than 30 days or if I should reach out to her. She did pretty much tell me not to talk to her. Which sucks, I dont know if I need to wait for her to send me something or if I should make the first move?

This guy really doesn’t seem good for her imo. I can’t really tell her that though, this is something she has to decide on her own. From what I understand he seems nice and all, but he also texted a girl in a 2 year relationship quite frequently which doesn’t seem okay to me. I just kinda wish I got to meet him before all this went down. It would help me get to know this guy so he’s not just some enigma in my mind. I just hope she realizes someday, preferably soon that I’m better for her. Because I really think I am, I think we were good together, I think we can still be good together.

Thank you for the words. They really help honestly. I’ll continue to check this thread regularly so I’ll actually reply quicker next time :slight_smile:

31

It’s good that you’ve gotten through these days. 22 days of no contact is rough. But you’ve done great so far. Keep finding things to improve yourself overall. You’re getting closer to that day 30 mark. And I bet you’re feeling that pressure. I did. As far as you contacting her, that’s up to you. You know her and your situation better than anyone. It might be a good idea to check up on her through a friend if you can. Ask how she is. Or if you can’t do that, look at her Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, ect. You might find out some info to get a better grasp on the overall situation. Do that on day 27 or so. Until then keep working out, cooking, being around friends and distracting yourself. I’ll go over the scenarios of after no contact.

Scenario 1: you contact her after day 30 and she contacts back. You have to be ready. No talking about the relationship! Your relationship before is now over. So you have to start over. Be polite, positive, happy. You cannot show any signs of bad emotions, even if they’re swimming around in your head. You must be confident and a friend. Talk about what she wants to talk about. Start slow and keep it short. Maybe ask how she’s doing to know her situation. Just don’t let the past conflict with your conversations. If she wants to talk about it, she will. And if she does, keep your emotions in check. Do not point out her mistakes at all. Focus on yours and apologize for them. Just remember it’s a new relationship. You and her are different people now. So it’s new yet the same. She obviously loved you at one point. She can love you again.

Scenario 2: you contact her but get nothing back. Remain calm. She’s not ready. Don’t try again to contact her. It’ll make you seem desperate and needy. I know it’ll be hard. But you have to keep cool in that situation. Just go on like normal. Keep your focus on yourself. Try again in another month. Maybe she’ll be ready by then. But again you know her and the situation better than anyone else. So be smart and be patient.

Scenario 3: you choose to continue no contact. I chose this because of my situation. My ex is still having sex and getting high with this new guy. So I felt anything I did wouldn’t really matter. I assessed the situation and made a smart decision. If you do choose this path, keep focusing on yourself. And be ready for the time when you do contact her. Or maybe she’ll even contact you. And since you’re past day 30, you can respond without a problem.

I know you wish she’d just say something to you. Me too. I’ve waited for her to tell me she messed up and sorry and blah blah blah. I’ve realized that this won’t happen from my ex. She’s stubborn. At this point you should stop wanting it. Ik that sounds a little harsh and yeah its hard… but it’s a little obsessive as well. That’s why I stopped thinking it. It’ll help you focus on yourself a lot better.

As far as me. Today’s tough. It’s her birthday. Im just confused on how to handle today. I was going to send a card but I didn’t. So I’m just kinda letting today pass by. I’m beginning to really get into that “missing her badly” stage. I’ve kinda felt a little empty the last few days. The relationship with that new girl kinda fell out. I knew it would. But we haven’t texted in a few days. It’s not a big deal though. I knew it wouldn’t last with me stuck on my ex. She’s still with that guy though. So every day it seems like she moves further and further away from me. It’s tough to think about it now… moving on. I’m conflicted. She’s not the girl I used to love anymore. She’s changed so much. And not in a good way. Maybe one day I’ll figure things out. Right now, I’m just going to start preparing for the worst and start moving forward from all this. Maybe she’ll figure it all out someday and want me back. Maybe not. Either way I just need to keep moving forward in my life. One day I’ll feel better. For now, dog days.

I’ll let you ready all this and once you respond we can talk about your ex and this new guy. It’s important you know what to do if she does decide to be with him or becomes close to him. Hope to hear from you soon.

32

I contacted my ex by post
Just sent her a postcard I’d got her and said I was fine with the break up
Told her we needed space
Wished her well
Told her I’ve made some good changes in myself
I’m probably at 30 days around now
She text me saying thanks for the post card that she liked it
Since then we’ve spoken everyday day but only small chats and it’s been upbeat and funny
She’s even tried flirting with me
I’ve then ended it by saying I’m off out etc
I’m just trying to play it cool and see how it goes
But like me I wish I met this guy also
I wanted to take my anger out on him but I think she was a fool more
I’m not sure if she did cheat but I know if it was me doing what she done she’d of had a lot more to say about it
I believe in time your girlfriend will realise herself how much she fucked up
I think it takes time for them to see this new guy isn’t right for them
Maybe feels good at the time because they know it’s wrong etc
I had a girl chase me in work before and fell for it
I thought she loved me but we lasted 6 months
She had a boyfriend and came onto me etc
I look back now and see she was on a rebound with me
I thought she loved us but I think she may of just been confused and used me to get out her shit relationship

33

Hi Carey,

Sorry its been a few days. Been trying to keep busy. Had kind of a rough day mentally yesterday but doing a bit better today. I really appreciate your message. Its nice to see all the potential outcomes laid out. As you suggest in your first paragraph I’m not really sure how I can see how well she’s doing. Theres a mutual friend of ours I could talk to but he’s kinda screwed me over before so idk how much I trust him. I’ve been gone off facebook for like 3 weeks now and she doesn’t really post anything anyways. Not really sure what to do there.

I’m on day 25 now I think and I’m really starting to feel anxious honestly. What if this doesn’t work? What if I put in all this effort and she still doesn’t even want to talk to me or has already moved on? Here’s what I think will happen, I’ll send her something and she’d probably reply. But after a while she’ll start to close things down and ask me to stop talking to her again. Maybe she’ll say she’s not ready to talk again or something, even though she could easily be talking to this other dude instead of me which makes me feel terrible. I don’t know how things will turn out obviously. Maybe she will have actually missed me and want to talk idk.

I’m not sure I’m ready to try to talk to her again, problem is I’m scared if I don’t she’ll just continue talking to him and maybe I’ll miss my window or something. On the other end, she might not want to talk to me right now if I talk to her and it could push her away even further. I’m just really scared it isn’t going to work or she’ll have already moved past me.

Sorry to hear your ex is still with that guy. I’d bet money it wont be for much longer though. Gotta try to be patient.I know you already have been, considering you’ve made it this far already which is great. I think you can keep going. I’m struggling with the thought of spending the holidays without her. Its kinda tough to think about.Probably should avoid thinking about it I suppose.

Sorry it was her birthday a few days ago. That had to be rough. Hope you got through it okay.I’ve been feeling a little empty the past few days as well. I hope it comes to pass soon though.

Sorry this new relationship with the other girl kinda feel out. It was expected but at least you had a good time probably?It did help prepare you for the future I suppose. Maybe I’d try talking to her some more if you are going to try to move on like you say. I don’t know, up to you though.

How have things been lately? Also like you mention what do I do if she decides to be with him or is already close to him? I feel like she defs could be. She did say she wanted to be single for a while though, but that doesn’t really make me feel any better. I don’t even know what she’s been doing lately. I hope she’s doing okay. I really miss her.

Sorry for taking forever to reply. All the best.

34

Hi Prod98,

Sorry you’ve been in a similar situation. Its rough. At least she’s been talking to you from what I can understand. Thats probably a good sign :). Honestly it doesn’t really matter what happened in the past if you really want to start over with her, because thats what it is, at least at the beginning, its a new relationship. I think over time it migrates together. But at the outset you have to treat it like a new one. I think there will be less animosity between you two then.

I’m really glad to hear you say that you think in time she’ll realize she messed up. I really hope you are right. Its just frustrating and annoying and hard to wait this long I guess for her to try to figure things out.

Any updates to your situation? Sorry for taking so long to reply my friend.

35

It’s great you’ve been busy. As you get close to day 30 you’ll def get pretty nervous. You have to try to suppress these nerves. It won’t help prepare for the day you try to reach out to her again. Just use what youve learned from this site and try to look back on the last month and really take a look at how you’ve grown as a person. Leave behind the bad and continue forward with the good.

I used to read a lot. I loved reading. There was a great book series that I could dive into for hours and hours. The author used great details to really drive the story. It was set in a medieval like time. One thing ive always remembered from the books is a motto one of the main characters used to say. “Have a good plan, but always prepare for your plan to fail.” Technically saying, prepare for the worst. Now if she’s with this new guy or is talking to him seriously still, remain calm through it. There’s no way she can go from having a relationship with you to a new, great relationship with another person so quickly. You have to take a lot of time. Like almost a year. If she’s with him just remember it’s not for good. Yeah it’s a shit bummer but you just have to keep going on. Stick to the plan. Each day you get stronger and she only gets weaker. I’ve had to deal with the fact that my ex is with a new guy, already having sex with him… it’s really hard to think about sometimes. But I’ve gotten through it and just learned to accept it.

If you can’t get any info to assess the situation then you might just have to trust your instincts. Ik it’s pretty hard to do. But you know her (for the most part). Just send the letter if you feel the time is right. If it’s not, just wait. She’s not going anywhere. You can just wait for the right opportunity to present itself. Timing is seriously everything.

For now, keep busy like you’ve been doing. It’s good you dont immediately respond and sit on this site all day everyday. You’re staying busy and working on yourself getting through these rough days. Continue to stay strong.

As far as me, things aren’t exactly great I guess. Yesterday I dropped of my letter. It pretty much said “happy birthday, sorry I missed that. I’ve accepted the breakup, been pretty busy with college, sorry for the way I acted in the beginning, hope you’re doing well, maybe one day we can catch up as friends.” So far, no reply… so the only thing I can do now is wait. I feel like eventually I won’t want to wait any longer. For now I’m not too concerned. I kinda felt like it may have been too soon for the letter. But it is what it is. For now I’ll focus on college and working out. I’ll most likely get a weekend job too. There’s a really cute girl at my gym that I want to talk to so bad but I’m so bad at starting conversions… maybe one day I’ll just say fuck it and approach her. Until then I’ll just continue to awkwardly look over at her from time to time…

Take these last few days to collect your thoughts and think about if it’s the right time for you, not just her. I understand you really miss her. And ik how every thoight seems to be of her. But you can’t let them get in the way. You still need to be smart and patient right now. In all honesty you’re the only one who can decide when to try to contact her again. It’ll be tough. If anything, just keep going on. One day you’ll have your chance. As far as the holidays go, yeah I’m right there with you. I’ve always gone to her families house since we started dating. It’ll be hard this year. From the looks of things for me it doesn’t look like I’ll see them this year. I kinda hope she brings her new boyfriend with her. Her dad knows a deadbeat when he sees one. More points to me in the end… but yeah, holidays suck. Just continue to be strong through them. Ik you’ll make it. Youve come a long way already. Hope these next few days are good ones for you. Till next time.

36

Hi Carey,

Sorry things have been a bit rough for you lately. They’ve been pretty rough for me as well. I’m still really terrified this isn’t going to work or she is just going to tell me she doesn’t want to talk or something. But then again, I have no idea where she is at. I kinda freaked out for a bit today thinking about all that stuff. Doing a little better now. Made some dinner in the crock pot and did some lifting at home. Helped me get my mind off things.

What was the series of books you are referring to? I’m legit curious. I don’t do too much reading anymore. I’ve almost finished listening to The Count of Monte Cristo on audiobook during work. Its probably my favorite book ever. I think after I finish that my friend recommended me the Night Angel trilogy. He says its supposed to be really good. I think I’m going to check it out.

Anyways, I’m still kinda on the fence about sending a letter to her. I might honestly just start with a “this reminded me of you text”. I dont really know how to send a letter to her. I dont know her new address. I suppose the apartment complex we used to live together in would have a forwarding address probably. My concern is that might take a few days. I think she might go back home for a few days around thanksgiving soon and I don’t want the letter to get stuck sitting in her mailbox when she might not be home. Also I know she doesn’t really check her mail that often. My concern with that is it might complicate timing. Also, honestly I think the letter might be a little cheesy but maybe it works I don’t know. What do you think?

I hope she replys to the letter. I really do my friend. Maybe reach out to your friend close by her and see how things are going on her end. I’d bet that relationship with the other dude is going not well. I wish I knew more about how my ex is doing but I don’t have a good way of doing that really.

Holidays will be a bit tough, we’ve always usually been apart during the holidays the last 2 years actually since we were in college we both just spent time in our respective hometowns. I was kinda hoping this year would be the first time we actually got to spend it with each others familys. Maybe we still can. Maybe someday in the future we still can. Honestly some of the best times I spent with her in my opinion is we’d occasionally spend weekends in her hometown with her parents. She’s really close with both of them, I really like them, and they really like me (I think? lol). I really just miss sitting together with them and spending time together. It wasn’t always the most fun thing we did together. But it was really nice and peaceful honestly. I really miss that :/.

Btw, I have a decent way to start a conversation with a girl you haven’t met before. Now I’m not very good with girls obviously so take it with a grain of salt, but it seems to work. I always compliment their shoes. Girls like shoes and talking about shoes. So often I’ll just say something like “hey, I like your shoes, where did you get them? etc.”, seems to work most of the time. Sometimes they’ll ask about your shoes back so be prepared to explain. Thankfully, I’ve bought like 3 pairs of nice boots lately that I’ve been wearing so it makes for a nice starting point of conversation when I can talk about my shoes as well.

Any updates to your situation? sorry it’s been a few days. I think my dinner is about done wooooooooooooooooo I am so hungry.

All the best.

37

My favorite books are either the Harry Potter books or the Eragon books. The series I was talking about is called The Rangers Appreciate. They’re good reads if you’re looking to pass the time.

I think you have a good idea with your letter. My problem was also not really knowing how to get it to her… perks of living in the digital age :stuck_out_tongue: in the end I just drove to her college on a day off and plopped it at her pod. So basically I left the letter sitting out in the open with her name on it. And I’m just hoping no one took it but her… kinda not smart on my end but then again ik her friends who live in the same pod would’ve given it to her. So I’m not worried too much about her actually getting it. It’s just the fact that there was no reply from it. And obviously I can’t send another one or else I’ll seem needy or desperate or even a little creepy. So now I play the waiting game. Which I was going to try my best to continue no contact through the holidays. I hate to think I’d have to go on that long but there’s not much else I can do. Kinda sucks :confused: but it is what it is. As far as your letter, I’d figure out how you’re going to get it to her. Then think about timing. Usually it only takes 4 or 5 days to be delivered. So kinda plan for that. Your timing is important but your window is bigger than you think. I feel like I may have jumped the gun. Should’ve waited for her to stop being with this new guy. But I got a little nervous and delivered it anyway.

Ill actually try the shoes thing. It’s a pretty good idea. Hopefully she’s not already seeing someone… she’s really cute. It’s nice to have a little crush on another girl. It stops me from thinking about my past with my ex and starts making me think about a possible relationship with this new person. Of course those memories flood me every day. I miss my ex pretty bad right now. But things have been taking the focus off that. Just spent two days with friends playing games and hanging out. It was pretty fun. Pretty much just got home. Hit a deer though… fucked up my cars hood pretty bad -_- atleast nothing serious wrong. Just some body damage.

Try to keep positive thoughts. And remember to prepare for the absolute worst. It makes it easier to collect your thoughts and plan your next move. And if the worst never happens then that’s good. It’s always good to be ready though. Stay hopeful and continue to be strong. No matter what work on you. Good luck with the next days. Try to think of better things. Hope things go well for you. I’ll be in touch.

38

Hi Carey,

I don’t know if I’m going to send the letter. I’m a bit worried it might take too long to get there or something. I could go like drive by her work and put it on her car or something but that seems a bit creepy. So I don’t think I’m going to do that. MY concern is that if I send it now it takes 4-5 days to get to her, she might go home for a week or something and then its been 2 weeks before she might even see it. I know she doesn’t check her mail very often. I’m thinking I just start with the “hey this reminded me of you text” but maybe thats a terrible idea. Maybe the letter is essential to success I don’t know. I just really don’t know. I’m so scared. I know there are plenty of other opportunities to find love elsewhere in the world but I still am deciding that I want to be with her. Going down this path is a lot more difficult. I feel its taking its toll on me. God I hope this works.

Do you think I should send the letter or nah?

Jesus you hit a deer? Thats crazy. Hope everything is okay. At least you’ll have a nice story to tell your ex when she eventually contacts you.

If this doesnt work is there still a chance we can be together again someday or should I just try to move past this whole thing? I never wanted for any of this to happen. I have no clue how she is doing or where she is at. Its starting to get pretty cold around here. I hope sometime I can be the one to help keep her warm again.

39

If you’re unsure and dont feel it’d be your best option, then don’t send it. A text may not be quite as meaningful but it could still work. I know you don’t know where she is tight now. And yeah that makes it kinda difficult to really know if it’s the right time. Maybe you just have to take a leap of faith with the text. And if it doesn’t work out just continue to move forward.

Today I got on Facebook. I saw on my wall that “your ex is now in a relationship with new guy.” So yeah… that hit me pretty hard. My heart’s still beating and I’ve got a pretty sick feeling churning inside me. Maybe she got the letter and that’s her way of telling me “look I’m with this guy now.” Maybe I’m just looking into it too much. Either way it hurt. I think I’m just going to unfriend her and block her now. I’m honestly just tired of all this. It’s definitely taken a toll on me. I don’t want to wait around on her anymore. She’s not the girl I loved. Maybe one day she’ll try to contact me or want to try again. For me I think I’m done trying. It’s just too much for me right now. I’ll focus on my career and myself. Wish this never happened. It’s rough.

As far as your situation, if things don’t work, then you should start moving on. There’s always a chance that it’ll work out one day. But if it doesn’t work now then there’s no point in waiting around for it to happen. It’s not healthy. And you never know what other chances you miss by dwelling on your past. I’m sorry this all happened to you. I know it’s hard. I understand you love her and care about her. But there are other people in this world that will make you happy. And you can make them happy. Endless possibilities. Life is weird. Our existence is weird as hell… I’m not trying to make you question life itself lol. But life is hard. In the end we all find happiness. I know you will. No matter what happens.

If you do contact her and she replies back, be cool. Be ready to take it slow. If you decide to not, then focus on you. Try to think of her less and less. This site helps get your ex back, but it also helps move on. I don’t want to say I’m giving up. I’m just tired of being hurt. I want to be happy again. And I can be happy without her. I hope things go okay with your situation.

40

Hi Carey,

That’s rough with the Facebook thing. Sorry that happened. I know it makes you feel sick, and maybe she did do it deliberately to mess with you, I don’t think she did but she might have. Even if she did it doesn’t really matter because you know that they’ve been fighting and it’s not going to last already. You’ve mentioned this before so you already know this, I don’t think her putting it on fb changes anything, if anything maybe it means you got to her or something I don’t know.

Went on a long run today, was pretty nice, one of the last days I’ll probably be able to do it for a while. I know there are lots of other opportunities out there but taking this time has made me decide that I want to continue to try to do this. And I think that means a lot. I think that means how important she is to me, even after the things she did. I know I can move on, but that doesn’t mean I want to. For now at least I want to try to be with her. It might be harder this way but I think she’s worth it. Idk if she’ll think I’m worth trying this again though. She could very well just be talking to this guy all the time and that would make me sick. Maybe she’s hung out with him a bit while he’s recovering. I’ve been pretty good about not thinking about this lately but considering how close I am to breaking no contact it’s made me think about what she’s doing more. Maybe that’s a bad thing idk, I suppose I’ll know soon.

I think I’m going to send her something in a text tomorrow or the next day, but I don’t know if I’m ready or what I’ll say. I need to figure that out. Makes me sick to think about because I’m scared she might already be gone, I think she was gone when we broke up. I don’t know if I’ll ever know why. I need to think of what to say, probably will use Kevin’s guide and skip the letter because it might take too long.

As far as the Facebook thin goes idk how connected you are to social media but I haven’t been on Facebook in like 3 weeks, idk if she’s posted anything on there or not. Maybe you should take a break from it for a bit, or you could also play the subtle Facebook game idk.

I think if you are still having these sickening feelings maybe go to the gym. I’d try to talk to that cute girl you like, or text the girl you went out on a date with once and ask to catch up. Might be good for you, might be hard though too I don’t know. I kinda wish I had some people to talk to, I’ve been pretty anti social the last few days, not really talking to my friends at all, I haven’t looked at my non work phone in like a day and a half, which is crazy for me. I don’t know why I feel this way. I don’t understand.

I’m sorry you are having a rough day today, I’m here if you want to talk for the rest of the day today probably my friend