Living together with children while he's dating the girl he cheated with

So the title pretty much says it all. I’m sure this is the most sorted tale most of you have heard, so I’ll start part way through. He told me in July that he didn’t want to be with me any more that I had been to distant and unfeeling. I instantly asked who she was and his reply was no one. When he repeated the speech again in August he punctuated it with “it’s over”. I knew that there had to be more to the story so I went through the phone records and found he had been texting and calling another woman constantly, every day, since March. I committed some of the most heinous mistakes in my emotional whirlwind. Jealousy, begging, crying, pleading, you name it. I was in complete denial since we were still living together and he didn’t want me to move out. I kept thinking, nope this isn’t real.

Now, my denial is over. I’m sleeping on the couch upstairs, and he is now in a relationship with the woman he was talking to. He hasn’t brought it out into the open, claimed it on facebook, or anything, but I know, because I kind of facebook stalk her,(just a little) She posted last night that she has the most amazing boyfriend in the world…

I totally know what went wrong in our relationship. I’ve taken a step back and analyzed every thing and looked at my actions through his eyes. I am putting in the work to better myself. Here is my problem though. He wants to remain friends, and we’re still living together. If I try a limited no contact he texts me. I’ve tried the mirror approach, but I keep getting caught up and saying things that I shouldn’t. I don’t know if it’s just too late to win him back. If I try a complete no contact now, won’t that just make me seem more like the distant unemotional person he says I am? I’m so confused and can’t afford to get private coaching. Any advice would be much welcome at this point.

At least you know exactly what happened. It sounds pretty clear it is really going to be too emotionally painful for you to live where you are living and you need to move and go no contact with him to help you heal.

Him saying you were distant and unfeeling is pretty cruel. The relationship didn’t end because you were distant and cruel, it ended because he was seeing another girl. It is obvious you care given all the mistakes you say you made when you broke up. Blaming you for the end of the relationship is totally unfair.

My opinion is that the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to live somewhere else and to go no contact. This also has the best chance of having him return to you if this new relationship of his doesn’t work out. If you are living with him and he just wants to ‘remain friends’, I believe it is because he wants to keep you as an option on the side if this new relationship of his doesn’t work out. You are worth more than that.