So it is quite a long story, but I will try to keep it brief. My ex and I met through Bumble, and after 2 months, we officially started our relationship. In the beginning, everything went great, and we had a lot of fun. We had a few misunderstandings, but we went through by talking about them.
Around 6/7 months into the relationship, I went on a vacation with a group of friends. The vacation was terrible and quite traumatising. He picked me up then, but the damage of that vacation was done. Following this, a lot of bad stuff continued to happen to me and to our relationship. We had a really big fight, my health was compromised really badly, and I got a new car, which gave me a lot of new responsibilities. Every month since that vacation, something went terribly wrong, and together we were really going through it.
A few weeks later, almost nearing our first anniversary, we met up and chilled in our cars. We were just chatting and having fun when I told him about something that I was reading. The main character in that story liked getting hit and physical violence. My ex jokingly said I liked getting hit too, and we just kept making light-hearted jokes about my sexual preferences. The next day a friend of his had a birthday party in the evening. Before the party, I was sleep deprived, only had McDonald’s as a meal and drank a lot of coffee (which I usually don’t do because of my caffeine sensitivity). When arriving at the party, I felt very anxious and scared. I avoided drinking, but his friends kind of forced me to drink. Eventually, due to pressure and not wanting to be a party pooper, I drank two bottles of wine in maybe five minutes. After that, I completely blacked out (so from this point, I heard all the details of my actions from him and his friends). Apperently my ex made a joke about my ‘violent’ sexual preferences, and I told him to stop making this joke and that it is annoying me. He provoked me by saying, ‘What are you going to do? Hit me? So after that I hit him in the face, which made him drop his shotglas and I ran away. I avoided him during the party until I went outside crying and calling him. He came outstide and comforted me, eventually bringing me back inside. When we arrived inside, I started avoiding him again. This whole ordeal was seen by all his friends. When I woke up, I could not remember anything about the party. My ex and I tried to talk about the situation after a few days, but my memory and mental state were truly broken and/or gone. Eventually, my ex said he wanted to break up, because he is unsure about the future and the possibilities of situations like this recurring. Honestly, the break-up is indescribable. Also, my mother had surgery two days before the break-up, which caused me to take care of my whole household and two siblings. So there wasn’t any space for processing the break-up or all the bad things happening before that. So, starting from August 2025 to December 2025, I had the worst things happen to me with no room to process any of that
5 weeks after the break-up, I decided to meet up with him to talk and see what was possible. Unfortunately, I realised that I was too soon, and the conversation was very painful but clear. Now, mentally, I am doing a lot better and improving my life in various fields. So I realised I still want him back and asked him to meet up with me in two days. He said he was open to meeting up with me. However, he texted me yesterday that he still hasn’t changed his mind about the break-up. So what do I do now? Because I really love him a lot, he makes me want to improve myself, and I envision him in a lot of areas in my life. On the other hand, I don’t want to wait on someone who doesn’t want me, and even if we were to get back together, it will take a lot of time to fix a lot of things.
I hope it is a bit clear, so I would really appreciate any advice or tips on my situation and going forward.