At the time I’m writing this, it’s been nearly 6 months since my ex broke up with me. However, my intention for a long time now has been to contact him after we both enter summer vacation, since we’re both college students with pretty busy schedules and neither of us will have such a heavy load on our heads by then. If i did that, it’ll make it around 8 months since we split. I have done good progress on moving on since then, but deep down i still miss him and i’m curious to see if things would change between us now that a lot of circumstances that affected our relationship are different now.
When we broke up, he told me he wanted to focus on college and that he didn’t feel ready for a relationship and to meet my needs. It caught me off guard, because i told him to say something if he felt the relationship could improve, and he didn’t, neither did we ever get into a disagreement and fight. So, naturally, I assumed he was just as happy as I was in our relationship. We had a date the week prior and everything was fine. I loved him very much and i know he did too; he let me express myself in ways I couldn’t with anyone else at the time and was there for me at times when no one else was. He’s the kind of man I’d want for my future.
But a few days after the breakup, his mother invited me to have a chat (on her own accord), and it (re)contextualized a lot of things. In short: my ex had failed completely at communicating things to me during our relationship. He was failing a class and went to spend time at his estranged dad’s house without telling anyone prior, not even his mom. He also told his mom that the reason he dumped me was that the relationship was too serious for him, which in my opinion is completely different from the reason he gave me.
Fast forward to now, and I haven’t seen, talked, or even remotely heard about him since we split. The last thing he told me was that he wanted distance, and so I gave it to him. Now, I’m trying to figure out how to undo it. He blocked me on discord and unfollowed me on instagram, while i later deleted his number and blocked him on instagram to help myself move on, but i can still just unblock him and communicate with him through there. I want to get close to him again, but I also want to hold him accountable for the things he did wrong. I had written him a letter for the accountability part, but after reading an article about contacting your ex after a long time, i don’t know if i should send it or just start texting him again casually and let the accountability come naturally (if it ever will, because i won’t get back together with him if it doesn’t). When i reach out to him, i intend to acknowledge my own faults as well: he’s somewhat avoidant and i’m somewhat anxious and harbor insecurity from past unrequited crushes, and since he was my first boyfriend, i was really afraid of losing him, and sometimes i expressed that fear in ways that could have made him feel pressured. I feel like i was relying on him emotionally for some things and that probably didn’t help either. I’ve been focusing on myself since then, i’ve taken important steps for my maturity and self improvement and i no longer want a serious relationship the way i did before, and neither does he as i stated previously. What should I do? I believe in our potential together, and i want to try manifesting that potential again.