I wanted to give you an update. I still have the sleeping bag and he still has the extra set of keys. I emailed him a few days ago, before I went on vacation and inquired about his job situation and told him (in a cutesy way) that I missed him and his hugs. He responded by telling me about the job situation and then replying that he missed me and my hugs too. Then he said the following (which I have posted below):
I hope we are at the point where we can hang out together again before to long…whenever you are ready.
I read the above as “when you are cool and can hang out as friends, I would like to do that”. I would love your take on it.
The trip I went on was with my church group and he liked several of mine (as well as mutual friends) posts which makes me think he wants to come back to the community.
I will admit that I am a bit torn because I still have feelings for him that are more than friendship, so I am trying to be mindful of that before I reply.
@KR - First of all, you think he might want to come back to what community? He broke up with you about 4 1/2 months ago citing the reasons as age difference and not being each other’s best. He felt God was saying each of your best’s was yet to come. You discussed remaining friends. You told him you needed time to process things. He texted that sometime after he gets back from his trip, when everything is “cool” he would get the sleeping bag and drop off your keys. He told you that you’re a blessing.
A few days ago you texted to ask about his job situation and said you missed him and his hugs. He replied he missed you and your hugs too. Then: “I hope we are at the point where we can hang out together again before to long…whenever you are ready”. Yes, I get the same impression that he would like to hang out as friends if and when you are “cool” with it. I believe he truly enjoyed your company, interactions, and fun times together, and yet that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to reconcile. I know you want to be more than friends and that you’ve been trying to let go of the possibility of a romantic relationship. If you are strong enough to see him in person without asking to get back together and can accept a possible friendship, write and ask when it would be convenient for him to come over to get the sleeping bag and give you the keys. Or you could suggest meeting him at a restaurant to do the exchange. Either way, try your best to be cheerful. Who knows he might even ask you to go somewhere to have a fun time, thus creating another good memory. The main thing is to meet up WITHOUT any expectations one way or the other. There is a slim chance he will tell you he loves you and wants to be with you again. You’ll never really know until you see him in person. Then you can judge his words and actions together. Whatever happens, I wish you the best:)
PS: Did he get a different job? One he likes better or pays better?
Hey Patricia…remember when I sent him that encouraging email a while ago…he responded that he quit his job and was focusing on completing his study for the A+ exam (he had that certification before but had let it expire) and would then look for an IT position. At the end of that email he said he hoped that in the not too distant future he could join me at our singles group or Bible Study. I responded to that email that I knew he would succeed (meaning with his work plans), but pirposely did not respond regarding his comment about joining me at our singles community or Bible Study specifically because I figured he wanted to join me only as a friend. When we were dating, he stopped attending the community and bible study due to his job (he had to work most weekends). But even when he did not work on a Sunday, he did not attend our community…so I did not think it was a big deal to ask when he split up with me to not attend either since I am in leadership in that community. I have truly mixed feelings about this (having him come back) if I am honest. I don’t want to keep him from seeing the friends he formed in the singles group or missing out on community…but I also know that I am not over him and am still healing. So I thought that as a compromise…I would offer that he could go to the bible study and I would go to the community group. That way he can still be part of the group and I can continue my healing work. It is hard to let go of hope of getting back together and admit that a friendship right now isn’t feasible.
This break up in many ways has been the hardest, even though the relationship for me was the shortest. Still, I have to be true to myself and what I need and I can tell that I need more time. I still love him and I truly want the best for him…I had just hoped that that would have been me. Thanks for all your help.
@KR - I guess you’re not going to take my suggestions. It seems after 4 1/2 months you’re still not ready to face him. Take care of yourself and I pray all goes well for you…
I did not say that I would not take your suggestions…and even I am caught off guard by how long this process is taking…but what I don’t want to have happen is to “act” like I don’t have feelings and then find myself in a worse place after I see him. So I have reached out to a friend of mine to get her perspective on things. I agree that when I do see him…it should be with no expectations for anything beyond friendship…and you are right that I just don’t know what the future holds…I just want to make sure that I am ready for anything. I do value and appreciate the advice you give.
I wouldn’t see him until you truly feel you can be with him as just a friend. Otherwise, it is just asking for more pain and heartbreak. It sounds like you aren’t there now. My guess is you won’t be there for a long time but you never know… I’d take it one day at a time and work on making yourself happy and meeting other people.
@mr the ex…I spoke to a good friend and she said the same thing…to wait on seeing him until I can look upon him as just a friend. And she also agreed that it would likely take a lot longer. So for now I am going to continue to work on healing myself.
From what you wrote, you’re obviously someone who really cares and who tries to do what is best even when it hurts. You’ll end up with a great relationship at some point because of that. I wish you the best
