I read this awhile ago, I followed everything until I stopped caring about her… Or until it stopped hurting. Now she calls and is talking about getting back together.
Can someone point out some things I should read? I’m confused on what to do right now
Man, if you think she’s the woman of your life, go for it. Don’t let pride ruin things, pride’s a b**ch.
If I were in your situation, I’d probably accept; BUT I’d tell her that she hurt me, and that things really need to change if you want to survive together.
Unfortunately, I’ve just broken the no-contact period after not even two weeks. I couldn’t resist anymore, but I’m trying my best to get her back regardless.
You’ve been lucky to see her coming back. Please don’t waste it, if you think she’s the right one; but don’t stay with her just because you want to treat her badly!
I am definitely trying. I’m trying to keep the power in the relationship as she is definitely trying to get me back… I think it is important as if she is the one trying, I don’t have to do anything.
I broke the no contact rule when we first split. We got back together… But, it didn’t last. I was a mess and couldn’t get over it.
The first month of no contact is hard. You’re an addict and coming off the drugs of the relationship is hard… But it does get easier. I went two month without contact… And she missed me like crazy. I imagined different, I imagined she was in a relationship or just happy without me. Reality is that she wasn’t.
It takes them time to realise what they had. If you’re not giving them that time, they can’t miss you. They can’t realise that.
Its hard. Believe me… I thought I was dying. I suffered a lot. It was a nightmare.
Thank you, AlphaGoat. These words will be really useful for me too… I’m starting No Contact today, and I just think that after a month or a few weeks she’ll be totally over me and with a new guy, because she told me she’s not changing her mind and she’s sure about what she did. According to her, I’m not “the one” anymore, even though I once was.
But, you know, maybe you’re right. Maybe I should just give her the right time to miss me and, in the meantime, try to go on and be the one who gets over her. Try to build a life out of us and out of what she taught me.
I loved our relationship, even if it wasn’t very healthy at times. I loved her, and that was enough; I would’ve done anything to just make her happy, but her love faded over time anyway. Hopefully, if she ever comes back, she’ll be already changed.
And hopefully she’ll change her mind in the meantime, she’ll understand who I was for her and she’ll come back. I’ll just give her the right time to miss me, to miss us… And she loved me, that’s for sure, she loved me a lot. Maybe this will be enough.
In any case, I’m positive I will reach out to her as soon as I think that I’ve understood enough about us. And, who knows… Maybe that time things will go better.
Let us know if everything works out the way you’d like to!
I was dying when it happened. Don’t underestimate the pain and anxiety you’ll suffer with (if you’re like me anyway) and it lasted around 3 weeks to a month. I nearly broke no contact a few times.
Whatever you do, don’t check her social media. Block her in every way possible. It’ll hurt looking. Tell friends that you don’t want to know.
I have talked to my ex a lot since she wanted me back. She tried moving on… She did fall out of love with me… But, time made her remember things. She realised what she lost. My no contact made her think I’d moved on. She thought about me more and more… Then she checked my social media and saw I was going out and living. I didn’t post sad things so she assumed women wanted me. I did go on dates, but just dates.
Since she contacted me I still show that I am wanted by other women. She wants me. She tries like crazy to win me back.
Its hard not to get back like I was in the relationship… So I still try to limit my time with her… Even though I don’t want to. I need to make her want me.
Stay strong. You WON’T get her back if you talk to her and beg. I promise you.
Thank you for your very useful advice, AlphaGoat. For real: you give me hope once everything seemed to be lost.
I think I’ll also go to a couple of dates myself, since in many ways I’m already trying to move on. And, yes: I felt like dying when it happened. To be honest, I’ve barely eaten and slept these days.
But I know that she needs to remember me as time goes by. I know that she will, even though she gave no hope for a return; at some point, even though she said she didn’t want to think about me in the last two weeks because it would hurt, she will be forced to miss me. And - who knows - maybe she’ll come back on her own, she’ll understand what she lost like in your case.
I’ll just wait and put your advice to practice. And, in the meantime, yes: I’ll surely have the chance to experience a date or two with some other woman. I’m already moving right now, and it will help me to get a new perspective on these matters.
We’ve been together for more than a year, after a not-so-excellent start a few years ago. And she loved me once, of that I’m sure; she’ll miss me and who I am, and I think I can really make it. I’ll stay strong, and I’ll gradually try to remove her from my mind; I already decided that I’m not going to break No Contact during these first days, no matter what. It’s been a tough day already, but I’ll resist.
Thank you, my good friend. If you have anything else to say, please do; you’ve already helped me a lot right now.
Wow . I am so happy for u. So finally it worked!.. get back to her but be cool. Make her do all the work. I am on day 32 of NC. I am still hoping that he will contact me atleast after 2 or 3 months… I was too tempted to email him today. I immediately hit the gym. I know the pain that u r talking abt. The first 15 days are the worst. Really dying is the word.
Hi what happened… hows it going?
Hey, sorry for the late reply. I need to be honest, I had given up on it. I’d gone over 30 days and because it was two months I assumed it wouldn’t work. When I say I was a mess, I’m not exaggerating. I was bad… I even went away as I needed friends around me. I just don’t want you thinking I had it all worked out. I think it important as if you suffer… You’ll want to know that it’s ok and that you aren’t alone. It really f*cking hurts.
Right now I’m on a train taking my dog to a friends… My ex is coming to UK to see me for a few weeks. She lives in Canada so it’s been a long distance relationship… Which is hard but before we split we made it work by seeing each other around 2-3 times a year for long periods.
We have not committed to each other yet. We are seeing how it goes.
I think it’s important that I make her try. I make her think I can move on if needed and that others want me. I can tell that the thought of me being with someone else hurts her and makes her try harder… Which is what I want.
I know it sucks to view it as a game… But in reality all relationships are. It might seem cold… But my relationship ended because I stopped viewing it as one.
If you need to talk let me know. Message me.
Hey AlphaGoat, I just wanted to thank you for your words and expressing what you’ve been through.
My girlfriend broke up with me around the beginning of last week, and I’m only now enacting the No Contact rule. Between then and now, I’ve been an emotional wreck and I’ve sent her several long messages that she blatantly told me to stop sending. But today I found Kevin’s 5 Step Plan, and I’ve decided to give it a try. And after reading your story, and how you went through everything I’m experiencing, it does give me hope that I’ll get through this and come out stronger than I was going in.
And I’ll be in a similar situation soon because we both live in Germany, but I may be moving to the US this summer and she may be going to Spain. So soon, I’ll only be able to talk to her via social media, not in person. We’re going to meet once before that (It will be after the No Contact period) and I’m going to say my peace and then simply work towards being her friend again. I’m hoping that things will work out, but no matter what, I just want the best for her and I want her to be happy.
Hi Connor, I don’t think anyone but experts make a clean break from their ex without begging and sending messages we later regret… I know i did. I wrote loads… Luckily for me she blocked me so didn’t read them all…
But now we know. Anything past these points we know what we’re doing. We have little excuse now. We know it’s hard and everything in us wants to contact them and check out if they’re moving on.
Right now I’m sat next to the ex who is now not my ex… Everything I did wrong is forgotten, or ignored. I think that the time away has made those feelings of falling out of love with me fade… Not it looks like she remembers only the positive things.
One good thing for me is I know what I did wrong last time. I’m trying to stop those things and improve the good things.
Its not perfect, but it shows that it can help having no contact.
Good luck. If you need to talk let me know in a PM
Hi AlphaGoat that’s good. But u seem like a great guy… why her?.. but i understand. … anyway the story on my side that I have started thinking less about him. Its 37 days now but he hasn’t contacted me at all. I don’t think he will… but if this is the guy he is then I am not sure if I really want to be with him. I can’t play this game all my life. Because I am someone who believes in working and giving 100% in a relationship. If everytime I do that he feels I am needy then this will never work even if he comes back now… but it so weird when we discussed this earlier we were on the same page and even he too wanted to be with someone who didn’t have ego problems and now he doesn’t need to know if I exist. It really hurts… a lot… and I am tired of distracting myself from this pain. As of now I feel like contacting him and giving him a piece of my mind. I know it won’t help…
I think I’m an ok guy, I’m far from perfect and I have problems… I think it was these problems that caused our breakup. Nothing big, just depression that she couldn’t cope with. The distance made it hard to fix things during it and made my depression worse.
I don’t know if I’m Ok with my ex. I’m not saying we’ll work yet… But we have a past and do I want to waste that time? I don’t know.
You’re at a stage now that you see life is ok without them. You can think more rationally… Though I think anger is still there. You’re not heeled yet, nor is he. My days for her contacting me was around 60. So give it time and by then you might not even want him… It sounds that way.
You’re doing great. You sound stronger than me tbh.
Ya I hope I am doing good. Yes I know that starting over is what keeps us from breaking relations. Which is good. Long distance can make things even more difficult. But is there a possibility of either of you shifting to the other persons location eventually. I mean you cant be in a long distance relationship forever isnt it…
PS. btw, no one’s perfect. Don’t beat yourself up.
Hey bro I’m new here and this thread gave me alot of faith. Appreciate it.
I did something. I mailed him. I just coudnt hold back. I just felt that may be he is getting over me…I just needed to mail him. Its day 40. I don’t know if I did the right thing.
Well my ex is still here, things have taken a bit of a turn today though. I’m not sure what to say about it because my emotions are taking control… Im just mad. Not sure if my anger is justified or just paranoia about things.
I don’t think we have dealt with our issues. We have ignored them instead of dealing with them. I don’t think we have done it in the right way… I guess I didn’t read enough on this subject to deal with it in the right way.
So yeah, mistakes have been made and maybe they’re mistakes that I can’t fix. None of us have cheated (on my side at least, she tells me she hasn’t and I do believe her) but I just feel that she has changed a lot. She has become someone different, and I’m not sure that this new person fits with me. I’d love it to work… Seriously. I’d honestly give everything I own for it to work… But it seems that my brain won’t get over things and my new distrust in our relationship makes me too paranoid.
I’ll keep you updated depending on what happens… I suspect I’ll be pretty depressed if things go bad though. I already feel it tbh.