It's been 9 weeks - is it too late?

no-contact-rule
1

My partner and I were together 2. 5 years, absolute soulmates…we have been through a lot together and we’re best friends as well as lovers - we laughed, talked, made love and spoke constantly. But after covid lockdown (New Zealand), in June I lost my job because of it then collapsed and had a health crisis - he doesn’t cope with stress and we thought it was cancer and I had a lot of tests and he started to get quiet and shut down a little. I needed surgery and we were arguing a bit as his drinking had increased and I was worried about him. All of a sudden he wanted space for a few days. I was not feeling right in myself because of the stress of my redundancy and the collapse, pain and tests so I was erratic, I freaked out and messaged him most days and he got angry that I couldn’t give him space… I didn’t realise he meant no contact. Long story short…he kept getting more stressed because I just couldn’t respect the space he needed to decompress (I was stressed and clingy) and with in a couple of weeks he ended it in frustration saying he needed to be alone, that he still loves me, doesn’t want anyone else but wanted to be apart.
After we broke up (9 weeks ago), I had to have surgery and during recovery I went through the whole multiple long loving, not quite begging texts… Love quotes… Most days for 4 weeks… Then got an official diagnosis of ptsd and a panic disorder I told him this is why I had been manically messaging him. I managed to curtail the texting until I drunk texted one night… Only loving stuff… But about 30, I live you, I’m sorry, I love you messages.
Since then, I have messaged him once or twice a week and he’s reading but not answering.

Today it is 9 weeks, I’m still completely in love, miss him like crazy.

Last messaged him 5 days ago and he read but no reply but it was just notifying him of an ill mutual friend.

I know he’s miserable and loves me and he said I pushed him to the point he just needed to be alone.

Is it too late for no contact to work if I manage to go a few weeks without texting.

Any help appreciated and sorry for the long back story!

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@Niklostgreg It’s not too late but you have to control yourself! Stop contacting him for at least a month!!

It’s strange that after 2.5 years he would turn so cold. Does he have a serious drinking problem? That could be one reason for his confusing behavior. Or were there other issues he had with you during the 2.5 years? It’s also strange that he wasn’t more comforting and supportive during your health problems…

Hoping you are okay now since the surgery.

Good luck…

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Thanks Patricia - yes, he’s a functioning alcoholic and I’m a recovering one. His drinking got worse and was spiralling after lockdown.

I know - I’m really confused at this point about why I would even want someone who treated me so poorly - but I would at least like to have him as a friend.

This is so heartbreaking.

I’m on day 4 of a 45 day no contact and I’m already feeling like I’ve put enough into this already.

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@Niklostgreg There’s an old saying “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” In his condition at this time, it’s really better for you NOT to have in him in your life to hurt you and make you sad!!

The best case scenario would be to find a man who is NOT an alcoholic to date!!

I know it’s difficult to let him go, but for your own best interest, it’s the thing to do…

I’m sorry for your situation and pray all goes well with you.