I’m basically in week five of the split with my co-worker. My crime was not making more time for her and it I’m sure she was feeling very vulnerable about it. There were some legitimate reasons for my feet dragging, but the reality is I had forgotten how to get close to people and let them in. To quote “Up In the Air” I’ve been living in a cocoon of self-banishment and I’ve been trying too hard to not feel anymore disappointment in people.
Because this was a situation where I took her for granted, I felt going NC was not the right move and would reinforce her fears that I didn’t really care. I kept it light every 2-3 days mostly via text or Instagram, but trying to show some initiative in ways I had not done prior. The breakthru’s and flirting only seemed to come when she had been out drinking with her friends - at one point she OK’d the idea of us having another talk.
About two weeks ago we had a really nice week at work. She flirted with me at my desk. We had lunch together twice, she even asked to come sit with my over at my desk at the end of the day so I could help her get caught up on her casework. It wasn’t even anything she really needed me for so I really appreciated the gesture. I walked her to her car and she ended up driving me to mine, but I kept it all really light. The next morning at work she messaged me over to her desk so she could show me an email she had gotten. I felt like like everything was headed in the right direction. She even invited herself to be my +1 at a team outing for the new department I’m in (ironically it’s at her sister’s house).
She had a flight out to Seattle on Thursday that same week. I decided to give her a call before her flight to wish her well. It was a fun, light chat and she thanked me for calling. I was full on expecting not to hear from her during her trip, but to my surprise I got a text her first morning. On the surface it was a benign “Oh hey they have a cat here at this house”. She loves my cat so I took it as a bread crumb that she was thinking about me. We laughed and joked and then I let her be.
The next day she posted some meme on IG about letting things go that weren’t meant for you and then I noticed she had not been looking at my IG videos the entire day (she almost always does). I was out at dinner with some people and the only other non-coupled person there was a guy named Steven from Seattle. Thought it was ironic - so I texted her about it and let her know I was thinking about her.
She didn’t take to it very well. She kind of laughed at it and asked why. That’s when I made the mistake of saying I missed her. She then threw a situation we had over the summer in my face - she was profusely apologetic after it originally happened. I told her we have already talked about this and she acted like she had no idea. I showed her the screenshot and her response was “a little late don’t you think” with a frustrated emoji face. My response was not one of my best moments. I said “depends on who’s asking and I guess you still want me to eat some more sh- for that situation. Have a good night.”
We haven’t talked since. I decided to enforce a week of NC to get my head right and because honestly I’m pissed that she keeps throwing that one incident in my face. Not sure if she’s still gonna be my +1 at this point. Apparently she was consulting a co-worker of ours and trying to get an opinion on whether she should have that other talk with me. The co-worker was pushing for it, but my girl was being somewhat defensive in saying when she’s done she’s done. Ironically enough that same co-worker was looking at my IG videos this weekend. Keep in mind we are not friends on there and she’s never looked before.
All I know is telling an ex- I miss you from her perspective must come off as entirely selfish. I should’ve never done it and it ruined the momentum I had built up. It shouldn’t be about me anymore, it should be about her and me creating the experience she deserved. I lost twice with this, a special girl and my best friend. Any suggestions are appreciated.