My ex and I were together for almost 3 years (both of us are 20 in college).
In the last 4 months of our relationship I had lost that spark so our relationship wasnt very sexal. We had arguments and we both started prioritizing other things but we still said I love you, do nice things for each other, and went out.
The breakup: the week before our offical breakup he tells me he is unhappy in our relationship. I asked if he wanted to be together, if he loved me, and if he wanted to work on things. He said yes. The next few days I was sad, he told me I was over reacting because “everything is okay, just be youself, and I love you.” I showered him in affection that whole week. That next friday, he has me meet him at his car. When I got there he said he had been red in the face crying. He said he wanted to break up because he loved me but not in love and doesnt know why. He said hes been thinking about it for a while. Now he wants us to move on and be friends. However, it was a 2 hour ordeal and us crying talking about missing eachother and how weve changed eachother over the years and me begging. He said he doesnt know what he is feeling, he hates his family, life and this situation sucks. And he said he was recommended by a friend to not call it a break.
3 days later I sent him a letter saying a. I was sorry for my part in this and I want to be better b. I would love to one day rekindle everything. He seemed appreciative of it.
A mutual friend tells me he is sad, confused, and called it a break to him.
I tried so hard to go into no contact but we still follow each other on social media and he has some pictures of me with sweet captions still up.
10 days later I ended up calling him when I wasnt crying and dead inside anymore. I gave him a sincere apology for neglecting his sexual needs, I knew I made him feel rejected and I was sorry. He said it wasnt just my fault. We had a positive talk, he was very kind. At the end he said he wasnt sure how he feels and is “comfortable where he is at.” It concluded with him saying in a few weeks we’ll go to the beach together. A few hours later he texted me just asking for advice on something small and we joked with each other. And we havent reached out since.
Where should I go from here? Am I getting friendzoned? Should I not initiate again for a while? Do you think I should just believe what he said in the car and move on?
Thank you for reading all this - I know it was super long.
You asked him if he wanted to work through the issues together and he said yes. After that, did you two ever discuss it in detail? Sounds like he’s confused about his feelings and he has to figure that out in his own mind. Give him time and don’t initiate contact! Ignore and don’t stalk social media.
You could look up on the internet about the stages of romantic love, it might help.
Hating his family is a strong negative comment! Do you know the situation there?
Good luck…
No we did not talk about things after that but I always tried coming over, brought him gifts, spent the night, slept with him sometimes getting rejected. He always said he was busy or tired. During the break up when I asked why he would say that if it wasnt true, replied he was sorry and felt bad and was feeling “numb.”
Yeah its a long story but his parents have always been a struggle in our relationship and his personal life.
If he was so convincing that he loved me all these months, how do I know he actually isn’t sure how he feels or if hes just trying to be kind?
Love and compatibility are two different things. He could very well love you, but feels that in some ways you’re not compatible. That’s why it’s important to discuss the situation!
Don’t initiate anything for awhile, maybe a month or two and then try to discuss your differences and preferences as far as a relationship is concerned…
Meeting each others wants and need is important, not to say change beyond what is natural for you, but to make compromises if possible.
Did you look up stages of a loving relationship? One of the most important concepts is that at some point during a long term relationship, the passion mellows out. Some people interpret that as love fading, but in reality, the love becomes more comfortable and mature if the two love each other and get along well…
I always believed that to be true. I knew one day we wouldnt be all over each other 24/7. Even sexless, I felt very secure and in love.
Now I want to respark and meet his needs but I dont think he is open to trying again.
Men love and want sex way up to much older ages. A sexless relationship won’t work out for men who are in love with a woman.
You asked him if he wanted to try to work on things and he said yes. So do no contact for a couple of months or maybe longer so he can figure out his feelings and then ask for a meet up or phone call to discuss what things you could both do to improve a possible future relationship.