My ex and I broke up last week and I am doing no contact until at least the end of the month when I will reach out and follow the guides I read here. I’d like some advice as to whether it seems like there is still hope. Below is a recap of the relationship.
We met online and talked for 10 days then met in person in May and talked to each other everyday from that point on. We would see each other multiple times a week and always had a great time together, great conversation, nothing was ever an issue. If we had different thoughts we respected each others. We had deep conversations and both opened up to each other almost instantly. He had a 4 years relationship that ended in February. He explained it as very controlling and like he was in prison. He dated one girl in between the breakup and me but that was short.
While we were together and not “official” he would still talk to other girls online and would sometimes Facetime. Then immediately call me and tell me about it or come over. He had never done online dating and wanted to see what was out there, that was his right as we were not exclusive. As time went on, I figured these girls would fade out, which they did. Until he met one of them in person (which i encouraged because I was confident in how great things were), after he told me about their date (no physical contact but was very long) things changed and I told him i could not handle him talking to other girls anymore. Our relationship was basically over at the point because i told him to think while i was away on vacation. I came back and had him come over so that we could discuss what was going on. He told me that what we had was more special than what he had in his 4 year relationship, that his family would choose me 100% over this other girl he went on a date with (I already met his dad), that he is looking for a relationship not a fling/hookup, that he could see us having a good life together. We both cried while talking about it. He said that he doesnt know why he is doing what he is doing and that it could be a big mistake or could be what is right. He said he feels like he is out of prison (the 4 year relationship) and is just looking to see what is out there. In the end i said that i was not ready for our relationship to end but i have accepted that it has, that i will not wait around for him but if he does realize this is a mistake to reach out and we could take things slow from there, which he said he would. I have dated around and this definetly felt different from other relationships I have been in, which is why it was crushing when it ended so suddenly.
I’d love advice on if it seems like after he has taken some time to himself he may be ready for a relationship? Is he scared of or confused? Needs time to collect his thoughts?
@eem8908 It seems you two weren’t concerned about the COVID-19 guidelines? Anyway, since you were just dating and not in an official relationship, you both had a right to date others. And yet you seem more interested in the possibility of an exclusive relationship than he is…
I can understand why he would be reluctant to enter a committed relationship after his last relationship ended in February (only 5 months ago). Then you met each other in May which was only a couple of months ago. It takes about 3-6 months for most guys to want to enter a relationship with any particular girl. They want to make sure of compatibility and that they are happy with that girl. So it sounds like you two definitely got along well, but he still wants to date others…
Exactly when was the last time he came over and said he doesn’t know if he’s making a mistake or not? The good thing is he admitted to contacting others and he didn’t try to lie or hide that fact. So it seems he’s an honest guy:)
Since you two dating for such a short time (not enough time to form a deep emotional bond), giving him space might prompt him to change his mind or it might not. Yes, he’s confused and afraid of entering another relationship that would not turn out well…
Good luck:)
Hi Patricia, We had actually both been living alone and had been quarantined for 2 months solo before meeting. We also both had received negative tests. So no COVID-19 did not seem like a threat to us based on our situation. He came over 1 week ago and that is when he said he wasnt sure if what he was doing was right or not. That is also when he said what we had was more special than that he had with his 4 year relationship. Just seems like his actions do not match a lot of his words.
@eem8908 His actions do match his words if you consider he’s reluctant to start a relationship with anyone at this time even though he told you what you had was special. He is being honest with you and you should not pressure or try to manipulate him into a committed relationship.
FYI; people with a negative test on one day can be positive the next. Every time you come in close contact with someone, you’re taking a risk…
Since it’s only been a week, you could continue no contact or you could communicate in a friendly non-demanding way for a few months in order to bond with each other more strongly and give him time to sort out what he wants to do.
Thanks for the advice. I do appreciate his honesty and we had been very honest with each other from the beginning.
I think I am going to give it a few more weeks of no contact then slowly start to talk to him as friends with no pressure and see how things go from there. Hopefully they turn out well!
@eem8908 Your plan sounds like a good one. After reconnecting take it slow and easy, with no pressure like you said:) Wishing you good luck!
I got a text from him last night saying ‘miss hanging with/talking to you, and i truly hope you are doing okay.’ How would you suggest i respond to that without being too eager or dismissive?
@eem8908
Send a very short reply like “Yes, I’m okay and hope you stay well and safe. I miss you too”.
@patricia12 thanks for the advice. i did not mention that i missed him too, maybe i should have. but we talked for a little then the conversation ended. Do i wait for him to text me again? Do i wait a few days then message him? Do i finish the end of my no contact (about a week and a half)? Not sure what to make of this or how to proceed without ruining any chances of something. Thanks!
@eem8908 You talked for a little via text or phone call?? What did you talk about??
It’s okay that you didn’t say you miss him because I’m sure he knows you do…
Finish no contact. He went to your place on July 6th so wouldn’t no contact end August 6? Depending on what was said during the “talk”- You can judge whether or not you should be the one to initiate a message.
@patricia12 we talked via text. we just talked about him moving apartments, he showed me the one be picked out, when he has to be out of his building by. i asked if he was still going to sell his car and he said he did last week. i was reading an article i knew he would like so i sent it to him and he said he loved it. i “liked” that message and then the conversation ended.
@eem8908 He sent a picture of the apartment he picked out? When is he leaving his current building? You didn’t finish the sentence above… I’m assuming he needs transportation, but he sold his car? Wonder if he bought another one?
I’m glad he liked the article you sent and sounds like you two are getting along well. But since you two only dated a short (approximately 2 months), a deep emotional bond did not have time to form! Therefore, you don’t want him to start thinking of you as a “buddy”…
Don’t initiate contact for at least 2 more weeks. But reply appropriately to a message he might send you… And don’t ask to meet up. If he wants to see you, he will be the one to ask.