My ex girlfriend and I broke up 5 weeks ago. We’d been dating for a year and a half and the last 2 months didn’t go too smoothly. I was being distant and seeing my friends more than her because I didn’t want to be sad things weren’t going well. She’d question me every few months around the one year mark if she were my priority and I’d assure her she was. Sadly I was fooling myself and wasn’t giving her the attention she deserved.
I was the one that initiated the breakup by asking if we worked as a couple. I instantly regretted it but couldn’t do anything at that point. I told her I couldn’t keep hurting her the way I was by disappointing her.
She’s got somewhat of an anxiety issue that I didn’t pay enough attention to. She downplayed it when she talked about it throughout us dating, so I didn’t keep it in the forefront of my mind. A lot of my issues with the relationship make more sense now in that light.
In the first two weeks of the breakup, I started to realize my issues and reached out to see if she’d be willing to talk but got no reply. The following day I ran into her and asked to talk. She said not now and didn’t know what I wanted. I only said I wanted to talk since I didn’t know where she stood on things.
We were supposed to go away over memorial day weekend to look at a grad school for her but I didn’t go since we weren’t together. I lost it that weekend and started texting her. Eventually I realized I still owed her for the plane tickets and asked how much. She was appreciative. I mailed a letter with the check explaining that I realized my priorities were out of line. I sent a text around the same time she got the letter saying more about that and that I regretted not going on the trip with her. She texted me a few days later:
“I saw your message and received your letter. It’s good to hear you’re learning more about yourself. I appreciate that it takes courage to reach out to me, but I need you to respect that I need time and space to heal and move forward. If at a point later on I feel the need to talk, I will contact you.”
It felt very final and people I talked to agreed that it’s likely I won’t here from her at all. She used very direct language and a time she never showed while we were dating.
I’ve been out of contact for close to 3 weeks, apart from wishing her happy birthday last week (mine is oddly the day after and she said nothing as I expected).
I feel like reaching out to her will be invasive no matter what, and that she’s very certainly made up her mind. I know what I feel at this point and very strongly want to show her I can be the better person for her, but have doubts she’ll give me the chance.
Any suggestions on how final that seemed?