Keep up the good job joe,i’m really happy for you 
Everyone,
I had a bad day yesterday,
(before I get into that, let me say this…) I’ve been chatting and hanging with the girl from the other night everyday since that date. I really like her and (from what I can tell) she really likes me. We’ve been really connecting and feelings are developing pretty quickly. Aside from kissing and touching, we haven’t crossed any boundaries (sex). She has LOTS of qualities that I love in a woman; we click perfectly, we can just sit and talk for hours… and I mean hours. I learned that she also is recently out of a relationship and that her ex still reaches out to her. She says she doesn’t want him anymore but that her feelings get mixed sometime. One other point to make … She younger than me by a good amount… She very mature for her age… due to family arraignments she was forced to grow up at a young age. she’s 20 and I’m 29 (eek). I’ve actually only dated older women and never found myself attracted to younger ones. I could never stand immaturity in a women. With that being said, I find her to be very mature and also have intelligent conversations with her
Two questions…
(1) Are we developing real feelings for each other or are we experiencing a rebound relationship?
(2) Is the age thing a problem?
Finally…About last night.
I had a dentist appt after work… dentist is near ex’s house. Long story short, I drove by… (stupid move…I know) she wasn’t home. I hung around for a few mins (even stupider move) she got home within 10 mins. She didn’t see me (at least I’m pretty sure she didn’t).
I was doing so so well and I f’d it up!! I started thinking about what she was doing, where she was coming from, who shes been talking to… AAAAAAHHHHHH its killing me again. Its like I reignited the pain. I’d feel ten time worse if she had seen me…
I know its too late and whats done is done… I know there’s nothing I can do but continue NC… But I just want to talk to her one last time… Even if it’ll be the last time… Kinda seeking closure… But is that what I really want… or do I just want to talk to her again?
HELP!!!
I thank you all for being here…
Hey,
If you think the feeling between you and the new girl is developing faster than normal.and you are still dealing with the break up pain.and also that girl is recently out of a relationship,then i think its a rebound for both of you.
But don’t worry,whether it is a rebound or not,its helping you feel better.and you still want your ex back.so there is nothing to worry about.
About the age,only you can say if she is mature enough or not.
And about what you did last night,its ok.Don’t do it again.
Read the NC part of the article again and follow it.
Be sure you will feel better soon.
Joe,
I can understand you!
This new girl is probably a rebound. Or maybe you are rebound to her! LOL
Continue your NC and don’t show up around your ex again until NC is over! LOL
I also have the same issues lately. I have dated some girls lately but they are too young and I also feel uncomfortable about it. Well, I have thought about some issues that might arise.
If I develop a relationship, I will have to become friend with their friends too or attend parties where there is a good age difference between me and most of the attendants.
Just like you, I have also dated girls that have been older than me but now things have changes. If I look for older (than me) girls, I should look into 30s! Not my taste anymore! Just like you I am also confused on whom to date! I don’t know how some other men overcome this thoughts regarding the age difference!
Nice Joe! And you’re OK just try to avoid your ex. I’ll get into that in just a second. Long post.
The break up is still fresh. I wouldn’t put too much thought with the new girl as it’s still very early. Just continue enjoying each other and building on that.
I was fortunate enough to meet a great woman a week or so after my break up. I met her by luck one night through my cousin. She’s related from my cousin’s side of the family. Dated for about 2 months basically seeing each other on a daily basis. I was up front with her from the start that I just came out of a long relationship and didn’t want to rush into anything. Fortunately she was mature about it and didn’t care until she wanted a relationship with me later as time went on.
I told her I think she’s great but I still wanted to continue to build on our friendship. Thankfully she was very understanding but we eventually took time off. We’re still in contact with each other and plan on meeting up this weekend.
That woman went well. The next woman I started dating afterwards did not. She was very jealous and pushy.
Now, back to the front with the ex.
For one, your ex is most likely anticipating your going to pop up, out of no where out of a bush. It’s definitely good she didn’t see you.
I did the same with my ex and I’m glad she didn’t see me. Eventually we saw each other at a bar over a month after our break up while I was out with that woman and my friend. I was shocked but played it cool. We didn’t say anything to each other. My ex left shortly and gave the cold death look to the woman I was with. I’ll get into that later when I make my own thread.
Joe,
- If and WHEN you receive that text or phone call… DO NOT BURN THE BRIDGE.
Don’t say anything that will get to the point of “no return” when the contact gets uncomfortable or heated.
- Don’t give your ex any ammunition or anything to confirm her “hate” for you. Or gossip to her family and friends for “support”
You want to leave her thinking with some positive thought and feeling. To where she will “bite the bullet” and contact you. Regardless of past “baggage”.
- You want her to be unsure. To start boiling over time and contact you again. And again.
Trust me I want to say some mean things but I know I’ll lose the match. And my ex calling me months down for “closure” to move on, that’s what she’ll want. An excuse to reconfirm her “hate” for me.
Mordecai,
I believe the points you mentioned should be shared to everyone! I liked the and I already knew them but when things get tense, I forget them! Maybe I should put them on my room walls!
Same here Dara.
I actually put a sticky note as a background wallpaper on my phone from an app to remind me to keep composure whenever she drunk calls or texts me. I get really close to the “point of no return” during most of our conversations.
She constantly accuses me that I probably slept with a lot of women. I deny it and try to change the subject for the sake not to argue. She then tells me about guys she saw around at the store that particular day and winked at one and he winked back etc.
I stay calm. Like a kung fu sensei.
But obviously it eats me after we hang up and the next day reviewing the conversation in my head.
She planned to come by and stay the night by me a couple weeks ago. Then days later backed out saying “it’s too dangerous because we’ll drink and will start asking each other questions who we slept with” and that she’ll tell me who she slept with but when it comes to asking me that I wouldn’t tell her and she said we’ll start to argue.
I told her that she was right. That I wouldn’t tell her who I slept with. Because what’s the point of it. Just to argue?
Nor do I need her to tell me that she’s been dating and seeing guys since we broke up. I already had a hunch about it thanks I don’t need a confirmation or any details.
Put a note app as your background to remind you to keep composure. It doesn’t always work but it helps.
Maybe I should put some notes on my room’s wall! I am old enough (31 years old) to know that playing it cool is the key! However, I could not play it cool with my last ex when things got intense! She acted professional and took advantage of all my weaknesses! She was just 24!
Yeah! At some point she won the score and maintained it! I am not sure if she maintained it during the breakup because I acted really cool when I found this site!
Anyway, I will keep you advise Mordecai! It’s really hard to act on what not within you!
Thanks for everything!
Yeah it’s hard to combat that chess move when they’re acting cool and professional while attacking your weaknesses.
Best thing again, is to keep composure. Because if you get weak, she’ll have material and ammunition to gossip to everyone while making herself look better and making you look like an idiot.
Dry her out. Give her nothing. Chances are she’ll start looking to dip her paw in your glass of milk. In due time.
Mordecai, Dara, A.z,
Thank you so much for your support through this process…
Mordecai,
Thank you for the great knowledge!!
However, I don’t think she’s ever going to call… with the changed numbers and all. Plus she’s extremely stubborn and prideful. Keep in mind that this is person who once told me, “if we break up, you’ll be the one coming back for me, its always you who comes back every time.” Regardless, I think I’m okay with that. Its still tough going thru the day to day. To make it worse, I keep thinking and imagining scenarios of what she’s doing now…or who… 
I am keeping strong with NC, today is NC day # 18; but I don’t know how long I’m going to continue calling it NC… before I refer to it as giving up!!
I am going to enjoy my time with this new girl(s). I’m definitely taking things slow; I’ve been on a few dates, but I haven’t connected with anyone like I did with this particular girl. So I don’t know if I should continue to date many or continue with seeing her only? Also, I am finding it difficult to get myself aroused with these new women. Its not a health issue (because trust me, the ex and I were Extremely Sexual and active with each other/ Like multiple times a day, actually our last time was 6 times on that day). Anyway…TMI (SORRY!!) But what the heck is going on with me… Is it a comfort thing?? Either way its been okay, cause I want to take things slow…
Joe
NC is rough… 18 days already so good for you!
From a girl’s perspective, I broke up with one of my exs before and we got back after half a year because when he showed up again, wow he was like a totally new person! Yeah so I thought making changes is definitely helping 
Also, could you take a look at my post? Really needs guys’ perspective here…
https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/may-seem-impossible-but-i-want-to-try-my-best-to-get-back-with-him/
Joe,
It sounds like both our women are kind of stubborn which is what makes the thought of NC so hard because we really don’t know how they will react to us not contacting them for over a month. I don’t know that she will even contact me at all because of her stubbornness and strong attitude. And then its like… do we contact them after 40 days or so? How will that look on us? will they even like that? what in the hell is the right thing to do? You want to do the right thing to make sure it all works out in the end but we don’t know what that is for sure.
I can relate a lot to this. My ex also is very stubborn and has a lot of pride (which I respect to a certain degree), but it’s working against me in this case. I don’t know what the right thing to do is either.
In case you’re interested, I’d love some perspective on my story: https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/this-is-a-doozy/
I thought the same with my ex that she wouldn’t call me. Then she called from a new number 2 months down after we broke up calling drunk and crying.
Then she changed her number after 2 weeks being in contact.
7months later this past April, night before Easter she called private and text me drunk. Saying:
“Hey its me” “its been awhile”
and when I didn’t respond (I was drunk that night and confused so I left her texts alone initially thinking someone was playing a game pretending to be her) she text:
“I hope your on your way to marriage”
Joe, its completely normal about not getting aroused with other women like you did with your ex. Same with me. I couldn’t finish a lot of times during the act with other women months after my ex and me broke up. (Sorry for detail but to give some brotherly perspective) my ex and me were the same very sexually active. As you can imagine “finishing” wasn’t a problem. Sometimes under 2 minutes.
What we are definitely experiencing is the absence of comfort we had with our ex. Mainly we were used to them.
I guarantee, once time goes on, and we find another person and fall in love, it will be as great. Rare instances, maybe not. But most likely it will be.
Your in the flames still Joe. Its extremely fresh. And months down to a year you’ll still think of her.
When your ex calls 10 months down like mine did, its going to reopen the wound.
A lot of Joy at first being happy she called, mixed with a lot of analyzing and head scratching. And then being hurt again when she’s being hot and cold. Hot and really cold.
I’m currently now in NC because she pissed me off with our last conversation recently. I can’t deal with the mind games.
I have her number. But I’ve put my foot down and started NC.
I had never seen any girl as stubborn and persistent as my ex but we exchanged some emails around 85th days of NC! I did not follow her next because I started enjoying dating these girls lately! I am not sure if I want her back! I agree with DoubleU, it does not work in favor in psychological terms! Anyway, eventually I am playing it the coolest!! ha ha ha…
Best of luck everyone here!!
As I’ve already post these last few days have been really bad… Today is not starting off on the right foot either… I am at work now and all I keep doing is searching to see if she has gotten an instagram or facebook… AHHHHH!!! its driving me crazy… I wish I had vacation days… So I can get some time off to get over this…
I know I need to start working on me but my body just wants to talk to her… I know 3 weeks isn’t a long time but it feels like hell today!! (I hope shes feeling the same)…
I just need to be reassured of one thing… Do I have a much better chance of reconnecting if I continue NC?? Do I really need to go 90 days? I know my story is a few pages back sorry to bring it all back up again…
All,
Should we be posting our comments on the main page, I’ve tried it and it says your comment is waiting for review (or something like that) and then it never gets posted…
Also, I have been getting Kevin’s email on a consistent basis… Lately his email have included a link to a webpage that I wouldn’t think would come from Kevin, HAS ANYONE ELSE Seen these/ or know what I’m talking about??
AHHHHH!!! Please help!! I did it again today… I drove by her house again this morning (6am). She WASN’T HOME!! Now I have a million things going on in my mind…
PLEASE HELP!!
Dont drive by there man dont do it!!! She is probably doing some busy stuff in the morning or maybe she is parking in her garage? Either way try to keep working… i check this site like every hour for help but get stuff done in the mean time.
Joe,
Stay strong! We are all like drug addicts! Don’t sniff it again! Every time you drive there, you take a small dose! The ultimate aim of NC is becoming a stronger you! Delete everything that reminds you of her! Don’t go around her apartment! Its all memories!
Make yourself busy! If you don’t find anything, stay here and read some stories. If possible comment on their posts so that they understand that they are not alone! In this way, apart from killing your time you and making your mind busy, you are making others like yourself happy!
Your story is like mine! Really tough with no future but this idea will help you move on much easier than others! Believe me! Just like you, when I was new here, I kept saying that there are no chances for me and practically after 3 weeks looked for some dates!
Stay strong Joey!