Dara,
How long has it been since you and your ex split?
A.Z., Edward, Daniel, Steve, Festival David, Rihanna,
Please read my posts… I’d love your opinion… Thanks!
Our breakup happened about 100 days ago and my NC started on it 95th day. Though, we exchanged some email about 10 days ago.
Joe, I recommend you to read some of the stories on comment section of the main site (5 steps…). Kevin was really active about 2-3 months ago. When you read the stories and his comments, you’ll get an idea on how it works. Just like me, you may find some stories resembling yours. I used to read every new story when I was new here. When you apprehend the trend, you can even comment on other posts! 
Please help me!! My name is Kevin
I’m 20 and my ex girlfriend is 18. I love her with all my heart and she claimed the same and even told me everyday. We were the happiest couple and couldn’t get enough of each other. We had been dating for almost a year when she all of a sudden wanted to break up and was very vague as to why.
I treated her the best I could. I'm a genuinely caring person and I always did my best to make her smile. I was always there for her when she needed me and always did my best to listen and give advice when she was feeling depressed. We were both always obsessed with seeing each other as much as possible.
After a few days of her breaking up, I brought her her favorite flowers and chocolate hoping it was just a bad time she was having. After 30 minutes of talking (and me practically sobbing) she told me she had sex with somebody else within the first couple weeks we started seeing each other. We were technically hook up buddies for a while until it manifested into dating.
Yesterday, after she told me I went ballistic and said horrible things to her out of spite. I'm willing to overlook it since it was back when we were basically just sex buddies.
Any thoughts that may help me out? I removed her from Facebook to keep myself from looking her up and breaking no contact. I even foolishly messaged her today apologizing and said I love her but I will get through this even though I want her back more then anything. Her response was "why did you say those mean things?" And I explained I got caught up in the moment and we weren't even serious then so I can forgive you. Please help me.
HEY joe,
Sorry i didn’t reply to your post before cuz i saw Dara and David responding and we have almost the same opinions most of the times.but i just read it.
You should continue NC for 2-3 months.if she contacts you anytime before atleast 45 days ,you don’t have to answer it.
NC here means that you should cut the communications and you should stop stalking her.you don’t have to check her profile not for her but for your own good.stop thinking about what she might be doing.
You were right about the rehab.its actually the same thing but in this situation,only you can help yourself.when you break up with someone you love,its like a drug addiction.the same part of your mind orders you and wants to get as small doze of it as it can.but you should ignore it.its tough but you can handle that. i remember i didn’t even check my fb’s home page for a full month,i used to open my profile page,upload some photos and that was it.you want NC to be more affective so you should do that.
There is nothing you can do to make her change her mind right now.you should continue NC otherwise you will push her further away.
Don’t worry if you have been acting needy,she will forget all about that,she will forget the bad memories and she will begin to miss you.
Don’t worry if you were the one who said it was over.it doesn’t really matter.
Work on yourself,concentrate on your life,try to have a good time,go on dates,do what you always wanted to do,make positive changes in your life.you need to impress her after NC,so she needs to see the changes.
Leave her and everything about her for a little while and focus on yourself.avoid any negative thoughts and all of us will be here to tell you what you should do next.
Sign up to kevin’s email series and i recommend you to read the Relationship Rewind.
Hey kevinmusicro,
please create your own thread.and its ok.read the article and you should follow the plan.
Hi Joe,
Likewise with A.z I didnt reply since my first comment because although I saw your comment afterwards, Dara had already hit the nail on the head about the panicking and the NC.
I dont have anything else to add really, except that In my opinion…I think the fact that you no longer have her phone numbers…that its actually a blessing in disguise!
So Im actually hoping for your sake, that you didnt write down her new number or remember it.
The hardest part about NC for me and im assuming others is, forcing yourself to not contact them!..Ive gone through blocking her number so I cant see if she contacts me…to unblocking it incase she does contact me…then re-blocking…then unblocking coz I think I should force ymself to have the mental strength etc and around in circles I went! haha
…so if you have actually forgotten her number I would say take it as a good thing!..you wont be constantly trying to ring/text her…
Carry on the NC and about checking out other women and talking, thats completely normal and definitely not a BAD Thing. Its not been too long so flirting and talking is very good to boost your confidence and distract you…but I wouldnt do anything sexual for at least a few weeks…you dont want to be the one who ends up in a rebound!..but its flirting is definitely good!!
Keep this up and in a month you might make a post here saying “Ive realised I can get other women and I no longer want her etc”…Who knows
Keep it up 
A.Z, Dara, David,
Thank you so much you!! I am going to continue with NC.
Yesterday was a good day, I had a very positive outlook; I went out with old friends and had a great time.
I woke up this morning thinking about and missing her. I don’t know why, but it seems like the mornings are the toughest times for me. It’s like I get startled awake thinking of her.
Anyway… I feel better now (a little better). Weekends are particularly tough… I wonder what she’s doing, who’s she going out with…etc. I hate it… I don’t want to think those things but I do. I often get tempted to drive by her place just to see if she’s home… I know that’s not healthy but a part of me feels relieved when I see that shes home. (I’m crazy huh???).
Well… some good news is, I had one of the girls that I’ve recently met (exchanged numbers with and have been texting) ask me if I had anything going on tonight… sounds like I could possibly have a date tonight.
I sometimes wonder if its a good idea, I feel like I’ll put too much emotion quickly into the situation, almost to replace the ex. Any thoughts?
A.Z, Dara, david,
On another note, I was wondering about your backgrounds. How old are you guys? Where are you from? Did you get your exes back? (I know Dara’s story but not the others) A.Z (no disrespect) but are you male or female? LOL!!
Hope to hear back from you guys soon!!
Joe
Hi Joe,
Thats really good to hear, dont get me wrong, you will have ups and down days!..I still dream and think about my ex a lot too and its been 4 months+…but I also feel a lot better about myself the fact im not needy etc and well dreams are dreams…you cant control them!
As for driving by her house, you shouldnt be doing that as you know :)…but your not crazy when it makes you feel good, it makes you feel good coz you know kinda know shes not out with other guys, getting drunk doing stuff etc…thats all normal
As for my background, you can probably find a few bits on the main comments section if you search, I also made a thread on here just recently so you can see what im currently doing. But basically I split with ex in heat of moment and then after few weeks realized and she wouldnt get back with me…also found some other stuff out.
Im 25 (26 in 3 weeks)…Male and from UK
Hey,
Whatever u feel is totally normal.give yourself some more time and be sure you will feel better.
I have been there before,i mean all of us have been there so we exactly know how u feel and that feeling doesn’t last forever.
Do whatever you like,go on dates,have fun.don’t worry.whatever it is ,its gonna help you and it’ll boost your self confidence.
I’m a 23, female and from US
I posted my story for those who are new here ,somewhere below steves post last night and i’ll copy it below.
I broke up with my ex 5 months ago and he never came back,i applied NC for 34 days.he contacted me.we kept contacting each other for a month and he was talking about his feelings and how much he loved me and…we met and he started crying and said that i’m the one for him and we should work on ourselves so we can get back together in the future .
I went to another country and we had an argument and i went on NC again for 20 days ,he contacted me , kevin suggested me to break NC and he kept talking about his feelings for me but he never asked me to get back,i got back here,he asked me out twice and every time i brought some excuses. i played lots of mind games and i never showed her how i felt for him and it made me sick and also pushed him away.
We had another argument like a month ago,he texted my best friend and told her that my bad behavior is the reason that we are not together and he said he doesn’t want to get back with me.
he called me the next day and explained evrything and again told me that he loves me but we can’t get back together because he can’t forget what i did and that i haven’t changed and getting back will cause more and more arguments and he can’t handle that. and IF someday everything will be ok,then we can get back together. ( it was more like we can never get back together LOL )
He texted me after 2 days and then we were in touch again until 11 days ago.
I said i’m sorry for whatever i did to him and he said he forgave me.i told him how exactly i feel for him and i said we should finish this cuz non of us can move on when we are still in each others lives.
He said he loves me and he can’t do that,he can’t forget me and he can’t handle finishing everything between us out of nowhere and asked me to give him a chance to meet me.
I have been working on myself to see him for the last time and i’m about to start NC forever .
So wish me luck
A.Z,
Was it a new realization that you didn’t want to get back with him… Cause it seems that you accomplished what you wanted with NC. HE came back and wanted you… SO, then why did you break away again…
All,
I’m 29 from So Cal…(I asked you guys and didn’t say about myself)
Joe,
On the 4th night of my NC, I was terribly obsessed with what she might be doing! I want for a walk around 1 a.m. Then I felt like I should see her car! I spent a half an hour to walk to her house! I did not see her car and got pissed off! I had no other choice than to assume that she has gone to her best friends house who is also a single girl!
There were also other things that worried me. Like she is doing a lot of makeup after the breakup but I assume she’s doing it because she feels rejected (because I accepted the breakup). Or once a friend told me that she saw me ex walking on the street and she is so cute. I felt really bad that she is attracting other boys!
Joe, whatever annoys you, find a positive reason for it and stick to it until your emotions subside!
Joe,
He never asked me to get back.like i said,he told me that he loves me but he can’t be with me cuz he can’t handle any more argument.
I believe i have changed alot.but i don’t think if thats the real reason for him not to get back with me.
And also its been more than 5 months and i really don’t know what will happen if we ever get back together and i feel kinda scared when i think about it.i really love him and i believe there will be times that i’m gonna miss him like crazy but i really tried.even though i know he has so many issues like family issues ,financial issues … but i wanted this to work so i have been waiting and trying the whole 5 months.I think thats enough.if he doesn’t want to be with me,i need to let him go.
A.Z.
“he asked me out twice and every time i brought some excuses…”
That sounds like someone making the first step to try and reconnect with someone. Maybe, he didn’t flat out ask you to be his GF again… But it seems to me that he was trying to work his way there…
I think you should do whatever makes you happy… But NC, In my opinion, will bring him back again…
HOPE THAT WORKS FOR MY SITUATION…
I really wish you the best.
I know i kinda pushed him away,but i was sure he didn’t want to get back.otherwise he wouldn’t have said those things about not getting back together.
I know he missed me or misses me or whatever but he is not thinking about getting back with me.
I’m gonna meet him soon.lets see what happens.
a.z.,
I truly understand you! I also do things that superficially make no sense but deep in my mind they make sense. I admire what you do/did! In fact, deep in your thought they make sense but they cannot be written down (probably because that is a conclusion of too many ideas kept together)! I believe in long term those actions bring no regrets!
Best of luck a.z.!
Exactly.thank you very much Dara.
Joe your story is nearly IDENTICAL to mine. I’ll make my first thread with more detail and a finale at the end to make you throw up. But thought to add a snip as your situation is about the same. Trust me, I was at the deaths door too. Changed number etc.
Me: 30
Her: 32
2 years together. Lived together.
Break up: her.
Reason: build up of bickering/arguing
When: last September.
Total time of seperation: 11 months currently.
Contacts during 11 months: 2. Both her initations.
No contact first 2 months. Out of the blue in November, Sunday, I get 2 private calls and hangs up. Then 3rd call finally she spoke and started bickering drunk. Wanting me to come by. I didn’t make it.
2 weeks contact went from civil to disastrous. She changed her number.
7 months later (after me dating multiple women still constantly thinking of her, her too with guys) she private calls then texts me drunk.
I was a little shocked, and drunk at the time too thinking one of my friends were playing a joke on me.
2 weeks later with no contact she texts me at 2am saying its her. And calls me drunk. Again to come by. This time she was REALLY wanting me too. By then it was almost 4am and I had to get up for work. I couldn’t make it.
Now past 3 months we have on and off contact. Drunk texting EACH OTHER. Hot cold hot cold. Few weeks ago her wanting come by to spend the night. Next days cold. With threats she’s going to change her number again.
WHO CALLS someone 10months down looking for “closure” if they are supposedly “completely done” with the person? So I took it as she was just “gaurding” her emotions. I still think so too.
Joe, go no contact. Your only chance. The more you stay quiet and hidden, the more she will think of you. The not knowing will bother her. Especially if she’s anticipating some sort of contact from you. And doesn’t get it.
She’ll start to boil over time.
She’ll catch herself one day in a lonely or depressed state and contact you. I’d give it 95% chance she will.
Be prepared and careful. Don’t lose the ball and bombard text her and gnat it. She’ll be turned off. Trust. I messed up. Got lucky months later. But I still slip up and gnat it here and there. Hence is why I’m here to avoid the deaths door again.
Nice story Mordecai! Good attitude! I completely agree with you!!
Mordecai,
Good Story!! Almost exactly my situation… Thank you for the post… It really helped me…
I will continue NC. Tuesday will be 2 weeks. It’s been tough but I appreciate having all of you here for support.
I had a date on Friday night; it went well but… Well… you guys know…IT WASN’T HER 
I hope your right Mordecai… I’ll take a 95% chance…
Thanks!
I had a date tonight… IT WENT GREAT!!
I had a blast!!
P.S. I was a good boy