is it ever really over?

reconciliation
1

I’ve made other posts on this website and helped some people with their problems but mine never got any better :confused:

Its been 5 months that my relationship of 8 months with my amazing ex has been terminated! In these 5 months i did everything the mistakes (begging, crying and acting needy), i did NC for 30 days twice (she contacted me both times in the last week of the NC), i wrote the magic letter and it only got her to wonder about how she changed and how i was doing… also, i got much better i’m playing hockey in 2 leagues, not sad no more, go to the gym 6 times a week, go to school, date women, go out and party with friends, i have a part time job as well!

She started dating her rebound guy a 2 weeks after our brake up, now its been 4 months that their official! She started dating him because she was heart broken and that he has been trying to get with her for 4 years now (he was also the reason she left me i was suspicious of their friendship) so she gave him a chance then she lost her grand grandmother with whom she was very close too so she grew even closer to this guy!

The reason why i was doubtful of this guy is that they were going to prom together! The guy was her best friend at the time as well (clearly a rebound)

I wrote her 2 letters and she did not appreciate the 2nd one since i was talking from the heart showing her my emotions telling her i love her and that she should give us another chance, thing is she dosent believe in 2nd chances (so she says to our common friend after a meet up to talk about me because it got her mad that i was trying to brake her bf and her up…)

She has shown me too many sings of her wanting me back on last friday for me to give up but in the end you always doubt! She was emotional (angry mostly), told me she only spread good words of me, dosent want to hurt me because she cares!

After the first letter she contacted me 30 days after, day for day, and texted me “hey i know its weird that i’m texting you right now but its been a moth that i’m thinking about talking to you but i was very hesitant. Anyways tell me whats new in your life! :$” by doing this she kind of showed me she was missing me unless im reading this wrong

Btw that text and the argument i had with my ex happened within the last 2 weeks!

During the 5 months of the brake up she texted me once randomly to bring up old memories of a video game we loved to play, she said when we just broke up that she wanted to come back and that it was only temporary! But then switched to we are never coming back together and its time for me to move on (bullshit), it pissed her off that i fucked another girl after our brake up (learned that on the argument last friday!), she did alot of push pull! Hot and cold… her facebook profile pictures only have quotes mainly saying that she is hoping for a better tomorow when she was with me her facebook pictures were more of the kind of her expressing her intense love for me and happiness of us being together.

I still feel like i have an oppertunity but the fact that we got into an argument last friday about me wanting her back and stuff probably ruined everything! one of her best friends and her sister say that she will regret her decision one day!

She is 17 and i 19, i love her sooooo much and i think she does too.

So please tell me i have a shot! But if not say so as well!

If i do have a chance tell me what i should do to get her back!

P.s: i’ll answer questions about any missing info you want and i’ll be helping out your situation as well!

2

Also forgot to mention that she met up with my mom twice and was crying both times maybe cuz of me and she met with a verry good common friend of ours to speak of me cuz she was mad at me because i said i loved her and wanted a 2nd chance she was overwelmed apparently and was mad at me for trying to brake em up…

3

Shes going through things called drift and switch shell drift to you or away from you then when she gets close she switchs thats where you need to be observant of her plant whats called a bliss bomb very effective it goes like 'look we’re close and i want it to stay that way i want you to know im here for you anytime we always manage to get things sorted together’with this its always there and when she has a problem you remind her by saying remember when i said look we’re close etc… This will throw instantly into bliss an explosion of emotion and remember a rebound is like a cigarette the quicker the fire burns the quicker its finished so that rebound wont last forever but make a false friendship based on trust understanding and honesty this will work in your favour when the time is right

4

Am i to appologise for what i did last friday? Like hey i’m sorry to have acted that way i just wish for you to stay in my life even if its only friends! I understand you have a boyfriend i wont try anything trust me! look we’re close and i want it to stay that way i want you to know im here for you anytime we always manage to get things sorted together

5

i think you should stop thinking of this guy as a “rebound”. my mom had the same boyfriend for 11 years and met and married my dad 6 months later and they are still married 30 years later. plus, she knew him before. she may have already have feelings. maybe their relationship will last, but maybe it wont. don’t obsess over it.

i don’t think you should initiate any conversations with your ex while she’s in a new relationship. its too painful and its not really considerate to her new guy. if she reaches out to you just be upbeat and friendly and if thats too hard for you just tell her you can’t.

its a good sign she still wants to keep in contact but its hard to know if any of that means anything. its best to cut contact and focus on moving on. if her new relationship ends, you can possibly revisit it then.

6

Im sorry but it is a rebound, since this guy is her best friend and she never had feelings for him she said she just wanted to give him a shot since he was always there and she got closer because of the death of her grand grandmother when my friend asked her if she loved him she paused and second then looked up at my friend and said o…uin which means kind of in french she stutered while saying it too…

7

@atea1234 your saying its over?

8

Anyone else?

9

Should i give up or just give it time?

10

Give it time man! Don’t ever give up if you know it’s true love my friend! You’ll regret it in the end!

11

You should give it a time, once you get busy with yourself and all then good things happen when least expected you know… But sigh its just so easy to tell these, the hard part is trying to focus yourself on other things for real.

12

I already do regret, i want her back so bad and i feel like im losing, but i know she cares! She may even still love me! She has a new guy and got mad at me for trying to break em up… i want to give some girl a chance to be with me i mean she has been running after me for 3 years and she would treat me great! But even if i dont no matter what happens i date or not a new girl she will always be #1 in my heart and in my mind!

13

Well you cant really force anyone to do something and if she really does love you she will be back but you should let her go for now. I’m no different than how you feel, and what I just said are so very difficult for me too eventhough I’m aware of what is right. Its so hard and sad but we have to learn how to live without them…Oh gosh I feel so terrible, I’m in a terrible situation and advicing somethings that I myself do the opposite

14

Its in these times that we must listen to the advice that we would give to others! But i guess your all right! I have to stop pursuing and let her miss me if she ever does… :frowning:

15

Yes others see and understand the situation better. You have done all you could so now give her time to be able to see what you have done for her and to be with her, she will realize and miss you if you can manage to stay strong and get busy with yourself

16

Your absolutely right! There is only one thing killing me and its the fact that apparantly she dosent believe in second chancess :confused:

17

no im not saying its over. no one can answer that. unfortunately you have to give it time. i think “giving up” in a way is a good thing. you don’t have to give up your love for her or your hope to reconcile, but you can give up trying to get her back. i don’t think you should try to get her back while she has a boyfriend. i think you should stick to nc and really work on and focus on yourself. no one knows what will happen a few months down the line - there is always a chance, but right now the best thing you can do is let it go and focus on you.

if and when her relationship with this guy ends, you can step back in. but for now don’t let her have her cake and eat it too. if she wants to be with this other guy she shouldn’t get the privilege of still talking to you

18

@atea1234

What do i do if she contacts me or asks to meet up?

19

I’m hoping that you will be really busy with somethings you enjoy by the time she contacts you and asks you to meet up, so you can tell her sometime later nicely. If not so still try not to give in so quick you know.

20

Okay ya i understand when she contacts me wait a little to reply, then if she wants to meet up i push it back a little cuz im too busy