My SO of multiple years and I broke up, long story short because of having to move for a job and him not being ready to commit/knowing if I was “the one”. Met up shortly after the breakup and he was saying he felt good about decision, didnt think we would get back together in future and was kind of cold so I went no contact at that time. A few weeks later he contacted me and came to my house with the excuse of returning items, was shy but really happy to see me, giving me hugs, asking questions abt my life, calling me pet names. I did pretty well and stayed positive but brief, didnt share much info, said I had plans and asked him to leave after 5 min or so. Before leaving he told me about his plans to do some solo travel and asked to see me when he returns to “touch base” in about 6 weeks. I’m approaching a month of no contact and am deciding if I should try to do some of the memory texts while he is away or just continue NC until hes back or reaches out to me
Let him miss you a little longer. Continue no contact until he gets back. Then send a memory text.
What does significant other mean? Boyfriend/girlfriend? Were you living together? How many years were you in this “relationship”? What are your ages?
After multiple years together (how many?), he should definitely know if you’re “the one” and if he wants to commit (??marriage, living together??).
Thanks! So it is a boyfriend of 3 years, we were not living together, we are in our mid-twenties so young-ish and we had to make a huge career decision and were talking about moving in/engagement, and he got cold feet.
I started no contact and that’s when he reached out to me a few weeks later and came over and said that stuff and was acting differently. We just got our job assignments a few days ago and he reached out right after when he found out we were going to be in close cities to congratulate me, we chatted over text a little, but after a while he stopped answering and now we arent talking again.
So technically he was the one to break no contact after about a month but since he is going to be out of town for another month or so now, and I’m not sure if I’ll hear from him in that time, I don’t know if I should reach out to build some spark if i dont hear back before hes back in town or wait for him to return / ask me to meet up
He needs more time to miss you and clear up his thoughts about you.
Don’t contact him before he leaves and don’t contact him while he’s gone. If he’s interested in talking with you he will call or text after her returns.
Texting naturally stops at some point so don’t be offended that he stopped the texting session. The best way to communicate is in person, the next best way is a phone call, and last is texting.
I’m sure you must be heartbroken and disappointed that he got cold feet, but you can’t talk him into wanting to live together etc. He has to be sure about it in his own mind.
Good luck and keep us posted if you like…
Thank you! I just worked so hard to get to 30 days of no contact that waiting another whole month sounds really tough. But I have long weekend getaways planned for the next two weekends, so I’m telling myself to wait it out through then and then if I don’t hear from them at that time, I can reassess.
Stay strong! Wishing you the best and enjoy your weekend getaways:)
Mini update- After 40 days no contact I reached out to my ex with a memory text / asking a question. He replied positively and was being helpful answering the question/ reminiscing abt the memory, then we chatted for a bit and he was telling me abt his travels and what hes been up to without me asking. i kept it short and said i had to go after a bit. He was replying really fast and writing long messages with emojis so i thought that was good, but it was def just friendly surface level stuff and not flirty or deep, so my friends have been a bit negative and saying maybe he just wants to be friends. Also, he said he was enjoying his trip and his travels, so my friends again are saying thats a bad sign, but what else is he going to say?? im sure he is having fun, and anyone would to try to sound positive and like theyre doing well (i did the same thing)
a few days after i reached out, he sent me a sweet text when a sports team i like won a championship. I waited a few hours to reply, but once i did he didnt write back … so not sure if it was just being “friendly”, but he didnt have to reach out and clearly was thinking about me. we are both still going to be traveling until the end of the month, so i thought him trying to re-establish contact at all was a good thing, but i guess it is possible he just wants to be friends, so will have to see what happens when hes back in town.
You’re the one who reached out first after 40 days no contact. His reply could have just been the courteous thing to do. And his subsequent contact more of the same type friendly gesture. It would have been better to not contact him until a few days after he returns from his travels. The reason being that he is busy, having fun, and distracted. Since he didn’t initiate first contact, it’s difficult to know what he’s thinking.
He asked to see you when he returns from his solo travels. It doesn’t sound like he would be contacting you during his travels. So yes, I think it would be better to wait and see what he has to say after he returns. Don’t contact him first as he will probably need a few days to decompress and then he will probably contact you for a meetup to talk…
Hey everyone! I haven’t been on here in a while, hoping for some advice of where to go from here or if my situation is hopeless. Here is the back story and what happened from my original post:
Ex and I are mid 20s and were together for over 3 years, I had a life decision to make so I gave him an ultimatum abt committing and he got cold feet and broke up with me. I went no contact, after about a month he came to see me and his attitude seemed different. He told me he was going traveling for two months, and asked me if he could touch base with me when he returned. Since my original post, I now heard from a mutual friend that my ex was talking about getting back together around this time, but said he wanted to be “sure” he wanted to commit to me before restarting something.
As I talked about above, I continued NC, then about 2 months post-break up initiated a text. We texted friendly things once or twice a week for that next month, he was traveling during this period almost the whole time since the break up and i proposed getting together for a drink when he got back. He then texted me the day he returned to town and asked me out for a drink the next night!
Unfortunately, here is where things took a turn. I was already at a party that night when I received his text, and didnt expect him to show up. I was a little thrown off and my so called “friends” started feeding me drinks and i didnt keep my cool so well. The next day he canceled our date, and texted me saying “last night showed we arent ready to be just friendly, unfortunately i dont have interest in pursuing a relationship with you right now, so it would be easier to stay apart for the time being.”
I wasn’t even sure what to make of that message 
Since he basically asked me to wait for him before this trip and asked if we could touch base after, I don’t really think that is much of a “closure” text and still seemed to me like he was saying things like “not right now” and “for the time being” to kind of string me along without saying anything definitive. After four years together and saying we should get together to talk, the text wasnt anything like, “i thought about it while i was away and we should move on” or “were just not meant to be” or anything really shutting it down. And I’m not even sure why he asked me to get drinks in the first place, if he just felt like he owed me a talk or if he was interested in rekindling something, but then from the party realized it wasnt a good idea right then unless he wanted to get back into a relationship.
After canceling the date, he said we could get coffee another time that week. Later in the week, he texted me again, apologizing for not reaching out to get coffee and saying that he had injured himself (which was true) and had a hard time getting out that week. I saw him at graduation and was kind of staring at me and then approached me to talk, but I did not want to have a long conversation that day and kind of cut it off.
He moved out shortly after that and never texted me again to get coffee, and I went back to no contact and didn’t push him to get together either. I heard from a friend that he still seemed sad when they went out like 2 weeks ago and was talking about me, but he seems kind of shut down now and isn’t actively doing anything. I know he is the middle of moving now and busy, so I’m continuing no contact. It is now 4 months out from the break up, and we have been out of touch for around 3 weeks since graduation. I don’t think he is over me, and I still love him and would be willing to give this a little longer, but he isn’t ready to get back together now and I kind of screwed up my chances for a casual meet up. I’m not sure where to go from here and would appreciate any help
Also for a little more info of what I actually did wrong at the party you can read here, if you dont think its relevant just skip lol:
So he greeted me when he came in but then I mostly kept distance. However like I said my friends started giving me drinks in this time and then kinda abandoned me. Towards the end of the night everyone was sitting around and I was sitting next to him, we were talking and I thought getting along but then I stupidly like brushed his arm with my arm. We were kinda in a big circle of everyone so people would have seen and he freaked out, he said that he just got back that night and wanted to just relax with all the mutual friends, that he asked me out for the next night. I said that I was just trying to relax and have fun too, that I didnt mean anything with the arm graze. But then because I was drunk and stupid I didnt stop there lol, I asked him why he was being weird and if he even wanted to hang out the next day. He says of course he did or he wouldnt have texted me. But then later I made a fool of myself and sent him a number of drunk texts to the effect of saying he was being shady and if there was nothing left to talk about we shouldnt meet up the next day. The next morning I looked at my phone and totally hated myself, lol.
Still keep no contact. If his feelings for you are still strong then he will reach out.
I think that’s the plan for now, especially since he just moved to the new city alone, I’m sure it’ll be a bit of a lonely time for him compared to the distractions of vacation, graduation parties, going out with all his friends before everyone moves away post-grad, etc. Also my birthday is coming up in like 2 weeks, so I figure that is a good test to see if he’ll reach out and with me happy birthday? If he does, or doesn’t lol, not sure what I will do next …
I suggest you stop getting drunk. Your friends did not force the drinks down your throat… When someone is drunk, they sometimes say and do things they regret later (as you did). Continue no contact like gamecoder advised. Since you were together some years, he might send you a happy birthday greeting, but if he asks to meet up with you in person, be courteous and allow him to tell you what he thinks of the whole situation if he wants to and don’t get defensive. Just be sweet:)
Good luck.
Thanks. Yea I clearly know I made a huge mistake because I got nervous when I saw him unexpectedly, don’t worry, I’m beating myself up over it every day. I apologized and I don’t think he is mad or anything but I lost my chance to meet up casually at that time, trying to move forward
I’m definitely staying no contact for 2 weeks until the birthday to see if he reaches out. If he does, my plan is to just be casual and try to start a little conversation out of it. If not, I’m not sure what to do after.
I still love this man with all my heart and I know he still loves me and is hurting, whether or not he’s doing anything about it now or trying to move on and go at it alone and see how he feels down the road, whatever. I know it’s been four months but after four years that isn’t so long that I’m ready to give up, especially as long as his last message was saying “not pursuing a relationship now” and should “wait on meeting up” and not anything definitive. He hasn’t been dating yet and as long as we are both still single I’m not going to give up on hope
Background info: So background if no one wants to read all the above, was with my ex for like 4 years but we had to make a major job decision, kind of gave him an ultimatum about committing and when he was still expressing doubts we broke up. Apparently he was having second thoughts in March-April and considering getting back together with me but didnt tell me that (heard it later through a friend) but ultimately i guess didnt want to restart something if he wasnt still ready to commmit. He had been texting me a bit for a month or so around April, and asked me to meet up for drinks when he came back to town for graduation in May. but then i acted a little emotional when i saw him at a party, and he canceled our meet up saying he “wasnt interested on pursuing a relationship right now so we should wait on meeting up for the time being.” He said we could get coffee or something another time but I didnt try to see him and went no contact. And he moved to his new city in June. I know he was going to try to move on, date other people etc etc since he wasnt sure about us and getting back together at that point and was moving a couple hours away.
Now: Since I was last on here at the beginning of June, I moved, started my new job, have been making new friends and dating and having fun, doing well all in all finally (the first few months after the break up were really rough). However, I do still have feelings for him and at least for now still if I ever heard from him would still consider it. But since he canceled that meet up at the end of May I never tried to reach out again or contact him.
His birthday was Friday, so I decided to send a text for the first time in like 2-3 months. For context, this is a guy who had no problem ignoring texts from me back in the spring and when we were together and his exes would text him on his birthday, would not answer them. I said something like “happy birthday, i’m sure its no (referenced an inside joke from his bday party 4 yeras ago, but it happened to be when we met for the first time and we hung out the whole day together and started talking), but I hope its a good one”. I didnt really expect a response or figured if anything hed just say thanks. The next day he responded, and said “Thank you so much 
yea haha well cant really top that so i’ll just have to settle from here on out”
A lot of people I showed that too thought that sounded kind of sad and nostalgic like talking abt “settling from here on out” and not just saying “thanks!” or “thanks it was good!” or something more positive. and that he might still have feelings for me. So I thought about if I wanted to try to talk to him, waited a day and then responded, made a little joke and then asked how he likes the new city, but no answer this was like 3 days ago
do you think he is is just oblivious to the connotations of that text and it was just a polite response, or he might still have some feelings? If he has no feelings anymore, that just kind of sucks that he would send such a weird and kind of sentimental message that could possibly be misconstrued by me, he is a smart guy and it was the first thing he wrote me in a couple months so its hard to believe he wouldnt think how that would look.
The other weird part about the “settling from here on out” thing is I know (from snooping on other peoples social media, not his because he himself has not posted anything or talked to our old friends abt having a new relationship as far as I have heard) that he has been seeing someone new for a few weeks, maybe about a month in his new city. But I really dont think it is serious because it started extremely soon after he moved to this new city, and apparently from snooping this girl is only living there for one year and then actually moving to the place I live that he wasnt so keen on doing long distance to. Also, he did not re-share any of the things from this birthday party on his own social media (which he usually does), im suspecting because he was in the videos standing close to her and dancing with her. i doubt she’d like if she saw him texting talking abt “settling from here on out” the day after hanging out with her at his birthday party…
So basically, idk if he didnt answer my second message to start a convo because he doesnt really care anymore, or because he is seeing someone else, or because hes actually still missing me and having feelings and the “settling from here on out” text did mean something
Honestly, you need to stop obsessing and trying to figure out what he meant or didn’t mean.
The breakup was months ago, so if he doesn’t ever initiate contact, it’s not a good sign…
Try to get on with life and go out on fun dates with other guys.
Curious as to how far apart you are as long distance is a big factor for a guy to fade away and not want to continue!