I haven’t stopped thinking about my ex since the day he left me. I’m still madly in love with him. We were together 5 years and I know in my heart he is the one I am meant to be with. He is the love of my life. He broke up with me because he got a job abroad and was really stressed out about it. I can’t give up. I know what we had was real and amazing. We always made each other laugh. We always had fun. I will never love anyone as much as I did for him. We broke up in early October. He’s been in Germany since end of November. I don’t care about the distance. I love him more than anything. He is my soul mate and I’m positive of that. I wanted to live abroad with him: and I would. I would do anything to be with him. Why can’t I just tell him this? I hate that I’ve lost my best friend and love. I knew him better than he knew himself. I know that he is easily stressed out and I know he was under a lot of pressure. Please, what can I do? I wish I could just pour my heart out yo him. I love him so much. The thought of not having him in my life is unbearable
First thing’s first: don’t pour your heart out to him. I know it seems like he should be touched that you love him so much, but it will only make you seem desperate and drive him away. Then try to put yourself in his position. Did he break up with you because he doesn’t feel like he can handle any relationship as well as his job? Does he think he can’t handle a long-distance relationship? Did you do something that makes him feel like the relationship won’t work out, e.g. telling him you can’t live without him when he knows he’ll be too busy to spend much time with you? He could be worried about hurting you in that case.
I can’t say what the best strategy is, but definitely give him at least a month of NC, if you haven’t already. Afterwards, I would suggest getting in contact with him every once in a while and being friendly, but not too attached. If you can show him that you two can have a relationship (even as friends) without getting in the way of his work or making him feel like he’s a burden on you, I would guess that you can get back together after a while.
Thank you @tighem. That’s really good advice. I did nc when we first broke up for about 3 weeks and then we were talking, texting, skyping a lot after that. It was too soon. I’m doing another round of nc since right before Xmas. I was thinking of breaking it in march. Do you think that is too soon again?
So it’s been about 2 months? I think
U have done two months of no contact? If so are u ready to contact him? If u are do it in a friendly way, show him that u care. I wish u all the best, I know how u feel. I’ve lost the love of my life, my best friend recently. I feel lost without her. Could you possible read my post and the link to my story. I would appreciate your opinion on my situation
https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/show-her-ive-changed/
Thanks
@rustyred I read your story. How long have you done nc? You need to do that if you haven’t. Like me, 5 years is a long time so she won’t be forgetting about you. You need to give her space because she sounds really confused. What did you do on twitter? Maybe you should get off twitter completely if your ex has a problem with it.
Thank you for reading my post means a lot. Ive been doing no contact off and on for a week. It’s hard at the moment to do no contact because I’m moving out of our old place (she’s moved out all ready) and there’s things that need sorting. I only contact her about the flat. I’m moving out on tue and dropping off the last of her stuff and collecting her keys on wed so I will be starting no contact properly from wed on. I know it is important for her and myself.
I’ve deleted it when she left me the first time, I’m ashamed to say 
LyY88,
i know the temptation well. it really helps me to write letters and not send them. sending anything like that wouldnt be productive now but it does help to write all your feelings down. sometimes i even send them to my best friend just so someone can respond and give me feedback on my feelings.
try to distract yourself and find other things that make you happy - even if its something small! i took up baking and cooking and that helped a lot. i was distracted while i was doing it and gave me something else to focus on. also reading helped me a lot too to get absorbed in a good book.
by the way, im a graduate student also and i know it can get lonely sometimes, so i feel you. lean on your friends and family for support. youll know when youre ready to break nc when youre feeling more emotionally strong and able to handle any outcome. hang in there!
Thank you Atea! Im trying to be strong. Lately I havent been able to focus on my work as a grad student, which is not good! lol. I want to talk to him soon. And I can picture myself losing patience if we are friends for a long time and nothing changes. Like I would probably write a love letter then…ugh. He is stubborn and often a loner. I know him better than anyone and it kills me to think I may not know if he wants me back
i had a really hard time focusing on my schoolwork initially but I’m better now. I’m able to focus more and its actually been a good distraction for me!
personally i couldn’t handle being friends with my ex so that part I definitely wouldn’t even try! my ex is stubborn too but if he wants to be back together he will communicate with you. don’t worry about it. you would know if he wanted you back! if you started talking to him more you would know and eventually you would just have to ask if you weren’t sure.
I think that your ex wants to be with you, but when he got a job abroad he didn’t see any way it would work out. He probably wouldn’t even consider asking you to do something big like move to a different country just to be with him. In any case, the start of a job is definitely the most stressful period for someone. If he’s gotten into the routine and feels more comfortable about his job by March, he should feel stronger emotionally, realize how he feels about you, and start missing you when he’s not worried all the time. If there were anything you could do to help ease his stress, that would help tremendously.
When you contact him, don’t start off asking for a relationship, but see how he’s doing and what he’s feeling/thinking. If he wants to be with you, make sure to kick things off slowly, and don’t do anything big like move in with him until he’s more secure in the relationship. If he doesn’t indicate that he wants you back, it doesn’t mean that’s how he feels. Simply be there for him, and judge when the best time to ask him out is (probably when he’s not feeling stressed at all).
@tighem bless you and thank you for the amazing advice. I think you hit the nail on the head. He was worried about us and the distance. When he first accepted the job he kept saying he wanted us to be together, but I think as it became more real that he was leaving he freaked out. He definitely cannot handle stress at all. He breaks down quite easliy. I think the job just got to him because he is the youngest person in his company to get an offer like this. I think he thinks he has to be perfect.
Your advice makes me feel so much better. I cant thank you enough for your kind words. I hope so much that you are right.
Keep on fighting girl! Let us all know if things work out between you two! 
@tighem Thank you!!! I will try definitely.
If you don’t mind, can I ask you your opinion on one more thing? I was wanting to reach out in March, but some of my friends think I should wait until I’m feeling less depressed about it…do you agree? I’m scared if I wait longer to talk to him he will forget about me or something. I’m not sure what to do. Also, do you think it’s possible to get back together even if long distance? I would go to where he is, and visit if we got back together
You should most definitely wait until you’re feeling better. You want to show him that you are a confident woman who can do just fine by herself. Something that has helped me feel better is when I do things that I think will impress her. I learned how to knit, since I thought that would be unique, and I could make things for her. I have never had much self-esteem, but after using the NC period to better myself physically, socially, financially, and educationally, I actually like myself as a person. Hopefully if I like myself then she’ll like me even more! If your depression is more of a long-term thing, try talking to a therapist or psychiatrist about anti-depression meds. They helped me in a way no person or lifestyle could. You want to be able to knock this guy out with your looks and confidence!
From what I’ve been reading, I doubt he’ll forget about you anytime soon. I certainly hope not, since my break-up was in September and I don’t want to think that she’s forgotten about me :p. Besides, if he’s too busy and stressed to talk to you, I doubt he has any chance of starting up an entirely new relationship.
If you’re willing to put in the effort, you should be able to have a long-distance relationship, unless he is super opposed to the idea. You will have to deal with long distance since it’s going to take some time before you can propose moving to where he is, so you might want to look up tips on how to handle the relationship. For instance, it’s important to only talk with him once every day or more so that you don’t try to integrate each other into your own lives when you really can’t. Texting more often that that should be fine, though, as long as you both talk to other people as well.
@tighem You are right. I feel like I’ve been needing to put a time frame on when I should talk to him, but I guess its more of a personal thing. I really do want to show him Im confident and strong. That’s great that you’ve been able to use NC to your advantage so well. It sounds like you are doing great! The depression has honestly just been from this whole situation with my ex, but I am trying to see a therapist just to get some help.
Thanks, after 5 years I really hope he still thinks about me, and is getting to the stage where he misses me! Im not sure how its ben going for him over there, but I think he is busy like you said.
I would definitely be willing to do long distance, its not permanent. He will be moving back in less than 2 years, but otherwise I would have considered moving with him. I know it would be difficult, but it could also be a new adventure at the same time. I still love traveling and if he would let me I would come see him.
Thank you again so much for your advice, you seem to really know what youre talking about. I hope things work out with your ex, goodluck to us both 