I want my ex-boyfriend back!
My ex is a great guy and quite old fashioned, as am I. We dated for six months. We are both 30-something Christians and virgins, which I know is very rare. I have engaged in oral sex with a different ex-boyfriend. I told my ex about this early on and he was surprised, but was able to accept this. We made out a lot and then moved on to dry humping, but that made him uncomfortable. I don’t get a gay vibe at all from him, but asked him if he’s ever been attracted to men in a non-threatening way, but he said no.
I was in a really stressful job and was not prioritizing our relationship. My former boss was really hard to work for. I was applying for jobs and going on interviews, and also prepared for and performed in a show. Also, my ex wanted to see Avengers: Endgame and thought it would be a good idea for me to watch the previous Marvel movies, which I did, but it took a really long time. He never said I had to watch them all, though. I just wanted to for context.
Due to all my work stress, I was not the best girlfriend. I told my ex about my work stress and he was supportive, but I didn’t properly communicate how stressful everything else was on top of that.
A month before we broke up, he told me his feelings for me changed and he said if things don’t change, as hard as it may be, it would be best to break up. He said we’re a good couple with great chemistry but I was crushed and thought that he was inevitably going to break up. He said it was because there was a change in our communication (I agree, due to my stress), and he said that after we would go on our fun dates, we would go back to my place and make out a lot and he thought we were focusing too much on the physical aspect of the relationship. He said he enjoyed it very much, but that the connection was lacking.
I told him to take some time to sort out his feelings for me. Two weeks later, I thought we had a great date. We talked about the future and sex. I asked him if he would be ok with oral sex in the future. He said he is not sure and I’d be completely ok with this, but I never told him that. I asked him how he would feel about letting me touch him. I didn’t mean right then and there, I meant in the future, but he put my hand on his crotch. I asked him if he was alright with it and he said he was sure, so we engaged in that, but we never removed any clothing. He later told me that he couldn’t stop thinking about it and that he was overwhelmed. I could understand due to his lack of experience.
Initially, when we started dating, everything was great. He wrote me a long love letter and his texts were detailed and romantic. We had such a great connection, discussed our love languages and the New York Times 36 questions to fall in love. We also were talking about marriage and kids. There was so much to talk about at first but on our last few dates, it was hard to find a topic of conversation. I reread our texts and there was friendship, warmth, humor, romance and support, except towards the end.
On our last date, I asked him if he had bought a ticket to my upcoming show, but he hadn’t. I really wanted his support, so I mentioned how one of my ex-boyfriends came to two performances of my musical even though he hated musicals and even brought me flowers. I realized that this was immature, but he had brought up that the dates he had with his exes were more exciting (he told me this when he said his feelings had changed for me.) We never had any fights or arguments. He was a gentleman. We are very similar in temperament and personality. However, I’m usually late and not a morning person, but I don’t think these should be deal breakers. I’m also working on my time-management skills.
Making him jealous will definitely not work with him. Furthermore, he doesn’t have any social media accounts, but he could check my Instagram if he wanted to because it’s public. Also, I don’t know how he’ll take it if I just randomly send him a text about something that reminded me of him.
Two days before we broke up, I wrote him an email saying that our relationship has so much potential, and that I was comfortable being physically intimate with him because I thought we shared a close bond. I said I was pleasantly surprised that he made the first move (when he put my hand on his crotch). I told him that for me, it felt really good because I felt very emotionally connected to him. He has not initiated contact since the breakup, nor have I and that was a couple of months ago. When he broke up, he said he gave the last six months a lot of thought and he doesn’t see a future with me and thinks we should break up. He told me he respects me and is sure I’ll find someone.
I want to ask if he wants to meet me and I’d like to read him a letter and pour my heart out. I have mentally prepared myself for if he doesn’t even want to be friends.
After we broke up, I got a new job and have more time on my hands. I’m not stressed and want to work at the relationship. I realize that even when I do have a stressful day, I mustn’t absorb anyone else’s negative energy. I’m working out and learned a lot about the relationship and myself. I want to focus on building an exciting connection again and I’m totally fine with taking things very slow physically.
Does anyone have any advice or tips? How do I convince him that I also want to take things slowly physically?
Thank you for reading.