Hi everyone, hope you guys can advice me regarding the situation i’m in right now which i still have a part in my heart i wish to save it.
I met this guy and be friends for 6 years and moving forward this year is our 6 years of serious relationship; known together for 12 years in total. I got blocked in facebook, calls and sms but not email and instagram (wasn’t sure he still likes to use it and maybe he didn’t bother blocking me in IG). The last arguement we had was over things like he said took his freedom and never encourage his hobby that he just newly discovered and also wanted to spend more time with his friends. All that said, deep down in me i was insecure of who he went out, as his characater is very friendly and sometimes becomes too flirty (in my eye), I never had the intention of stopping him but normally i will ask of his whereabouts only.
The next day before i managed to wake up, he texted me for a breakup and added that he doesn’t want this relationship anymore. He said that he has wasted 6 years with me and gave me too many chances to fix my own and added I am a selfish person.
Later, I was so miserable and went panic mode and started to call and tried to ask him out for talk and apologies. Of course its a no show and there won’t be any replies, and if he does, he will say he wants to move on and never want to continue this so that can focus on things he likes to do (at a point before all of these, we had an understanding of wanting to grow old together).
It is already a month since his request of breakup. I’ve applied NC for only 2 weeks since the last i emailed him begging to save this. Then I saw his sister’s facebook posted saying one of his close relatives has passed away and II have sent my condolences via email within NC period because I knew he is close to that person. I am afraid that he will hate me more from what I sent again so right now I am sort of giving him and myself that space and NC…
Do you guys think he will be completely move on if i need to apply longer NC? I am trying to improve on myself now to get my self esteem back but it is so hard because I will think of him everyday. Some of my friends even told me that he seems to be pretty ok with the breakup and having the time of his life as sometimes I still wonder if he ever thinks of me at times like this.
Hope i can get some useful guides. I really wish that I can save this relationship as I never had one that is so close to me from friends to lover.
Thanks for reading, guys.
Anyone kind enough to advice? I hope i can go through this better.
If y’all have been together for 6 years, he won’t forget about you after 30 days. My ex and I were only together for 4 months and she didn’t contact me until 5 weeks after the break up. He’ll still think about you, but you have to fully commit to the NC no matter how much you think about him or otherwise he won’t get the space he needs. And when they say No contact, make sure you don’t contact him at all. Hope this helped
Hey thanks for dropping by, appreciate it.
For some reasons, the same time my friends wanted to help me move on but also told me that he seems superbly happy and fine in his facebook posts. He seems to be enjoying so many things. At one point i just told my friends to stop seeding me those info so that i can focus on myself to heal and most importanly moving on even if it takes to just be an act momentarily.
I just can’t figure out why and what is he thinking that in our 6 years of relationship is just so easy for him to move on. He might have lost attraction, but its 6 years of memories… Oh dear… :(((
I know what this feels like. Too many fairytales, movies, TV shows etc present an unrealistic view of what a long term relationship is. My ex girlfriend and I were together for four years, and our relationship was healthy (as told by others, and as gauged by my, hopefully, objective self, quite some time after the breakup). However, she said she was bored and that I had taken her freedom (though, in reality, if she said she wanted to go out alone, I wouldn’t have even inquired as to where, or with whom), and that she needs some space to get her life sorted out.
We NC’ed for a while, and even now that we’re “friends” again, we don’t talk more than but once a month or so. On the other hand, we’ve spoken about having a relationship together in the future when the timing and location are permissive. SHE initiated this conversation, not me.
The point is: during NC, you almost want to be forgotten. You want the other person to go about their lives in whatever way they see for; so they can enjoy their freedom. Once they’re happier with themselves and their lives, you’ll pop back up in their mind.
In all reality, he’s NEVER going to forget a relationship he had for SIX years on any reasonable timescale. Those SIX years of memories will certainly hold emotional value, and I’m sure there are some memories he’s quite fond of. This is why NC works, it gives the person time to forget many of the negative aspects of your relationship, and recall the memories that they enjoyed the most.
Hey thanks for the advice roarimabear.
Currently it has been almost 3 months since the breakup. Kid’ you not, i am still thinking about him all the time. Same time i am trying to accept the fact that it is already over for us, it just pops in my mind wondering how happy he is now doing the things he like and my friends said he is living happily and doing his hobby so good it turns out to be a side business now.
I am trying so hard do heal by doing things i like, get close to more of my family and friends but i would just somehow became silent once a while and the thought would just race back and then i go depressed thinking again.
Then, i’ve actually tried to ask my friend to arrange a meetup between us but he wouldn’t agree to meet and said he is fat and happy now. Added he has a new person in life and told my friend to pass this info to me.
I’ve lost hope in getting him back. He seems to be further away as much as i wana meet him. There’s no getting better in my NC this 3 months.
Anyone here sees an opportunity between us, still?
Hi, Truelover. The possibility of getting back with your ex doesn’t look good today - I mean, today June 14th 2015. Since it’s been 3 months and he’s with someone new, it sounds like he is really trying to move on and that’s something you should try to respect for the moment, as painful as it is. He seems to want something different right now. It must have been so hurtful to read the things he wrote when he broke up with you; I truly sympathize.
But today is one day. We don’t know what the future brings. You were together for six years; there’s no way he can forget you. Until now, you’ve made it clear that you still love him and that you want him back so he knows it. NC sounds like the only thing you can do, and I totally agree with what @roarimabear said about the point of NC; let them work things out in their head, get into a new rhythm, and then - blam - you come back like an asteroid. NOBODY is immune to the ex coming back into their lives!
You can take this time to work on the things your ex said damaged the relationship. He said you were selfish and took his freedom - is this true? Ask some trusted friends what they think and try to work on that. You also say that your self esteem is taking a hit; try to work on that as well. If, in a few months, you still want him back and he still loves you, it will be very hard to resist you…
I don’t want to give you false hope, but keep in mind, too, that nothing is static. He might not want to talk to you TODAY and he might be with someone TODAY but things change. But if you want these things to change, it’s important that you be open to changing yourself.
@penelope can I be cheeky and ask if you would look at my most recent post.
It’s almost three months now struggling to get answers.