I realized too late what I had, now I want him back. Is it too late?

reconciliation
1

Hello,
Recently my boyfriend broke up with me, and I am having a hard time letting go, because I realize that I blew it…

We have been friends for 9 years, and we first dated when we were 18. The relationship didn’t work out, and it was tough, but I was able to get over it, because we were so young. Since then, for the past five years, we only spoke sporadically, and we did hook up a couple of times, but I never thought it was going to materialize into a relationship. I was done with him pretty much and I had moved on with another guy. He never got into a relationship after us.
Recently, I got back in contact with the guy in question due to a high school function.
we started hanging out during the summer, almost every day together. We have always had this weird connection and he quickly re-became my best friend.
One night, he asked me out, and I was really hesitant. I knew I liked him, but I was worried about going back with him, since the previous relationship I had with the other guy was mostly us going back and forth. That break up was tough and as much as I was over it, I wanted to be smart and not go in blindly on this one.
He was my best friend too, and I didn’t want to jeopardize the friendship. It was a lot to take in…

After a few days of thinking about it, I said yes. We spent a week apart and I missed him and realized there was a reason for us to get back together after 5 years.
We dated for 3 months, but I was kind of always hesitant. He was so amazing and so patient with me, but I was just so afraid and hesitant. He obviously didn’t like it, and started talking about a break.

During this really small break, I realized I really loved him, and that if I wanted to keep it going, I had to stop being so hesitant and actually go all in.
We got back, and it was great.
I was no longer hesitant and let go of my guards. I started focusing on myself and not being so self-conscious and just going with what I had felt all along. We both really loved each other, and he said he was extremely happy. I thought the initial ruffles had been dealt with.

Then after a few weeks, he started acting weird, and one day, he broke up with me.
He said he was turned off by my hesitation, and we both accepted that we both had issues to deal with separately. He said he had been thinking about for a week prior, but didn’t want to believe it.He said that period of me being uncertain really hurt him, and he wanted to be with someone that was sure too. I told him that I know I was hesitant at first, but I realized how much he meant and changed my outlook. He said it was too late and the damage was done.

The hardest part has been missing him. I used to just text him whenever to talk or call him up, even as friends.
He has been really nice throughout and we had a good conversation, but I am left with the feeling of wanting him back.
I mistakenly asked him if this was the end of our relationship and he said yes. When I asked him if it was the end forever, he just replied that “forever is a long time”…
Reading the blog, I realize that I have made some mistakes (the crying and the trying to stay in contact and the begging :confused: )
IS it too late? I’m afraid he will find someone else in the meantime that will not hesitate like I did.
I have been trying to self improve myself, and the last conversation we had resembled a bit of our old friendship (mostly laughing and joking around).I don’t know if thats a good sign, but it has helped me deal with the loss of a friend. He says he really doesn’t have any feelings for me that way, but that he still cares for me deeply. He told me I could still text him, and as long as I was good we could hangout… now I am not too sure about it.

I decided that I will do the no contact rule, but I am just confused… is this worth it. He says he is done with me, but that’s what we said a few years back. Also, I don’t want to wait 5 years for another shot. I don’t think I could wait that long…
I just miss him, and just want him back because I realize that he was the one for me and the guy I had been waiting for. We have been in each others lives and I realize only now that he’s the one for me.
anyways,
Thank you for the help. these threads really are inspiring and help me already.

2

You “dated” this guy for 3 months, but kind of always hesitant. Hesitant about what?? And how did you show it? Were you two just dating during the 3 months or at some point start an exclusive romantic mutually loving relationship?? If he deeply loved you, the rough beginning would not matter and he would now be ecstatic to know you love him. Therefore, the reason he gave “turned off by your (initial) hesitation” seems suspect. Is there some other reason? You both accepted there are other issues to deal with separately, so maybe those issues had an impact on the situation. Right now it sounds like he wants to be friends. And the comment; “if you’re good, you can hang out”, sounds like he doesn’t want you to bring up the subject of a relationship or the break up. You think he’s the one for you, but if he doesn’t feel the same way about you, there’s nothing you can say to change his mind. When a guy says it’s the end of the relationship and he’s done with you, believe him. I know you miss him and you’re afraid he will find someone else, but going no contact is the only way to give him space to think and hopefully miss you too. It’s not a hopeless situation, but going back to being just friends might satisfy him enough that he would not consider a relationship. Don’t beg anymore and don’t call or text him. Let him be the one to reach out to you. If he calls or texts, just make short polite replies. Let him miss you more than he ever has before…

3

I agree with Patricia12. You definately don’t want to go back to being just friends because he was comfortable there with you before and if you want him as more than a friend, don’t let him feel that comfort again. He needs to miss your relationship as well as your friendship. It’s easy to tell someone what to do and not to do, so I won’t tell you that. Whenever you have the urge to text or call, just look at the bigger picture. You’re doing this for another chance at a relationship with this person. Use that as your motivation for you to resist calling or texting him… I know it’s hard and your heart hurts when all you want to do is pour yourself out to the other person in hopes they just give you another chance. It’ll only hurt you more becasue they will never want to talked into doing something. They want to be the ones that pursue and go after it on their terms. It’s a man ego/pride thing… I feel for you and I hope you get your friendship/relationship back with him :slight_smile:

4

Thank you so much for the replies.
We had a loving romantical exclusive relationship. And I was hesitant because my previous boyfriend was kind of an ass and I just wanted to go slow.

I agree with both comments. I need to focus on myself and let him realize for himself that he misses me.

I am just so impatient I guess. I dont want to wait that long. And yes I know the No contact period is supposed to give me some space as well, but I just cant help it. …

I realize I also maybe (?) should prepare for the worst, is that he is just not that into me anymore… :frowning:

Thanks again for the comments, i feel a bit more reassured that something positive will come out of it.

5

Sorry for the late reply. I know how hard and how discouraging everything can be and feel when you have a breakup… I don’t think anyone can actually triply prepare for the worst. This is something I’ve been asking myself too and I honestly really don’t know how I would deal with it. You can only take one day at a time… Waiting is the hard part in all of this because you don’t know what they’re thinking and you’re missing them but not knowing if they’re missing you. I understand how you feel… Just give it some time and see what happens. If you both loved each other, he will miss you too. It’s unavoidable.