Long story short I broke up with my ex 1 month ago. but we stopped living together just a week ago , so the getting over part has been tough for me. My ex has asked me to help her in the new apartment with few things once and I agreed to visit her, Casually there she mentioned should we have sex some day, and I answered well I guess we could someday.
How should I go forward with these things? Should I try to continue the no contact ( We had no contact for 7 days (before i went to help her), thats all) Or should I just avoid having sex with her or talking at all, because if she offers herself it feels wierd for me to refuse because I dont want to give her the wrong image of the situation . Also I know she’s been fucking other people already. Sorry if this post is messy, Its a perfect image of what I am at the moment. One human mess.
@ipredator - How long were you in an exclusive relationship and how long did you live together? Are you the one who broke up with her, or is she the one who broke up with you… and why? She’s already having sex with other guys? Are you sure? If you want another chance, don’t have sex with her. You would need to have a calm discussion about what went wrong in the relationship and talk about ways to fix it together. Then slowly start dating again and develop romantic feelings for each other before you have sex again. That way it would be have more meaning…
Continue no contact and focus on yourself.
We were together for about 4 years. out of that we lived together for 2 years and as said in the opening post we lived together for 1 month after the breakup and we had sex pretty often. Basically she broke up with me, I found out she cheated me but I was willing to forgive it and try to get things to work, she refused. I know she is having sex with other guys now, I am sure about that, not a guess its just 100% truth. During the Time we loved together I managed to briefly start feeling really good again and I became the guy who she once fell in love (her words) but ofcourse it didnt change anything, When she moved out last week I left the country for a week to have fun with my friend to get my mind out of the subject, After that I Visited her once at her new apartment: she asked for tools and I provided them, Helped her change the lamps and stuff like that. During this visit she mentione the sex. Now I have texted with her few times, But now I decided to try to avoid communication for atleast 30 days or keep it as minimun as it can be. During this short period of no contact I’ve already had I’ve managed to feel good about myself few times and I actually like the fact that now I have good time to become the Man I used to be also Physicall and emotionally
@ipredator
Did she leave you because she wanted to have sex with other guys? It was nice of you to help her out with some things at her new apartment, but don’t let her take advantage of you. Glad you’re doing no contact as it will give you time to think about whether or not you really want to get back together with her. Glad you’re feeling better about yourself and making the changes you want to make.
Good luck.
@patricia12 I dont know, It might have been part of the reason, but I think it primarily is that we lost connection and affection because we didn’t do a lot together for the last few months ( didnt have time).
Today she sent me an message that her Cars windshield wipers broke ( happened earlier And I fixed it earlier during our relationship) Should I help her with that or pretend to be busy ?
And what could be good words to use to tell her about the no contact without sounding needy or desperate because she seems to send me atleast an message or two every few days .
I’ve been thinking about using : Sorry, but I dont feel myself comfortable to be your friend just yet, I just want to have some me/own time , I hope you understand.
Should i add something about contacting her in the future to the end or would that be good?
@ipredator - Your words about no contact sound fine. You don’t have to say anything about contacting her in the future because your words “…just yet” imply it. Then let her know she could try asking a friend, neighbor, or go over to an auto repair shop to get the windshield wiper fixed.
I handled the situation, she thought it was a bit wierd as just a week earlier I wanted to go climbing with her but after telling her I still want to climb but not now, maybe in the future she understood it. After that she has sent me 4 messages. And I sent 1 Reply to the second one of them as it was necessary ( Involved information about selling some of our “leftover” furniture) Now she’s asking If im going to stay at this city for the weekend (Our parents live 110-130km from here and we tend to visit them often so pretty common question) but still it makes me hurt because it brings the old feelings and memories to my head when she shows interest in my life. How should I answer to her? Not to be to rude or too polite.
and if it matters, she asked me (rough translation) : Im not quite sure if im allowed to ask this but are you going to be here (the city) for the weekend?
@ipredator - If you want to visit your parents this weekend, do so. But don’t visit hers… You really don’t have to answer, but if you do, just say something like; “Yes, it will be good to see my parents again”. And don’t let her talk you into driving there together. Or if you’re not planning on visiting them, maybe say something like; “No, I have other things I need to do this weekend”. You might also include, “Please don’t contact me for a while. I need some time to sort things out in my mind”. Of course she’s interested in your life because you were together for so long and she’s accustomed to talking frequently. It’s a habit you need to break, at least for a while. And remember no sex! Don’t give her all the benefits of being a boyfriend, but without the commitment of being in a relationship. Otherwise, it would be a FWB situation and it will make you feel worse.
I told her that I have other things to do (which isnt a lie) and told that I will contact her when I’m ready to talk with her because I need some time for myself to handle the breakup as I couldn’t do it properly when she was still living here.
For future I must already ask: If she keeps on asking me a question or two every day or two or so Should I answer her but just really neutrally or just tell her not to contact me? Because there will probably be more messages coming about the furniture I am selling (which we both agreed neither one of us uses anymore and we’ll split the money) and stuff like that
@ipredator - I don’t understand why she would be sending messages about the furniture in your house, if you’re the one trying to sell it? I can see how this might drag out, but it shouldn’t really take that long and you could send her share of the money in the mail instead of giving it to her in person.
Anyway, next time she contacts you, if it’s only about the furniture, a polite reply would be good. But if it’s about anything else, tell her you don’t want her to contact you for a month.
The reason she could send me messages about the furniture is the fact that I have to slightly fix one them because of her(that creates possibility for her to ask about it).
and a bit offtopic, Is it normal that you only get 3 e-mails from this site?
I bought the guide and Have done the AHW system but the other e-mails sent by "kevin thompson " stopped entirely 3 days ago last one i got was with an title :How to Get Over That Sinking Feeling?
@ipredator
Sorry, I don’t know anything about the guide, system, or emails. I never bought the guide. Good luck with no contact or probably limited contact in your case.
Today. When I woke up I felt I understood completely the situation. I understood that if I would have been in the same position as my Ex I would have left a long time ago. I wasnt the same man he fell in love with for the last year we lived together. I wasn’t giving her the appreciation she deserved. Althought Not all of the reason Can’t be in me but I honestly believe most of it was. It was her decision to go on and find a new man during our breakup but its also easier for women to find someone “new” immediately so they dont have to endure feeling abandoned. I can think about it clearly without emotions handling the thoughts.
in total it now has been around 2 weeks of no contact and 1,5-2 months from the breakup moment.
I honestly feel I should start building our relationship as friends already in the next week because so much time has already gone trough.
and to continue= I’ve thought things trough. I dont want her back for the sex. Or for the sake of not being alone. I want her back because I like her, I like what she is and how she behaves
and no not 2 weeks of no contact 2 weeks of really limited contact.
@ipredator - Not all women try to find a new man immediately for sex. She might have feelings of abandonment if you were withholding appreciation and affection. I’m glad you have more insight into the problem and hopefully you two will be able to work things out. But be sure to have a serious talk about how to make each other happy. Yes, try to start building your relationship back up again as friends whenever you feel ready. Hopefully she will want to do this too:)
Good luck.
I started it yesterday. Yesterday we went for an coffee and decided to go bowling after it, we were having fun and she was laughing almost the whole time, Today I went to her place to help her decorate and assemble stuff and she was totally different. A lot more reserved in a way, and a lot colder. Is this normal? Is she just trying to figure out what she should feel? 
@ipredator - Glad you had a good time together when you had coffee and went bowling. Today maybe when you were helping her at her apartment, it reminded her of when you were living together and how sad she was towards the end. Anyway, maybe you should take her out to have fun instead of going to her apartment or yours. Have fun dating like when you first met to attract her feelings again. Don’t ask her how she’s feeling as this will put too much pressure on her and it’s too soon after the breakup. Just be a great date and start out again slowly.
Sounds good so far:) Good luck…