My boyfriend broke up unexpectedly with me a few days ago. I was caught by surprise. He said that he made that choice because he thinks we don’t like each other enough to have a good relationship. He told me too I’m too cold, that I don’t express my feelings when I should and I don’t appreciate what he does for me. The thing is he was right…
But that was just because he is the first guy I really love and who I identify with and I was afraid we would take me things too fast or break my heart if I gave him everything of me and we end up apart. I wanted him to think that I wasn’t guaranteed but what happened was that I gave him for granted, instead. He was so amazing with me the whole time, even when we broke up. I know he still loves me but he felt he had to end up our relationship because of my personality.
I told him that I was sorry, I explained my side and told him I was willing to change (be more affective, appreciate what he does for me and make him happy, as he deserves). He said he wanted to end up anyway and he didn’t want me to change for him. I told him I was going to change but not just because of him, but because that part of my personality isn’t good for any relationship that I have in my life (with my family and friends).
Then I got upset with him because he didn’t want to try to make things work. If he loved me, he would want to try, right? He wouldn’t leave me just like that. I told him that we was never going to find someone who would give him everything that I could have. He agreed and said that I was going to find someone who was better with me…
Now I’m afraid he doesn’t want me back because I didn’t treat him the right way… Should I do the 30 days rule? Or will he think he made the right decision by breaking up because I didn’t even tried to get back with me? This guy is amazing! He made me really happy this whole time.
Okay okay don’t get hyped up too much. Now in your mind is uncertainty of his return after nc. Your absense in his life is a pretty huge hole to fill. Now he is saying these because he has bad feelings for you now. Nc will heal those wounds. Don’t be afraid to take the first step. But during nc take care of yourself. Exercise. Learn a new hobby. Make life for yourself fun. If you do nc but nothing really changed he will see that. “What changed?” Don’t show up miserable after 30days okay If you have more questions just reply here again.
He’s too racional just like me. So I am afraid he won’t take me back, even if he wants to, just because he thinks it’s the right thing to do…
I’m ok and I’ve been distracted from this by other things, but everything reminds me of him! I think he has no idea of that. I forgot to say that he apologized for not having done more to make me the most happy girl in the world. After we broke up, a week later, (we meet up each other to clarify everything) I asked him if he misses me and he told me so but that over time it would pass. What’s in his mind? Everything crossed my mind. Is he trying to see if I go after him? Is he tired of making sacrifices for me and getting no return?
I’m always happy except when I’m alone. I dream everyday with him, it’s so weird… And in 30 days +/- we will see each other almost everyday due to college and work!! I don’t know how I’m going to approach him after the NC.
Okay so about approaching him. As of now you are a the person he broke up with. After the nc your will reintroduce to him a different you. So that wouldn’t be too much of a problem. Now about what he is thinking. Don’t ask unnecessary questions to him as it would only disehearten you. As you have said he is trying to be rational. That is actually a good thing. If he sees you as a food thing in his life you will become an obvious choice.
But the point of it all is don’t just try to change. Change yourself. Improvement is always a good thing. He maybe saying stuff about you right now but if you become his obvious choice no matter how much rational thinking he uses a good choice is a good choice. If you can’t change. Fake it till you make it. Always worked for me.
But I don’t know how to act if some things happen. First, what if I see him? Should I greet him? If he try to talk to me during the NC, should I really ignore him? And what if we got drunk and he tries to talk to me or even kiss me? Worst, what if I did that?
Act cool about it. if during NC greeting is a bad thing. ignore. If drunk then say you need to go home you are drunk. I you are the one drunk my advice? Avoid alcohol. remember you only become dizzy with alcohol. problems dont fade away.
During the NC, should I act like I don’t care (that I already move on) or that I want to be a friend? And after the NC? Should I try to be just a friend or show him that I’m still into him?
During nc. Neutral. After nc friend. But not too available. You act friendly. Make him enjoy your company. But make him miss it too sometimes. He invites you you for something you don’t come for absolutely no reason at all. Why? You are just friends with him. He wants you to come he has to commit with you.
If you have more questions just reply here again.