I’m afraid it’s done for good!

no-contact-rule
1

Me and my ex have been broken up for almost 5 months. We had been together for a little over 4 years, we have kept in contact but soon after the breakup he started dating someone else. In these months that we had been broken up we had been in contact every single day even when he was with her. He now tells me that he stopped dating her and that they are just friends. She wanted to put up a relationship status after only a month of them dating and asked him if they could make it official, which he declined. He told me that she was a cushion for the breakup, he has tried to come back and maybe see how things are and if we could maybe work things out but every time we get together we argue and mostly because of what he did after the breakup. I can’t let that go I’m just so angry at him for moving on so fast. He has told me that the only thing she gives him is positive attention and that’s what he likes about her, he says it’s what I lack and what pushed him to break up with me. I agree on that cause I never gave him attention and I was neglecting him towards the end nothing ever positive came out of my mouth anymore I was just too worried about everything else not thinking it was hurting our relationship. He said just last week that he misses what we had but he dosent know how to fix the relationship and neither do I. Last time I talked to him we argued and he was so fed up he said that this was over for good. We have had the biggest argument after the breakup I have said things, very bad things that would make any person block u but he says he can’t for some reason. I really want to be with him but I’m just so angry at him for being so quick to replace me. How can I move past the anger? I’ve started the no contact this is only day 2 and I want to work on being able to forgive and work on being happy cause we were very much in love and we were best friends. I want to better myself and not hold grudges cause I know I’m not only ruining my chances of getting back together with him but also making myself miserable. At this point I’m hurting myself and I want to fix me before I fix us.

If there’s anything more that needs to be added please tell me cause I haven’t talked to anyone about this and I need help.

2

You should read the article about rebound relationships on this site. It’s completely normal for him to go in a rebound so quickly. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and only you. Actually the fact he denied the girl making it official and posting the relationship on social media proves he might have only done it to get away from the sadness of being alone and broken up.

Can you explain why you stopped giving him attention at all?

In the meantime yes do NC.

3

Arguments can kill relationships! I think you need outside help like perhaps a therapist or maybe the pastor of your church might help by advising you. Then after you’ve made improvements, your ex might be willing to attend some counseling sessions with you so you two can learn how to properly interact with each other and gain the skills necessary to resolve issues in a normal fashion with hurting each other.

4

I’m glad you are realizing the problem isn’t really him but you. Sounds harsh I know but at the end it comes to your anger that is hold you back from him. “I can’t let go of what he did” so if you can’t let go of what he didn’t why don’t you just let go of him. We all make mistakes…all of us but the mistakes in our lives truly don’t define us. What defines us is how we grow from those mistakes. I would suggest going NC and start working on yourself. Truly working on yourself and the issues you are dealing with…we all have issues. Become the best version of yourself, push yourself to be the best. Fall in love with yourself because at the end the most important relationship is the relationship you have with yourself. You have admitted that you didn’t give him attention, that you were angry that he went with someone else so quickly…but if you want him back you need to do the work to fix yourself first. During this time of reflection, you might actually come to see that he isn’t the person for you or he truly is…right now you are speaking with the voice of anxiety that only enhances desire. It’s time to speak with the voice of Stability that will give clarity.