My ex 25F and me 26M broke up about 5 weeks ago. We were together for 2.5 years of which 1 year of living together. This last year we kept bumping into troubles and had a lot of talks why it didnn’t work and we kept trying.
I was (looking back now) not in a good place regarding work and had a lot of stress which I brought home. I became very irritable and could snap quick, even though I didn’t want to.
She had a very though year with work aswell so both of us were mostly stressed and tired.
We also didnt have much time for eachother due to both having sports practice from monday till thursday. I had matches on fridays and she had them on saturdays. Our only day was Sunday and then we were exhausted from work, and barely did anything together. So it kept feeling like we were friends living together, which we didn’t want.
She had traumas from her past which made her push down her feelings and she had difficulties saying what she felt and needed.
Me snapping obviously only made it worse and I keep thinking that she will never be able to forget me.
We went on a 4 week trip to asia where i kept being irritable and snapping and had about 3 talks asking ourselves if we were making eachother happy.
When we came back I wanted to take it slow, let us land back in the ‘normal’ world and start this conversation some time later. Sunday we came back and wednesday she asked if we could talk about it while I was cooking, I knew we were gonna talk about it anyway in bed if we didn’t alk about it right now so we did. We broke up there, did think about it another night and broke up on thursday and told our families. From thursday till sunday we packed my stuff and fixed everything together, while remembering things we did, looking at pictures and both of us not wanting to break up.
She asked what if we don’t break up, while I didn’t want to I felt like if we kept going like this I would regret it and maybe hold a grudge because we continued this way.
On sunday afternoon we kisse dgoodbye hugged and cried. I felt numb, couldn’t process what happened and also decided that I couldn’t go to work anymore, she helped me trough work and without her I was a wreck.
In the night I texted her asking if we could talk in 4 weeks because it felt like it happend so fast. She agreed and wanted nothing more.
On and of we would sent eachother a message and said love you to eachother. In the 2nd week we got an email to change the name on our house to hers and she texted me if I could sign it. I did, and she tried to ask me how I was doing. At the time it felt better to wait the for the 4 weeks to be over and talk then so I told her.
In the 3rd week I started to regret my decision and she was kindoff cold.
When I texted her after 3 weeks to talk she told me she wanted to only trough text or by calling which hurt me. She said she realised she needed time and space to work on herself and felt that if she had to say goodbye again she couldn’t handle it. She did say she wasn’t trying to hurt me but felt like she needed to protect herself and that she still hopes for a better future and doesnt want to force it. She also told me she still holds me in a special place in her heart. With respect to her wishes we called on Friday, almost 4 weeks after we broke up.
She told me she got confronted with her trauma during the 3rd week and realised she really needed to work on this. On thursday (the day before our call) she met a therapist and he told her she was walking on her toes in our relationship and that she needs 2 very heavy therapies. She said the fact she wasn’t crying was because there was someone on her shoulder telling her not to and that if we didn’t break up she probably wouldn’t have gone to therapy.
This obviously hurt me as I felt we would reconcile after the 4th week and build up slowly.
She also said she didnt want to set a specific date to talk again as she felt this would pressure her and she didnt want to feel like our relationship has to work whatever the cost, but said she’d rather meet eachother at a party in half a year or so and see how we felt then. She said the door isnt closed but is slightly opened but doesnt want to force things.
She also said she wanted to maybe text, but i told her wouldn‘t this pressure you even more? I would love to text you but i told her this might not be a good idea if she needed the space.
I told her there was a big possibility we would se eachother at sports matches we used to go to togehter and how we’d do it. Just say Hi and go on our way.
Then she asked, will you be there tomorrow very happy and energetic, which confused the hell out of me. She said ah yeah I will be there tih my team so it probably isnt very convenient.
Relunctantly i agreed for the space because there was no reason for me to push her or say things about it. I needed to respect her boundaries. I did say It hurt me a lot and I hoped we could have a future together sometime. We said our goodbyes and after the call I realised i forgot to say something so called back real quick. Told her I was sorry i wasn’t myself for a while that I regret saying some things and also regret not saying other things enough, like i love her, i think you are pretty etc.
We weren’t happy at the time and I apparently needed the breakup to realise I am not doing great either but I just can’t bear the thought of living without her. My life feels useless without her and I don’t want to close myself off from her.
My therapist told me she thinks her therapy will take about 9 months and that I have to respect her boundary and not text her during this. I just feel I realised everything to late and I will never get her back.
What can I do, how do I accept the fact its over if I don’t want any other love but hers?