My ex-girlfriend broke up with me late on Valentine’s Day 
after a bit over a year together. After reflecting for 3 days, I’ve concluded that the relationship didn’t work out because 1. I wasn’t showing her enough love and affection and instead started to take her for granted; 2. She was bored because I wouldn’t put in the effort unless I was in person, and even then it sometimes didn’t seem genuine; 3. We’re living apart in China right now, and normally I would go to her house every weekend and spend time with her there, but due to the coronavirus, we’ve both been locked at home which means we’ve practically been doing long-distance for the last month; 4. I was probably spending TOO much time with her in the past, and we moved too quickly. The day of Valentine’s Day, she was sick the whole day and stayed asleep till 7pm, and I didn’t do anything for the occasion. I got her a gift that hasn’t even arrived on time because of the virus, but I didn’t even bother making a Facebook post for her, which was the LEAST I could do. Yet I didn’t, and I made up excuses but now I know there was no use. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and she told me Valentine’s Day was a day meant for us to celebrate our love and rekindle the passion. At this point, I decided to be stubborn and not communicate properly (i.e. excuses like “coronavirus is keeping us apart,” “i was waiting for you to wake up”, etc.), and she ultimately decided to end it. She had given me a couple chances before that earlier in our relationship, and I promised I’d change, but after hearing her say she’d stay with me, I guess that sense of urgency went away and I didn’t. She told me she should have broken up with me 4 months ago (but then she later said the last 4 months have been fun and she doesn’t regret it). Yeah, I’m a bonehead.
Since the break-up, I haven’t contacted her, and she hasn’t contacted me. I’ve been missing her a lot these days, and the break-up was like a massive roundhouse kick in the face and a real wake-up call and catalyst for intense reflection, both on myself, on her, and on the dynamic of the relationship. My time with her was amazing. We had initially started out as best friends (100% platonic) after she opened up to me about feeling lonely and abandoned; she was my “wing-woman” and I was her “wingman”, but after a few months, we started to really enjoy each other’s presence and eventually fell for each other. There was also an intense emotional connection, because I helped her through her phase of extreme depression and helped her graduate when she was on the verge of failing some of her courses, and I also played a role in helping her mend her toxic relationship with her mother. She had helped get me through my low points as well. The sex was amazing for both of us, and we did it often. We fought once in a while, but we’d resolve things quickly every time. We had one big fight that stemmed from one of my past relationships butting back into my life, but we both got over it after about 1.5 weeks after talking through it.
We had been planning a trip to Japan together and with another friend since April of last year. Although we haven’t booked anything yet, we were all looking forward to the trip, and she told me “I’m still happy to go to Japan with you as long as you’re okay with it.” The trip’s in early June (1 week with a friend, 1 week just the two of us) and after that, we’ll be going to California together for a week before we spend another 2 months or so apart, and we’ll both be moving to the same area in NYC after that.
Right after breaking up, she told me “I’m happy to stay friends with you because you’ve been such an amazing part of my life and there’s no way I could ever resent you or dislike you, especially after all you’ve done for me. But if you don’t believe that exes can ever be friends, I’ll respect that, too.” I’ve started NC, and I’m not sure if this will give off the impression that I want nothing to do with her, but that’s another question (if someone could give me clarity on that, I’d appreciate it!). In the last 3 days, I’ve committed to going to the gym, eating healthier, and changing up my wardrobe (I had always been planning on it, anyway; she’s also a fashion designer, and my poor taste in clothes was always a pet peeve of hers and others lol). It hurts not to be able to talk to her, especially since she was like my safe haven and the person I could go to for ANYTHING. Although it’s been harder to sleep and eat and get up in the mornings, I’d say I’m doing how I expected.
How do I maintain NC but also tell her that I would still like to go on that trip all our friends were looking forward to (we share the same group of friends, but only 1 is accompanying us on the trip)? Should I still go on the part of the trip where it’s only the two of us? There’s still 4 months to the trip, but of course I’d need to contact her much before that in order to book tickets and hotels and whatnot. Assuming I will have made positive changes to my life and made myself a happier, more attractive person, would the trip be advantageous in re-attracting her? Or should I attempt to build up most of the re-attraction before the trip (my concern is it’ll be like rebuilding a long distance relationship, since I don’t know when this coronavirus debacle will be over)? I’ll have ~2 weeks with her in Japan, 2 more in China, and 1 more in California. Sorry for such a long post, but I really appreciate all of your help!
