Regarding love and life, there are choices we all make as to what is best based on pros and cons. If the relationship was good based on love, trust, and compatibility; but there are solvable solutions as to why the relationship ended; then it might be worth the effort to try again once the obstacles are removed or a compromise is mutually agreed upon. Each case is unique and YOU have to make the choice as to what you think is best for YOU, taking into consideration what is best for her too.
If a relationship includes abuse (emotional or physical) then it’s best not to try reconciliation. Deal breakers for some people might include alcohol or substance (drug) problems. Every person has to decide what they want and desire and what they won’t put up with…
Thank you.
I now have the job I applied for. My finances are in a better state due to some good fortune and proactive action on my part. I might even be able to start driving lessons, which I’ve been meaning to do for ages.
I’ve written the letter. I haven’t sent it yet. I know it’s my decision but I’ve become so confused by people saying to wait longer and give her more time and allow the changes to settle.
Others are saying send now before she assumes I’m moving on and probably living my life as before. I really don’t know
Aside from thanking her for the birthday stuff 2 weeks ago, it will be a month of no contact this weekend, and 7 weeks since the breakup.
I hope the job is a full time steady one which you intend on keeping! I suggest you send the letter this weekend as it will give her something to think about even if she doesn’t reply. Also start the driving lessons as soon as you can. These things will show her that you’re becoming a mature independent person whom she can respect. Good luck…
Well, shit. I sent the letter. Got this reply just now.
“Hi D____, thanks for the letter. Just confirming receipt, as requested. Congratulations on getting the job too, it’s a great start to getting your life back on track. Perhaps you’ll meet someone new through work. Good luck.”
So that’s the end of that, I guess. I’m gutted. 
“…she decided she couldn’t wait any longer for me to make changes in my life to live with her.”
She congratulated you on the new job then said, “it’s a great start to getting your life back on track.”
This was a kind reply and now she knows you’re making some changes. Even though she replied already, she can still think about the positive improvements you’ve made. And yet, she wanted you to live with her, but instead you chose to continue living with your friend. I would imagine she felt as though you didn’t love her enough because you chose your friends feelings and circumstances instead of taking the steps to move in with someone you professed to love.
Her saying perhaps you’ll meet someone new through work was either her way of saying it’s over and she hopes you’ll meet someone else OR a comment of sadness thinking back on what you were not willing to do for her when you had the chance.
Maybe in a couple of weeks you could write to let her know you still love her and ask if she’s willing to consider reconciling. If she’s agreeable, you two need to meetup to have a talk about what must be done in order to continue the relationship with renewed vigor. In the meantime, work on getting your driver’s license and a vehicle.
Do not write her a letter to tell her you still love her. Continue working on yourself and focus on your job. Initiate no contact. Let her come to you. As time goes on, she is going to start to wonder what is going on with you and sees that you are making positive changes. She is going to feel intrigued to learn more. You reaching out to her is only going to make you look needy and unwilling to move on. That is not attractive. Give her the message that yo don’t need her and that will show confidence that is much more attractive.
And that response to you was actually a good sign. It means she at least likes you and cares about you. She was under no obligation to respond even if you requested it. It may even had been an attempt to feel you out and see if you are still on her hook. Maybe she hopes you would reply with “I am not interested in meeting someone else”. You absolutely should NOT give her that impression. Just say “Thank you” or nothing.
Thanks for your reply. I think you’re right.
However, I think I need to leave some time for her and for me to reflect on this now. I need to concentrate on sorting myself out some more, as you say. I really don’t think a couple of weeks is going to change her mind (and if it does, maybe she’ll be the one to reach out). Hopefully she’ll keep the letter and reread it and think some more about it. She knows I’m capable of change now. She knows I would be willing to move out for her. Maybe she needs more time to miss me and realise that I’ve done a lot, most likely in comparison to her anyway. She might start to feel left behind.
I feel like I should leave it for a month or two and see what my life is like then.
Leave it for a month but no longer as she will think you’re not willing to fight for the relationship after you’ve made positive changes. It will remind her of the time she was waiting for your decision to move in with her.