So all of this is about going NC, then establishing a false friendship in order to get them back… But what do we do if we’re still feeling so much resentment for how they treated us? Just pretend it’s not there? Is that even healthy ?
My ex treated me horribly before, during and after the break up. I wish I had been more angry with him, but because of a fear of loosing him (or fear of not reconciling later) I kept a lot inside. The break up was in September and we have had little contact. I’m now 14 days into NC, as i contacted him around New Years three times. Haven’t heard from him since.
I have SOOO much anger and resentment for how he hurt me. I wouldn’t be able to build a new relationship with him when I’m so upset with him! But also I’m not supposed to talk about the relationship with him and just act cool. I’m thinking of sending an email where I say it all and get everything out of my system, and go into NC for a long time after that.
What do you all think? I can’t just pretend this resentment isn’t here! Also he will think I’m a doormat and that I have no spine for the fact that I’m not more angry with him (he really was an ass and he knows it)! I don’t want him to think it’s OKAY that he treated me the way he did and I don’t want him to get away with it by thinking I’m okay and didn’t take too much damage from it when it wrecked me.
Sorry for the rant but I would love to hear ideas from this, or if anyone else can relate.
I completely understand what you mean. My girlfriend did the unforgivable. She broke up with me literally the day we had finally ended long distance (26th Dec 2014). I was completely unaware that she been having doubts about us and our compatibility, but yet she never spoke to me about it. She broke my heart when she eventually told me everything. I was just so excited to finally be over with long distance and finally be together every single day. I thought I would be marrying this girl. Our relationship was great in my eyes. Of course the occasional hiccup here and there. Long distance was hard and frustrating. Was the only time we argued the most. When we were apart.
Anyway, if this guy has treated you so badly why would you wanna get back with him?! Thats the question you should be asking yourself.
If I was you I would write a letter, but perhaps not give or send it to him. Spill out all your anger and then burn it. That might make you feel better. However if you are not interested in getting back with him, and then by all means call him up and give him the ear full. No one deserves to be treated badly, especially when you are the one getting dumped. You have more of a right to get angry and pissed off, especially if they have messed you around. Its not fair and kind of them to do so.
Me too, 15 days NC but still fuming on how’s he’s treated me. 8 years together and now it’s like he’s dropped off the face of the earth! Last contact was a few days ago where he told me he was disconnecting Sky which he pays for me. No asking me if I was OK!
I have a long email in my drafts waiting to send to him on day 30 NC. I keep adding and editing it and shall do as helps me with NC.
As times goes on and the more he doesn’t contact me the more I get resentful because as I said he’s totally turned his back 100%. By day 30 how will I be!!? Even more crazed?
It’s okay to have resentment, and playing it cool is only until the attraction sticks. Then comes the mending of broken hearts. And it’s not necessarily about the resentment, but how one handles the resentment. Are you planning to rage at him? Or communicate your hurt and anger in a positive way? It is highly suggested that a third party help a couple sort through the “baggage” when trying to reconcile. I plan to have a therapist on standby for me and my ex if it gets that far. I have some resentment too. Which is why we couldn’t get back together when my ex first tried to seriously reconcile with me. Her feelings lasted four days and then I cried a lot and raged. Now, she pretty much thinks there’s no chance as bf and gf.
I will still have some feelings of anger and heartbreak after we get back together, but I am more prepared to handle it all in a constructive way.
So that’s my advice. It’s okay to be resentful, but there’s a proper way to handle it. Especially if you love that person.
I am currently working on forgiveness. I have forgiven her for a lot already, but I know some of my resentment is that she is still wanting to date others instead of working on our almost 9yr relationship.
My ex was extremely mean to me during and after the breakup for about a month. The difference between my situation and your situation is that my ex has since apologized sincerely for her behavior. There’s some things still, however, that really piss me off when I think about them. In the end, she left. I can let the details bother me for a long time to come… or just realize she is a mess and accept her apology. And the long break I am giving her will hopefully make her more receptive to how I feel about everything…and it will lead to more understanding and better communication between us. At this point, I don’t feel like I’d get anywhere if I asked her to explain where she was coming from. Her head almost exploded asking her to date me. lol!