My ex and I broke up around New Year’s after a fight. I went into panic mode and started calling and texting him frequently. He did not respond at all. After a couple of weeks I decided to go no contact for 30 days. I completed the 30 days and texted him, just asked how he was doing. We had a short conversation and all of his responses were neutral. Since then we’ve had a few more conversations - which were longer and friendlier. I had suggested meeting up on Monday and of course he was busy. We’ve talked again since and it was a good conversation, but I did not suggest meeting because I didn’t want to come off too needy or to rush things.
What do you guys think? How long a period of time should you wait before you suggest meeting up? Or should I wait for him to suggest it? I am glad I am making progress, but it is still frustrating nonetheless that more hasn’t happened by now.
I think you made a really smart move not pushing the idea of meeting up in person. To avoid moving too fast, I would suggest only inviting him to meet up if you would invite any of your other friends, like if you were going to a party, or seeing a movie with friends. Of course, if he asks to meet up, that’s even better; just make sure you’re not more than friendly, and if there’s a conflict in your schedule, tell him that so he has to reschedule, and you don’t seem desperate. It sounds like you’re making great progress! If you’re feeling impatient, just take a look at my thread lol. That will make you not want to take any risks
Just out of interest, what kind of meeting did you suggest when you asked to meet? Was it doing something you’d previously enjoyed as a couple, or was it just something more casual? Not sure if either of these are better / worse than the ever (I’ve not got this far yet), but I guess you want the meeting to seem light, fun and casual rather than him thinking that it’s going to turn into a heavy relationship conversation and a rehash of some of the previous issues. I guess something time-limited; maybe 30 minutes for a lunchtime coffee meet is more casual than an open-ended evening drink.
In my opinion (as little as it’s worth, having only just started NC), it is vitally important to get the communication rhythm right as well, i.e. alternate who initiates the communication - don’t send two texts in a row without having one from him in between.
The ideal would be for him to suggest the meet-up - ultimately if he was the one to initiate the ending, it’s trying to somehow get him to think that it’s his idea to meet up. I haven’t got any great suggestions as to how to do this - maybe some references in passing to enjoyable times that you’d shared previously may help. Hopefully someone else other than me may be able to give advice on what has worked.
Thanks for the responses. Last Saturday I texted him and learned he was working out of town. I asked if he wanted to meet up for lunch on Monday. Initially he said he’d see what time he got in from working out of town on Sunday night. If it wasn’t too late, he’d meet up. When Monday came around he said he was exhausted, got in late and was working in the evening. I didn’t push to re-schedule, just said that was fine and we’d do it another time. So yes I suggested something rather casual. I think for now I am going to wait and hope maybe he brings it up. Just wondering how long I should wait before I bring it up again?? This is all very confusing.
Don’t put a time limit on it. If you are the only one suggesting that the two of you do anything you will seem desperate and needy. Just keep talking to him and get him to invite you to something or try to guess when he’ll really want to do something with you.
I want to say 1ST Congrats that you completed 30 DAYS !!! And CONGRATS THAT YOU and your BOO are talking again. Its cool that he is giving you details of his life that he got in late working in the evening and his feelings exhausted. That’s a detail he didn’t have to say if you two were just casual. He knows when he has time available for you. Is this one of the issues you two had before the split? My guy was often busy too and I might have been kind of a nag if he didn’t text back or call when I wanted him to. That’s something I would change is being happy he’s contacting me at all. And so don’t nag him about it! So I would keep talking to him on the regular basis… wait like 2 weeks and mention a movie that you and he probably like to see KINDA LIKE THIS. bring it up casually talk about something eles and then slide in( in an excited voice) Hey Have you heard about that movie(you fill in the blank) It seemed kinda interesting. I was thinking about seeing it. then stop talking and see if he offers to take you to it. If he doesn’t say anything within a few seconds but give him some time to respond. If there is a supper long pause… fill it in with saying yeah well…lol Brush it off and say yeah well Maybe I will see it next week or something… If still nothing from him. Ill tell you if it was good or not. Quickly change subject to something light… If he doesn’t invite you its ok … see that movie and at least you will still have something to talk about at least.
