Hey! No contact advice. Would be grateful.

no-contact-rule
1

Hey! Thanks for taking time.

Long story short. She lost attraction, eventually made her feel like our relationship wasa a burden since she couldnt meet my needs. We tried to work it out, but it did not work as it got worse. Eventually she needed some space and wanted to be alone. The end of our relationship moved towards it anyway.

11.december - Initial reaction and discussion about taking a break, breaking up.
We decided for a break to make things smoother. We both felt alone.

  1. January 2016 - After seeing her for about a month (talking to her occasionally, because of christmas and new year) and trying to proceed with no contact. I thought we were still on a break. She did mention earlier that it would we best if we broke up.
    We broke up. Wasn’t a big surprise :smiley: We had the talk on 7th January and tried to be mature about it.

Now, what really bothers me is that I see her really often as we are on the same course. Of course, as a part of a break up etc. I still feel the need to be with her. I do have to admit that these feelings might fade after the longer period of No contact.

My question is, how should I proceed with No contact?

  • We are students, we are studying the same field. Course is relatively small, 16 people and quite close.
  • Eventually we both got Tinder. She superliked me. Asked why did she do it, “Just a joke”
  • Since she has Tinder, she talks with other men. I am not mad at her for doing this, as I do the same thing. This is normal. What I dislike, is that she lets her friends in our course take her phone and read tinder chats and talk, also discuss about men.
    Note. They are doing it basically in front of me and talking quite loud. I have no problem overhearing this. This hurts alot. But I just ignore it.

The question is. Why does my ex-girlfriend behave like this? Is this normal to show off? Does she want me back and make me jealous?

She told me that she occasionally feels alone, but trying again with us might make us both suffer again.
This is why I want to make no contact and discover myself, what I want to do with her. Also give her space. It is healthy for both of us to talk with the other gender anyway. Since I see her quite often etc. makes getting over her quite difficult. I want to get over her in order to see, what I really want. Now my vision is just clouded.

Also, one more thing. Should I try to show he back, that I am dating other people? I would do it using the same method she is using, talking about dates and other women with friends near her, that I find and chat.

14.01 there is a event, where I would ask another girl out. Both (Ex and this new girl) are listed as “intrested” on Facebook.
Should I do what I want and ask the other girl out? Actually this is what I want to do. The main concern is, that my ex girlfriend might be her.
I want to show her that I am also dating other people, yet I do not want to appear that childish and rude. It is good and feels good to do the same hurtful act and possibly making her jealous.

What are your thoughts? Note. The last part is 50/50 as I might get a date, but the ex might not show up.

Sunshine and love,
A

2

Don’t she might be a friend of hers testing you. My guess is that she’s going nuts. NC is probably your best bet my friend. Try this. When you see her a simple nod is okay. Its a greeting that doesnt require affection and it acknowledges that you saw her but she doesn’t affect you too much. She’s competing. And that’s a good sign. If you really want her back she’s actually showing weakness. “Oh my gahd this boy said to me blah blah blah”. Show maturity and composure. If you have to date just a friendly one. Show that you are a different person. The person you want her to see like a sneak preview but for another person. Now make sure shes not a friend of hers as she may be testing you. Don’t fret. It’s called partial nc. This is unavoidable. If you pass by her nod. If you are together in a room focus on other things. Don’t hang out with mutual friends. And stuff.

3

Thanks for the advice. Nodding hasn’t come up to my mind yet.
I am really starting to hate her friends, because I seriously think that they are behind most of this troublesome time. You need to blame others, right :smiley:
I know this is wrong to assume something like this, but her friends drag her away everytime. If they weren’t there things might be going different.
Also, when I say this, then I feel really needy and greedy towards my ex-Girlfriend.
I know she is trying to get over me as well and I cant blame her for relying on her friends. I do the same thing.

I will give it a try with the no Contact
It is really difficult for me to talk with her. Also she comes up to me and has a chat. It makes me crack.

11.01 later that night we managed to kiss as she was really curious who did I go out with etc. I did not tell her. She asked me about 5 times.

Eventually I walked her home, which was a mistake. We were both confused and had a hard time getting over eachother.
I gave her a kiss eventually. All of the old feelings climbed up, everything.

NOTE: After that we haven’t had any talks about “us”, only chit-chat which is basically being polite.

13.01
Since I thought things might be going better, I went to the bar where she is working.
Oh noes, the moment I arrived she was already leaving.
I went to eat out alone, I came from gym and I was in town and hungry.
She told me, I did not insist, that she was going on a tinder date her friends had arranged for her.

It was hard. Well, I realized that this is normal as well and I shouldn’t panic. But hard.

14.01
Poetry night.
Went to school, came to me on bus, told me that she was also intrested. Went to the Gym that day as well, between classes. Messaged her that if she has intrest going there, then we should go.
She “Seen-zoned” me. At school I ignored her. Eventually when the classes ended, she asked if You are going alone. I told yes, I was planning it for quite a while. She then went out to eat with her friends.

Oh, one more thing. I walked down the alley, looked behind me. There she was standing, hesitating if she should come with me, or go with her friends. Then she ran with her friends.

That evening I managed to break the No Contact again, told her that I saw her standing there.
She replied with a “:(”

15.01 But, whatever. Now it is friday and it is going to be difficult. Also Saturday. Saw her attending multiple events. Most of our friends are also same.

I will try nodding and not speaking to her at all and see how it works for a week. Eventually it might be easier to carrie on a longer time-span. I need to go to dates, do stuff. But I find it really hard. I see and hear to much. It is hard to be cheerful around her.

The main thing is. Why didn’t it work? She thought it will not work out between us, she had too much pressure from other stuff and our relationship during that time.

So, what should I do. Just keep NC?
Note, 5-7 February we have workshop at her home town.

( Funny thing is, I realize that I shouldn’t believe my instincts. I know that they aren’t right and they are making me desperate. I feel like I’ve had too many small breakdowns. It’s hard to even wake up, first thought of the day is, who will she be going out with? The new guy, or her friends? )

Thanks,
A

4

Also.

It is really crazy and funny how our minds work.

We react and freak out about the dating other people thing. It is crazy. :smiley:

It is normal. But the thing is how we over react.

5

Dont hate her friends. “Know thy enemy” they will be your valuable ally in the fùture. Do what im doing. I changed her bestfriends mind about me. I think. And she said i was good with words. And she wanted to help me out too. You shouldnt worry about her dating too much. If that is as you said a rebound the hole he fills stop as soon as she sees it wont fill her world.

6

Hehe. Good idea making friends with the enemy.

Ill see how it goes. And probably post here to clear thoughts

Thanks

7

Also. Friday.
She put intrested to all kind of parties happening around the town and she has work tonorrow.

Ehh, feels like she is trying to a) motivate me to do something
b) telling me to avoid certain places
c) just going out

Funny still feel the need to over-react
Lol
Ok. Writing here. Helps

8

Knowing the enemy is a big up. first off. This gives you a big advantage. Why? you know who you are dealing with. A hidden enemy is very dangerous. Thus we create allies to make life easier.

9

I actually felt great not going with the same bus back to home and to school (We use the same transport, but have 3/4 different options for it) .

Now I know she is sitting at home and I feel like I should make a move…
But instead I think it is better to observe and watch.
Main goal is to get to 17th January with No Contact. Then see how I feel and how I can act.