Help with nc

Myself and my ex husband were together 16 years and we have 3 children. We sperated 10 months ago. I ended the relationship, throughout our 16 years together he would get into fights on nights out, has had dealings with the police, would stay out until 7am in the morning (not every time) and stumbling in the door while I’d be putting breakfast on the table for our children. In all that time I told him you need to stop this behaviour or you will lose me and our children.

He might behave for a few months and then he would chose to stay out again known that he was going to lose me. In the end I had an affair for 6 months. I didn’t end my marriage over the affair but down to him getting into another fist fight, although the affair was still going on when I ended my marriage. The day my husband left the house was the day I ended the affair cause I realised I loved my husband very much. My ex knows of my affair, since our split we have slept together and also have had cuddles. Every time he is out he will txt me about 5am in the morning. I have wrote him a letter explaining my affair and fullying taking the blame and asking him if we can work things out.

He has said it is highly unlikely we will get back together in the foreseeable future. I am totally obsessed with him, checking his FB page through my sons account as we are not friends. Today I started the NC or in my case limited contact because of the kids. I know he is still in love with me and very much so attracted to me as he has told me so. Do you think the NC will work or is me having an affair the most unforgivable thing ever and I should just allow him and me to move on.
Thank you for reading x

@dee82 - Maybe you’re just feeling guilty about having an affair and that’s what makes you think it would be a good idea to get back together with a toxic man who has a drinking problem and get into fights. NOT a good idea and he isn’t a good role model for your children either. I understand you have to do limited contact because of visits with the kids, but please don’t beg him to come back! This man has a pattern and even though you say you love him, it will only end in your unhappiness. Stop sleeping with him and move on to a better life for yourself and your children. Unless he get help (like AA) for his problem, nothing will change for the better. After he improves himself, that would be the time to try and work things out, but not until then… The no contact is more for you. To make self improvements or to work up the courage and emotional detachment to move on. I’m sorry for your situation and especially for your kids. Please take time to think of your own future happiness and well being.