I was with my girlfriend for 8 years, high school sweethearts. About 3 months ago she broke up with me because of some big mistakes I made about 4 months prior (so about 7 months from now). I took her for granted, neglected her, and left her alone. Basically what I did for two months straight was go out to bars or just drive around all night and never come home so she’d be waiting for me to come to bed with her but instead I’d get home in the wee hours of the morning. “You’re cheating” got thrown around quite a lot, big fights, and overall tension. I eventually stopped when I realized what I was doing to our relationship but it was too late. She ended up meeting a mildly interesting guy who caught her attention at the right time and very soon after she split up with me. For the next three months it was a rollercoaster ride. We still lived together (we had a house and a kid), we still did things with each other (go out to eat, go on short trips, sex, sleep in the same bed, watch movies, make food together, etc.), and still talked a lot about getting back together. All of this while she was sort of seeing another guy. While it killed me to see, I could tell myself not to worry because it would fail. And it did, terribly. After it did, she gave us another shot which started out intense and strong (she’d make jokes about marriage and even mention the future with me included), but fizzled out quick within a week and a half. She ended up splitting again, saying “I just don’t have feelings for you.” And then soon after moving in with her grandparents. I looked for help and decided No Contact was my best chance, as obviously chasing her isn’t gonna work. Right now I’m on about day 3 of strict no contact and I need some help. I talked to her briefly today because we have a kid, she let me know that she works this Saturday night so that I know I’ll be watching my daughter, Ivy. This is how the conversation went down: http://imgur.com/a/4MvrHgE
Am I losing her? She’s obviously mad but is she gonna move on and date guys now? Does no contact even work? I see professionals say it’s the best way to get your ex back, I see other, less know professionals say the exact opposite, and on this thread all I see are people saying the No Contact helped them get over their ex and move on. I don’t want to move on, I don’t want my ex to move on, I want to fix this but I’m absolutely deathly terrified of doing the wrong thing thinking that I’m helping. Day to day life is absolute agony and not knowing if the tactic you’re using is pushing her away or making her miss you is maddening. I can’t stop thinking about it. Luckily, before the break up I was a pretty avid self improver, so I was already hitting the gym, making goals, etc. The break up caused a bit of a hiccup in that but I’ve been back on track for awhile.
I think she has gone back so talking to the original guy she had a rebound with. Not sure how I feel about it because on one hand this guy is an absolute dumpster fire and if he can honestly just keep her distracted or “taken” for the time being while no contact hopefully works its magic, then I could see this as a good thing. Because if she started talking to an actual decent guy I fear the worst. On the other hand, the fact that she’s talking to any guy still hurts. Is this “date” that I’m going on going to drive her away? Is it going to make her want to date other guys? Should brace for the pain and continue with no contact? If not, what should I do instead? I need help and clarity, I don’t know what to do and the only thing that’s keeping me going is sheer will and my kid.
Thank you, so much, this means everything to me.