Nothing exciting on work trip, bloody long day in a meeting room on fairly hard chair, my bottocks hurt and then dinner with colleagues and then bed and again early start and then afternoon back to airport and home late at night so no glamour only postive is I can least book train and flight tickets on first class so I get the airmiles; ). So no need to be jealous.
@finntoga,
Huh. I’ve never thought of it that way before. I thought they were just self centeredand thought they were beautiful (I don’t really agree, lol) And ugh talking about their bodies…don’t they have better things to talk about? At least they can talk about how much unnecessary money they have! LOL Yeah, I take selfies sometimes and some people take them every day saying how beautiful they are etc… it really annoys me. Yeah I do really need to conquer the negative. I always find something new each day. Today was that somehow I have two little sores on my face not sure what from -- maybe allergies? don’t really know. They’re not pimples…they’re just owies. And also my calf muscle has become defined when I flex it and I don’t like the look of it! -- sure I walked a lot in Disney but seriously???
And yeah, I do believe I am kind, good, and caring. Most people wouldn’t feel bad… I do…despite what he did I have forgiven him. Now it’s time to not let those terrible memories affect my relationships with others such as my new ex. Yeah, I really take feedback seriously especially if it is said in a nice way as you and @dragongirl both say it and it helps me know what to focus on 
And I’m not sure if he still is bullying me or just trying to manipulate me…which still is unacceptable. It’s just hard. He doesn’t really have anyone… and he sounded so sad and depressed on the phone and he was so happy to be talking to me. And at the same time, I do not want him back! I want my new ex… Thank you for all you said about working on stuff, it meant a lot I am addressing the thoughts and it’s so hard sometimes. My therapist scared me today though she said new ex might have changed his number and I was like no he didn’t (bc when you call it is still a working line…just not accepting calls…if it was changed it would say the line is not in service) Yeah, I could try that while brushing my teeth And yeah my old ex has done a little work and has a long way to go. I agree, I know he has a low self esteem as well. that’s a good point about compliments… I always turn them around or am like “are you joking, I look horrible” etc… -_- and I know saying thank you would be a good start. Yeah, I need to put myself first… yeah her advice wasnt bad…I did call my ex 2 times blocked ( in a row) today …first was to see phone was off, second was to re listen to the automated message to make sure the line was still working…and that means no more until at least Saturday.
I’m on day 17 of NC now. Over halfway done. I’m soooo upset that his phone is still off and I haven’t heard from him…the day we broke up I had messaged him on linkedin and I’m worried he just now got those but those were before we broke up !!! Will that affect my NC? I’m so hurt it has been 19 days since breakup and on day 17 of NC and nothing at all from him. Feeling like he doesn’t not care about me at all, he will never ever come back, he has moved on, etc. Also he went on linkedin but Idk about other social media…maybe linkedin was acceptable to him to check at work? Noooo clue 
I could apply that goal setting to other things! It’s a good idea! I am definitely a result oriented person…hahaha. Yeah I think daily things are easier than longer term things…currently fighting urge to check his social media again! -_-
@finntoga
Oh no! Not as glamorous as it seemed I guess lol. I hope you feel better! And haha first class is great! I’ve only flown once in first class, it was great lol
Argh I got lunch w my coworker today. I think he has a crush on me. I don’t want to lead him on I don’t know what to do. He was just nice held the door open for me and asked me if I’m working Tomm.
I really miss my ex I love him so much I’m day 18 of nc and nothing and feeling like he doesn’t care and doesn’t miss me
Befriendly but dont flirt. And if he ask you out tell him honestly that you can only do it on friends basis if he wants something else. Why dont you just enjoy that someone likes company instead of making issue and worrying about before anything has happened. So far there is guy who likes you knows you are leaving and asked you to lunch. If he starts getting overly friendly just tell him what the situation is. so just enjoy. I know you miss your ex so do I but this is the situation now, you dont know what he thinks and do you honestly think that he doies care for you or miss you? Just because he has not contacted you does not mean that is the case but maybe he is just so fed up with the bad cycles you guys had together and just needs time. Month is a long time to miss someone but short time in larger scale of relationships it is just that you are impatient and you need to continue the work with you. It might be day 18 but as long as you dont appreciate yourself, work on these negative thoughts, make sure your eating plan holds regardless of what happens and you continue checking his phone and worrying about it like it is the only way to contact him, you are not ready to stay way from the bad pattern and will slip back to it. Youa re still too much stuck on his phone issue, you need to revise that thinking if his phone doe snot work, send a letter or email. Remember different outlooks on situations not the worst case scenario , if you expect it is like prophecy and selfulfils it. But if you look at in different and more positive ways then those things are what drives the situation forward.
Hi @finntoga
Yeah I was friendly and didn’t flirt. I laugh a lot and am very bubbly when I get to know someone but that is just my personality. I at first am extremely quiet and reserved
Yeah I don’t know for sure he likes me but I have a feeling he does
But I was like talking to him today and then said imma prob go get lunch soon and he said where you going. And I was like idk. Then asked what places are good that maybe I haven’t tried. And I was like yeah I may just go to subway and then has asked when and blah lol slick move on his part haha.
And I don’t know what to think at this point… It is day 18 nc and I haven’t heard a thing… Someone tried calling me unknown today but that could have been anyone! Yeah you’re right about obsessing w the phone I called again today and still off. It makes me so anxious. You’re completely right I have a hard Time being patient and also it’s been a long time since he broke up and I still feel so heartbroken. And yeah I always think of the worst case scenario I always do. I don’t really know how to counter that. I also wish I knew what my ex is thinking …also I’m stepping down from eating disorder treatment and sooo scared. Part of me wants to relapse to get back in treatment bc I get so much support there and feel safe. And I know that only will hurt me. I want my ex to know that I have been working on me. What if he doesn’t even realize I haven’t contacted him???
I’m having a hard time I miss him so much. I love him so much. I only want him no one else. I’m day 18 of nc and it is hurting that he has not reached out. Around this time last time he liked my ig pics. Maybe he is just completely done and I should Accept he has moved on and it’s over??? I feel if he really loves me and wants to work it out he would have contacted
I feel like he doesn’t even miss me bc he has said nothing and he must not notice my silence
What a hard day. I tried phone blocked three times and still off I need to stop for at least a week and take it day by day also looked at his ig twice and some people associated w him again as well as school site once . I literally feel I failed and I know this is still way better than two weeks ago. We broke up 21 days ago and it’s my day 19 of bc and I’m really upset bc he has said NOTHING feeling it must really be over
18 days at the end of the day is very short time. Yes you do need to stop the phone thing because as long as you keep doing that you would continue same habits if you were with him. Just because it has been 18 days it is no time at all to heal nor get over anger at etc. You need to remember that after second breakup the getting back idea takes longer to reach from the one who left so give him time he just needs it. Also your chance is 50/50 that it go either so hope is not lost here what I am saying is you need to be prepared both options so that you are okay if it does not go your way but like it is 50/50 and you still have a chance. I dont have one with the love my life so consider yourself to still have least a chance, instead of obsessing about his phone like I said it is not only way to contact him once you decide nc is done and you are ready to contact him so just take control of your actions because only you can. Transfer that desire to control him and your relationship to controlling yourself and the obsessive side of yourself. His phone and does it work it is irrelevant. You can email or even better write a letter , there is something precious getting a real letter because you rarely get one now days. Also you will have hard days but they will pass and then you will have better days and I know you think that will not happen but it will no matter what. You said you believed that he really does love you then have little faith in him as person and that love, do you really in your deepest heart believe he does not miss you?
You counter that worse case scenario thinking by offering yourself other options so when the thought he does not love me comes to your head, instead of that think of moment when he said he loved you and what his expression was when he said that. Just like when you think negative thoughts about your body or yourself counter the thought. It takes work and concentration but little by little it will change your thinking.
Past is past now so stop thinking what he did last time you break up you know mine and Dragongirl’s thoughts on that. It is not the same situation. After second break up you need more time to get over the things so that is one of the reasons he has not behaved same way.Does he noticed you have not contacted him, did you not send him loads of emails? So I would say yes he has but he is also careful now because it hurt him too to break up not just you so just try to relax your thoughts and do other stuff. You can do it if you try hard enough.
Also don’t think of the dialing his phone as failure but more like temporary set back you know you should have not done it but it happened. Every one messes up here and there, least you did not email him or contact him so you are fine. You are trying not to do it and acknowledged the mistake so now just take it as it was mishap but not end of the world : ).
@Finntoga-Love what you wrote-simply brilliant!
@Brokenhearted
Things I want you to think about: What if this ex is gone for good? What if he doesn’t come back? How are you going to handle that? I want you to think of the worst-case scenario and really feel the emotions. It’s this fear and panic that you have lost him forever that continues to feed your negative emotions. Once you feel those emotions and cry your heart out ,then you will realize that life won’t fall apart and the world won’t stop spinning. It’s like once you have mentally faced this worst-case scenario, you can handle anything.
You have to continue living your life as if this guy won’t be yours again. You have to take one step at a time and continue being the awesome you. You were a spectacular and awesome person prior to this ex entering your life even if you couldn’t see it because you are dealing with so many issues. And you will continue to have all those awesome qualities about you and you have gained even more through this experience.
I know it’s hard. I know that you miss him with every cell in your body. But look at all your accomplishments. You have successfully managed to go NC! The fact that you have gone NC is a testimonial to your inner strength Brokenhearted. Me and Finntoga are sooo proud of you!! It is a major accomplishment that you have managed to control yourself to the point where he has not heard from you. And honestly, the way that he just dropped out of your life after going through so much with you-he deserves not to hear a word from you. When you have those moments of missing him so much that every breath hurts, I want you to embrace your anger towards him. Write down all the things that suck about him. This will help those I-miss-you-feelings subside because you will see that this guy is just a human not a God. And many times we idolize our exes to the point where we put them on a pedestal and they become perfect Gods in our mind. Knock him the fuck off the pedestal and that will help you deal with those miss you feelings!
@finntoga Thanks for your reply
Today is actually day 21, though I can’t believe it is day 21 of NC and he has said NOTHING. Also I keep checking his stupid phone which is still off… I did see he was on IG between last night and this afternoon, though … and now I’m wondering if he broke and looked at my page…I don’t know though…he liked one of his friend’s pictures, that’s all I could find. Yeah, I know I should view it as a slip back as opposed to a failure…it is so hard for me not to think in black and white. And yeah, you have a really good point. My habits have improved but they are still existent and any bit of anxiety or a fight, or a trigger may cause me to fall back into where I was…I don’t want that. And is 21 days worse than 18? I read on another get your ex back site that after 21 days that is a VERY long time for your ex to not contact you I’m so heartbroken. He only wanted the first break up to be a break, though…Idk I dont even know what to think at this point. Are you sure you don’t have a chance? I hope you do! or someone even better and ugh I wish I had a 75/25 chance… like that I had a decent chance… I guess no one knows how to determine that, though. I know I do need to accept I may lose him and deal with that first as well…I’m trying 
And yeah, it isn’t the only way but I feel like with him it is the way that would most likely result in a reply…? I’m working on controlling myself and setting boundaries. My supervisor wants me to do all this work and I have one day left of work!!! She is insane. I strongly dislike her. And I am going to do my expense report, write transfer summaries, clean up my desk, and then see if I have time 
she has insane expectations there’s no possible way. That is true about rarely getting written letters nowadays. However, I sent him a card when his gma died and he never replied And I don’t know what I believe deep down in my heart. My insecurity is affecting things… like, he’s said he loves me and I believed him…but also my old ex said that and I don’t think he really loved me…bc he cheated! This new ex didn’t cheat and I still feel insecure like maybe he said he loved me when he was already over it and the bad cycle… however, the last time I spent the night there he told me it over and over again and whispered it so sweetly… and one time I didn’t hear him and he repeats it and says “I said I loved you”
Now I’m tearing up
and yeah, the past is the past. How do I stay in the present!? I always want to analyze everything and figure everything out!
I just want to know if he will want me back… and yes I thought about things I would tell him like he can’t repeat this i can’t and won’t put up with it , i’m working on me and need to know he will communicate properly, etc. I don’t know. I just truly believe he is the love of my life and we are meant for each other…
@dragongirl, yes you are right, @finntoga has excellent advice
Those are really good things to think about. I would be devastated and more heartbroken if he is gone for good, however, I could probably be happy with someone else, I just don’t want to be with anyone else at this moment. I’m pretty sure my coworker likes me though, and he would be someone I could be interested IF I WAS NOT IN LOVE WITH MY EX. Therefore, I feel nothing for anyone except my ex. I’m a focus on one person kinda girl. My heart won’t have it any other way. I would feel so disappointed and that he never really loved me bc if he really loved me how could he break up via email and never look back, just seems unlikely. And yeah you’re exactly right it does feed negative emotions…and I think it goes down to fear that he didn’t really care or love me I feel like I’m not able to fully feel it if he is gone forever… I don’t know… I’m a bit all over the place. Day 21 of NC and he has said NOTHINGGGG WHAT THE HECK WHYYYYYYY.
I will try to handle the mental scenario within the next week though, may take me a little time to get there. I was happy at work today bc I’m quitting haha. And I felt like myself. Laughing, joking, giggling. So it was good to see. And I think my coworker now sees me how my ex saw me…and it just reminds me of my ex!! I felt like I lost myself! I was so controlled by my anxiety that I lost the bubbly silly goofy laughing joking funny girl that I am And because of that I fear he will never come back.
He also had promised me he wouldn’t ignore me again and then he did…granted I blew up (this is when we were still dating) but he still had promised.
I guess NC is a good accomplishment. I see a lot of people on here fail and screw things up even more… I’m so terrified of that outcome that I stay NC. For me, it is NOT worth losing my ex or pushing him further away just for me to contact sooner. That would be horrible. Maybe others just think about themselves and don’t view it that way but I genuinely deeply love him. Like also people talking about sleeping with their exes… I would much rather see my ex and lie in his arms all night talking about things, working things out, and crying when needed. Love isn’t always physical…
I’m so glad that you and @finntoga are proud of me it means a lot. I wonder if you girls thought I could get this far? and yeah…him just dropping out of my life… my heart feels he would not just do that…that he wouldn’t be capable of it bc he loves me so much… but my insecurity and anxiety say that that is what he did, he will never want me again, and he doesn’t love me… it’s a battle. Haha. I always focus on people’s good qualities! But I guess it would be okay to see him as my equal and not my superior… I also realized I used to get my happiness and self esteem from him and that isn’t healthy. at least I’m learning…just really want him back.
21 is a while not to hear from ur ex, but to be honest I am on day 30 of no contact so tomorrow is the first day I will contact my ex again.
Basically my ex didn’t contact me until day 25 which was a snap chat and then last weekend she sent me a text of which I didn’t respond. I don’t think you should lose hope. Every relationship is different and every ex is different. Some break right away and come back desperate. However I think it’s better to have an ex that takes a while to contact you because it means they are taking time to think things over so when they do come back it’s from a place of thought and reason vs wild emotion
I know you want to analyze everything, better than anyone hello brokenhearted meet Finntoga ms. Analyzer things to death ; ). LOL. But the thing to realize that as much you analyze things you always need to take into equation the unknown factors in this case it is him and his thoughts we dont know them they could be anything, he could be start wondering right now hey she has not emailed me what is going on? Or not the analyzing at this point should be directed to you.
Dragongirl says it best in her mail ,you need to live this situation at the moment in a way like he will not come back but knowing you will be okay regardless. I know you love him right now and I know you only want him right now and that is okay but there 50/50 chance he no longer wants to be with you. It does not mean he does not love you but simply that bad cycles were too much. What you need to see is that those cycles was a combination of two people with unresolved personal issues being together and only if you both work on yours in a way that during first hurdle i.e first argument you dont slip and go back to the behaviors that created the situation you are in now then you can succeed because it is not just about love for each other it is also about loving you. When you see in you what Dragongirl and I in you then you are in right bath. When you said that to get the support and safety net you almost feel like messing up your meal plan that made me sad because the feeling secure comes from within feeling ok with yourself- When you are okay with who you are it does not mean there are not things you cannot improve but it means you are not doing things that harm you. Like Dragongirl said you have the inner strength you just have not realized it yourself and I give at times tougher comments as answer because I believe in you and the work you are doing for you.Because this work carries you through many situations in future.
Dragongirl has an excellent idea ( I think I might be a fan of her advice and the way she writes, she gives such good advice-) to kick him off the pedestal and writ down all the things he did to you. It does not mean you will love him less but you will just see him clearly as the faulty human being he is just like you and me instead of some wonder creature. It is really helpful to see his faults too.
Regarding this guy at work, become friends with him just friends nothing else be honest with him and have a normal healthy friendship with him, it will be good for you trust me. No one is saying you need to just move on to next guy. All hope is not yet lost. You can contact this ex once you are ready to see if there is a chance for you and if not then you have another good friend to support you. What ever happens with this ex you get back together or not and that is your current situation you do not know so no going back to first break up here, you know you will be fine in time, you have gained skills to control your anxiety and eating disorder, you have a new friend, you know you are strong and beautiful. If it does not work out no one says you need to forget him the next day take time to grieve, and be single with support from friends and family and when you are ready then date someone else, only you when you feel ready. Be cause you control you and what you do and only you can do that.
Forget that old ex already. He was lousy immature guy who never realized what he had in you and people who put other people down constantly in a relationship deserve our pity because they have sad lives. No one will stay in his when he treats people in nasty way. You are kind and good and what he said has no meaning because when he said those things he was talking about himself because people who self loath them selves often in relationship project it outside to the person they are with and hurt them because they cannot be in their own skin. So release that guy from your life. He did what he did, it is past now release and say I forgive and you can no longer hurt me. Don’t give him the power to continue impacting your life. He does not deserve it. He is an ex for a reason and his case every time you think of him say to yourself you do not deserve my thoughts for single second.
Did I think you can get this far, yes I did. When I read your first email about the 50 plus emails I thought ooh crap this girl needs some help here but there was something about your mail despite the over excessive email thing that made me think she just needs support she has something special in her so instead of doing what I usually do which is just read what others write I responded and I am glad I did because seeing the progress has been great and seeing your self awareness grow has been wonderful. You had it in you the whole time, you just needed other people to open your eyes to it so end of the day be really proud of the work you are doing because it shows maturity, self awareness, strength and courage. Courage is not always about some great heroic acts this is being the hero of your own life ie. you are making yourself a better you and that is a task that not everyone is up for .
I dont know if I have a chance with my ex since I made a decision that after all he did he needs to show me he wants me but it is hard for me because my rational head says there is no chance but my gut and my heart says we belong together so at times it is daily battle which is I keep myself busy to distract myself and it works. I also say to myself almost daily be grateful what you have and dont think what you dont have because things could be sooooo much worse. I could be in situation where I might lose my job, where I might have no friends nor family, where I could be homeless. So every time you think I dont have my love in my life think rather you met him , you had amazing moments, you were lucky to have someone like that when some people never get to have that so always be grateful and appreciative of what you have because it could be gone tomorrow. And that is what I say to myself when I feel desperate, sad or alone or feeling sorry for myself and it makes me happier to know I am one lucky person.
@mr anderson
Thanks for that I actually miscounted and yesterday was day 20, today is day 21. Ugh. Still nothing and his phone is still off bc hasnt paid bill still. We broke up 3 weeks ago (friday april 9th) and this sucks.
I’m so proud of you for going the whole 30 days! you are an inspiration! Let me know how it goes please! Yeah my ex and I aren’t friends on social media… blech I hope that I have hope still thanks for your encouragement! We did have personal issues that we needed to work on…I’m just hoping he really wants us to get back together and that he’s not officially done
That’s a good way to look at it though, bc saying something right away proves they aren’t working on themselves?
Haha yes! I am exactly the same way. I go over and over and over things in my head and try to figure it all out. Some say I think too much maybe they think too little LOL but in all seriousness you’re right. I don’t know what he is thinking at this point. I don’t know if he has thought about me. I don’t know if he really wants just a break or just wants us to be done… and speculating about it isn’t helpful to me. I also screwed up. I miscounted and yesterday was actually day 20 NC and today is day 21 NC. I’m a little bummed bc last time I contacted him day 22 and we got back together… and this time I’m not gonna do that.
Yeah @dragongirl had a very good point. I really need to focus on the here and now. I know that if he doesn’t come back, I can find someone else…I believe my coworker has a crush on me and possibly another guy friend…not sure though. I’m just not interested lol. I only want my new ex. Is it always a 50/50 chance? I really hope he wants to be with me and was just angry and needed time. I’m so scared he will give up on us
You’re completely right. It was both of our faults. Neither one of us was probably ready for a relationship…we just loved each other. I am trying to work on my issues. I’ve looked at his stuff a lot more (only like 2-3 times per day so less than before but more than when i left phone in car on vacation. I may try going days 21-30 not looking at anything… it will be sooooooo hard though. It really means a lot that you and Dragongirl have continued to respond to me and have ready everything, most people wouldn’t do that so I really really really appreciate that. I’m also honored that you both see positive things in me when I may not see it myself. I’m sorry that made you say I just don’t want to be without support for my eating disorder…granted I would still have therapy and such just less intensive treatment. I have decided falling back into it is not worth it though, and I might as well tough the rough waters of recovery and take my next step. My current job also has a “wellness wednesday” where all they eat is salad w no protein just veggies and fruit smoothies…it isn’t normal. my last day (monday) I plan to send an email to all staff saying Eating Disorder Awareness and explaining while the idea in and of itself is good, you need to be sure to promote overall wellness and nurture your body and that many people struggle with eating disorders and you may have no idea.
Haha! I could definitely write the things he did wrong that frustrated me too…but that may make me angrier at him like he thought it was all my fault, he didn’t try hard enough, etc. lol… i’ve thought about that a little bit and it gets me angry lol
Yeah, I can be friends with him. He may ask for my number and I just hope he doesn’t want to date me…I guess if he shows interest and tells me I will be honest say I’m not over my ex and I still love my ex… Thank you for all the kind words Sometimes I feel so weak, so broken, so imperfect. And yeah, that’s true. I just can’t imagine a future without my ex… but we will see. I think we have so much potential and we really love eachother…at least I thought so…
Yeah the old ex…you’re right… he just affects me and makes me think of how badly he treated me. I think he has realized now but he is much too late. One time he destroyed a bear I gave him and sent me a pic. It waas messed up. Yeah you have a really good point. I need to make sure I fully have forgiven him, I thought I had but I should check again.
Wow. You really thought so!? Oh my goodness…you saw something in me that I did not see! I thought I was completely hopeless and now on day 21 of NC
I guess I should look over my posts like you have suggested, it will help I think. Wow. all that means a lot. I don’t see ANY of that in myself! I’m glad you do
@finntoga, oh that makes sense. I guess we will see what happens. I hope he ends his rebound relationship Yeah, I completely understand about the daily battle… I’m so proud of you for being so strong. Has he contacted you at all since the break up? Did you ever reach out? And wow, I haven’t thought about it that way at all! I guess I could write a list about all the things I’m grateful for?