Hello Kevin, I do have questions , I need your help too.
Here is my story .I have been dated him about 11,5 month and we had serious relationship I hope so. I have been met his mom , I know his brother , all his friends . We traveled abroad together to 4 countries. Once in while we fought . But when we fought before we never not talked more then two hours. This time we had very serious disagreements. We got to very serious fight and decided to breakup .I didn t wanted that, but we been so angry and we have said a lot of mean things . Its all happened at his house and I left and I said that will never come back , he never stopped me it all. So since then I haven t seen him and didn t talked to him 28 days. Almost a month.
All these days I feel very miserable and very depressed. I do every thing that you recommended ,I go to gym, I go to yoga, I read books, I walk a lot, I spending time with my friends , shopping , I plan to go to Mexico next week ,we booked trip already. I even went on a date few times. But…I still feel miserable without him , miss him a lot and want him back. Following no contacting rules I haven t call him or Facebook or anything like that. But the problem is … I still not ready to contact him.
I cry every day, I feel still miserable and all these weeks since we dont talk I have been thinking about us and I realized how wrong I was and how horribly behaved myself with him ,its fact. I feel like I still not able to talk with him calm and without tears and emotions . Also I think he don t love me any more , and he will not want even to respond my sms or phone call. All these 4 weeks he never tried to contact me too. I feel and I think he moved on already. But I am still not. The question is- if I will try to contact him in May will be its too late? By that time it will 2 month since we broke up. I just even dont know how to try to contact him. Dont know what to say to him , why I want to meet him. He has birthday in May and its can be a reason to try talk to him at least say Happy birthday. And also he has some my thing at his house and I have bunch of his and still have his home key , do you think I cant text him and ask to meet because of that? What to say and how?
Ps I v tried to write here about 4 times , I cant see any of my massages here unfortunately.
If you still feel depressed, do not contact him
There’s this quote I like: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”
So asks yourself what went wrong during your healing progress.
On the outside you do all those things that makes you seem happy. But for being happy there is more than the “fake it until you make it”. You have to come to peace with yourself and your emotions.
You probably know that but do not know how, right?
For me meditation helped. Or make a list of things that makes you really happy and do them.
It is hard, I know, And maybe you need more time than others. If you need more help about that, just ask me 
It is a great coinsidence that NC ends on his birthday. But a simple “happy birthday” won’t do it. Think of something interesting to add
I wish you good luck
I came back completely disappointed today , almost crying .Here what happened .
So ,I didn’t contact my ex for 28 days after breakup. Then 3 days ago I v decided contact him for the first time . I wrote to him : Hello , how are you ,we haven’t seen each other for sometime , I hope all is well with you. He did responded back immediately . He said like he is really sick , He has cold . I offered him some help . Brought him some food. We watched movie together and I went home , and he paid for the lyft. Then next day he sms me at 10 am he said like he decided pay for my gym again (membership) . And next day he texted me , he said he going to go to the gym with me next day. So ,basically we spent all day together today at the gym ,then he I had offered to go to restaurant have some brunch and then after that have some food at his home and watch tv . So , we cooked some dinner together ,opened bottle of wine ,had a good time …then I said I need to go home it was 10,30 pm . He started kiss me and wanted basically having sex!!! That was really unexpected. He wasn’t try to kiss me or so all these days . 2 of them we seen each other .He attacked me and tried get my pants off and fuck me (.I am in shock still . I said him -no! I am not ready for sex аnd don’t touch me please.
He got offended I could see that and he dropped me home and I think thats it. He even didn’t sms me saying I am sorry for that . Just I am pretty much sure he will not call me any more. I think that he thinks because I have contacted him first I am ready for everything just to return him back (. But I am not , I have self-respect . And what should I do now? Please help me .
I am SO proud of you for not giving in the sex. It looks like everything went well (besides the last part but this is actually not bad)
I guess he’ll be pissed of and feel his ego attacked. Leave him be for 3-5 days so he can calm down. The next time this issue comes up, tell him that it would went too fast for you if you two have sex now again.
I guess you feel betrayed or think he might only wanted you for sex (I was in the same situation as you). But do not tell him that. Just say that you are not ready for sex right now.
I hope I could help
Sofia1997 Thanks so much for warm words! They supported me a lot. I came back home so disappointed. I thought all went well and there is a chance us to be happy together . Till yesterday night . Now I see he doesn’t care much . May be like you said it was just his ego. Oh yea … here we go , she came back lol , She can be doormat . But I want back nice committed relationship like we had before ,not just sex on the weekends.I am 32. So you think I shouldn’t contact him? What if he will never wants to contact me anymore ? He dropped me off and he was discouraged, didn’t looked happy it all. I said , I had good time today , thanks for the brunch. Have a good night .And I left . He didn’t said anything…
I going to take a trip to Mexico in a few days and he knows about that, I tald him yesterday when we had brunch .Yes , I do feel betrayed. ?
Sorry for my grammar ,I am from Europe , English not my first language.
Don’t worry about your language, I’m from germany 
Don’t think about the “what if he never contact me again?”. Well then, you will be the one who contacts.
I think he might be angry at you (god knows why. My ex was mad at me too for saying I don’t want sex right now. But in the end he still somehow cared for me. I think there is somenting on men mind that this is a huge rejection.)
Yes, I think you should wait a few days for him to calm down.
Have a lot of fun in Mexico! Maybe you can text him a bit when you are there
Germany ,very cool ! I v been to Munich , very beautiful country ) Thanks , I will try to have fun .?
When do you think I should text him ? When is the best time ? I am leaving on Thursday and he knows about that by the way . So we seen each other on Saturday last time , after that, silence …
Do you think it’s better write him on Wednesday the day before I leave or from Mexico ?
And what to write ? That’s the question .
You know how we anded last time lol . When he agrecivly attracted me with sex and I was not ready .
Interesting what is in his head now . He is angry , insecure or opposite, thinking that I will do what he wants ?
Last thing I want that he thinks that I am doormat and he can use me for sex when it’s convenient .?
I got so confused about what I should do with this relationship.
If I will keep texting him every time first he will lose last respect I think . What is your opinion on that ?
You said your ex been angry too . What did you do after that situation ? Did you contacted him or he did first ? And how long did you waited before you contacted , or him?
Wait until you are in Mexico
Then text him about… maybe what you just did that was interessting
Well he was the one who texted me a good night and because my phone went off I texted a “good morning” back at the next day. That’s how we texted again. And then I wanted to talk about it but he was distant and somehow angry…
I don’t think he will lose respect of you. He would have if you’ve had sex with him
So … I texted him yesterday . Because he wasn’t text me it all 5 days after we seen each other last time . It wasn’t very good honestly . I texted him afternoon and asked how he is doing , he responded in 3 hours ,but he been at work , that’s why . Then me and my friends went out and had a drink , I been little texting with him and he doesn’t sound like he interested too much texting me back , but, I still asked him is he wants to joint me . And he said - yes . So he walked to the place I been ( my friend left at the moment ) And his face expression was like he made huge favor for me because he showed up . I even didn’t knew how to act . Then he had few glasses of wine and started slowly warming up . Then he invited me watching movie at his home and we cuddled. Then I said I need go home . He started asking me about stay and sleep with him . I said I am not ready for sex and he said it’s ok . Just wants cuddle . Then in the morning he tryed having sex I said -no still . So he dropped me home .He said that he will see me after my trip to Mexico . So , I am at airport , and it’s 10 min before my flight . He even didn’t told me have a good safe flight . ?? He did that all the time before . Not any more . What should I do ? How should I act ? He just don’t care about me any more !!! really , it’s so sad …
I probably must to move on with him finally . Should I ? I need your help .
I felt like text him and say ; It Would be nice if you at least would say : have a safe flight !
I didn’t texted , and I feel I shouldn’t do that . But … I so much want !
Oh this one is tricky… It is hard to know if he only wants you for sex now and has moved on or if he just hides his feelings with sex.
My intuition says to ask him, but my logical part of the brain says that he then might lie to you.
I once read something about this kind of issue. I said that you should act friendly and normal but under no circumstances sleep with him.
I must say, it is hard to say if you should move on… Did you hear about “moving on without movin on”? It is about letting him go but if something between you two happens, you will take the chance.
Hope this helped you a bit…
keep me updated!
Thanks a lot for help !
I really don’t know that to do .
We been in almost year dating before broke up . We had very closed ,tender very intuitive and honest committed relationship . He had been sharing with me private things and I did same too. He loved travel with me , before relationship with me me he traveled only in to a few countries , when we met we stared travel abroad ones in 3 month at least and a lot in USA too . I by myself spoiled it all , that was good relationship so far . This month completely changed him . I am not recognize him .
He act like he don’t care . He doesn’t text me it all ! Only respond if I v texted .If he comes to see me he looks like he made me big favor. Last time like I said I slept at his home , but was no sex. I didn’t wanted to sleep in his place either , he asked me for , promised if I don’t want we will not have sex , just cattle. He knows I leaving to Mexico , he has my viber ,email , phone but … he didn’t texted me to say ; have a safe trip , no have are you , if I landed or not ? What’s what we did when we dated always . I think that’s it . He moved on. I can see that . He don’t thinking of me , don’t care , Don’t text . I feel like I must have move on too .What else I can do ?
I contacted first , I did texted first twice . He does not looks interested . He has no plan about me in his life . His birthday coming , I asked if he wants to do something , he said that he is not care and probably will stay home . I don’t know …
I wanted to text him from here Mexico , but I don’t want now with that kind his treatment to me , I think I shouldn’t .?
This sounds a bit like my situation… He always cared for me, texted me, found excuses to be with me etc.
But since he started his physik studies, he changed. He never got time for me and seems uninterested…
How did your breakup went? Who broke up with whom? Why? How did you guys react? Maybe this is part of the reason for his current behaviour
That’s a long story . And not very nice story .
We fought about financial part in our relationship. So ,he makes lets say 10 -15 k a month or more and I make 3k per month . When we stared dating he knew , when we been traveled he paid for all , but he is who offers that . When we went to restaurants or bars he paid. And in 11 month he tald me first time , Karina , you never pay for anything . All my friends are pay with their girlfriends 50/50 or at least 70/30. I said him , hey , you make much more money than I do , I can’t pay 50/50, are you seriouse ? Then I offered him option so he can feel better , I will buy you a drink if we have some out night , will you feel happier ? He said -yes . then I left for couple weeks to my home country to Europe , to visit my parents . The day when I came back we spent awesome .Next day in a morning he started a bad mood and stared talk to me like this ; Where is my breakfast ? Are you going cooking me breakfast ? Let’s go to gym , you are not exercise enough. All day he been in bad mood and me too and I could see that there is something annoy him . At 6 pm , he said he is bored and want something to do , and I was in enternet ,We started fight , that I was in Internet and he said he will leave than . I got mad that he wants to leave and wants leave me along at his home , because I have not seen him 3 weeks .And he got mad that I was in enternet . Finally we started fight and money topic came again !!!He said I am not enough Financially committed , and again and again talked about his friends . How they date their girls .? So we couldn’t talk any more calm and he left . And I left too . But before that we both said , like -let’s brake up than if we don’t understand each other .,
That’s the story . ? And he left me at his home , I left his home in 2 hours later . He never texted me month . I did, I tald all the story here, First time he seems like he into me again , happy that I texted . Now after I didn’t give a sex , he is cold , uninterested, never text me fist. Talk to me like I am a stranger for him . ?
I finally texted him said like; it’s would be nice if you at least have said like have a safe flight and how are you ? And in couple hours he texted me bake ; “Did you just text? I saw something come through and than it disappeared.
Hey you how is the wonderful Cancun?Any ways hope your having fun!Ah there it is. Sorry if you feel like I wasn’t concerned. I just think air travel is safer than driving in a car. What have you down there so far?”
I sent him some pictures , he said - awesome ! that’s it . ?
No conversation , nothing . He looks like he makes me a favor that he responding sometime . And treat me like I am an acquaintance . I don’t really he any future with that kind of relationship , when one person don’t want anything there is nothing you can do . ?
It seems that he had expectations how your relationship should work (due to his friends)
And maybe because his expectation of you two having sex again did not work, he is angry.
Is he really that kind of guy who would just answer you something that nice just to do you a favor, even though he had moved on?
It is your choice if you want to hang in there or not. After all, there is a risk and you should know yourself if you could handle a rejection or if you are willing to wait and fight for a long time.
Think about it but don’t push yourself.
He is a nice man . And good person , kind. I know his best friend , him and her dated in college . He can be friend with ex. I don’t know what is in his head now . He changed a lot and behave very different.
I completely lost with him . I just decided not sms him any more . If he will sms me fine , I will respond . If not , I don’t want do that again .
thanks for your help !??
So he has texed me ; how are you? and sent me a lot of pictures of this work .
I v noticed he goes back and force . One day he is nice , other day supper cold . Talking to me like he knows me 1 week.
This is the commonly “hot and could phase”
It is actually a good sign.
The Idea is not to get into an argument if he shows you a cold shoulder and show him that he is safe around you when he is in a “good mood”
Hang in there!