My ex dumped me three plus weeks ago for another guy. Funny thing is that she told me that me and her new guy share so many similarities like;- we share the same first name, we go to the same church, he has one sibling like me, he loves God just like me etc. only thing i know is that i was going through a tough time with my business the last 4 months and i haven’t been able to do stuff for her like take her out often, buy her gifts and all.We have been together for 3+ years and through it we have had fights (even physical), arguments infront of people and i have apologised but the thing is she is very unreasonable and selfish and i always have a problem with that.Throughout all these fights(4) we have sat and reconciled and solved the problems. Now on the day she left,we hadnt even argued, she just woke up and went to work and never came home. I felt so betrayed and i had the longest night in my entire life. I haven’t gotten angry about it but i have tried to beg her to come back and how i will change but she has gone to the extent of telling me not to look for her. i kept my cool and 8 days ago i texted her telling her that i have changed and felt betrayed but i am getting along good and that if we ever or never get back together, i free her and i wish her well.havent talked or contacted her since then.does she miss me coz i do miss her and seeing her still post photos on instagram makes my heart beat fast.surely, a three year relationship with the emotions and all cant just vanish into thin air.what to do?
Hi!! Yes it seems like she is worried only about herself and I’m totally against physical abuse.
Even fighting in public is not acceptable
She probably thinks of you since you have things in common with the other guy but I bet , even tho u love her, that you would be better off with a nice girl!!
I don’t want to sound negative here but I reckon that one day she got enough of bad treatment/arguing and she felt she deserved better. So she left you. I cannot blame her.
At this moment you can only cut all contact and give her space and time to decide what’s best for herself. Meanwhile identify your weaknesses in this relationship and actively work to address them. Just getting her back without working on yourself first will not result in a solid relationship.
You need time and perseverance. It looks to me that you may have some anger issues that you need to address. Physical abuse is a crime, I once dumped a boyfriend for twisting my arm. I never looked back after that despite him pleading with me to take him back. This says it all I guess
Seek professional help if necessary and try to become a better man if you want a chance at happiness, either with her or someone else.
Sorry about the arm twisting and Yeah I understand that.i have been with other women and I never got physical and I do get that getting violent is so wrong on so many levels.trying to justify it by the number of times she keeps flirting with other guys,going on dates,leading the on and sometimes even after talking about it,she goes to other guys houses when she is free.this stuff really hurts me but telling her that, she just brushes it aside and i guess that rage builds up.but being phtsical still haunts me. I have improved and still working on myself.i actually dont fight or get into fights but rather I am one guy that people come to to resolve their quarrels. I do acknowledge my problems and I am working on. When I asked her why she left she told me since we argue sometimes she wants to see if she is the one with the problem.that wasnt a good enough reason though (or rather the reason I expected to hear).we have been living together for 2 years and a friend of our told us that we are living like married people and having arguments like married people and we havent gone for couples therapy/counselling and I thought that was a good idea but she didnt want.well,for the 3 years I have done alot for her but she is to awed by her looks.even trying to improve her by suggesting to her ro improve herself by reading and being more interested in what is going on in the world but she is always fixed on her phone on instagram even at home and we dont really communicate well.i thought this time I would do it different and so far,just being alone,I habe made some improvements and I am keeping at it.i will still continue with the NC even though I miss her really much.we share so much and play so many games on each other on daily basis and she always comes to me for advice even I write some emails on her behalf coz she believes i know alot of stuff.if we do get back together or not,this has changed me into a better person.my pals always telling me she wasnt good for me but my heart feels different.anyways,all the best to both of us I guess but I would like to have her back.
how old are you two?
Maybe she is not ready for something too serious. From her behaviour, I gather she may not be looking to settle down anytime soon …
Hi Laura.Iam 28 she is 23.people who know us tell me that its just that she isnt mature enough and I could do better but my heart(or rather me) doesnt want to move on.every fancy thing we do has to be put up on IG.some signs a week before this all happened was that she told me she wants to feel butterflies when she sees her man and I was like we have dated for 3 years and living like married people,we need to focus on building ourselves and telling her about my business.when i told her about what i want to do with my business,she shot my ideas down and I stopped sharing my ideas with her.i have a feeling she went for the other guy because of security (cant blame a girl for it I guess)because of this period I have had with my business and not being able to give her what she wants (I provide the necessity though,i pay rent, all utilities and all ) but have been unable to toke her out frequently like I used to or evn buy stuff for her.i have sat her down and told her of the situations before but next day she still asks me to buy her stuff or take her somewhere and I’m like didnt we have that talk that its not the right time.i reached a point that I just say no coz as a man it doesnt feel good to have to explain everytime why you cant do good . Right now there were some cheques I was waiting for for like 4 months and I got a call 2 days ago that they are ready for pick up and instead of feeling good I felt sad coz I could afford to do something for her now but she isn’t around.i wanted to text her about it but I decided not to.makes me wonder if she is only there for the good times.i think I am crazy sometime ?? . But I miss her and my first guess is coz I miss having someone around and that the sex was good…am I crazy…
Yeah.i think its just an addiction to having someone around and the sex and the fact that she is hot(I know those are all wrong reasons).other than that,she really has poor communication skills while i like to talk and we keep on arguing coz she is always on her phone.i stopped sending her funny memes or pics on her whatsapp coz she would reply back that she doesn’t want me to send those pics that other girls are sharing with me and I was really annoyed by that.
She is too comfortable with her ingnorance and many times I try to improve her telling her that with that kind of beauty,if she worked on herself she could be really lucky but she replys telling me that education is not everything.i know its not everything but you have to improve yourself too.Her brother 3 times called her a socialite coz of the many pics and stuff she does on IG so clearly they can see it too.atleast I have always been true by giving it to her straight now she goes for a guy who idolizes her and she thinks thats love.i am really confused right now.she really did bruise my ego by immediately starting something with someone else.i need to come to my senses.
Hey
After reading the details of your story, I believe both of you need to grow up first. She is definitely not the mature, balanced person you seem to be looking - someone who understands you and gives you a strong support in your business, etc. She is definitely not interested in any of these. Just the fact that she is always on her phone and social media speaks volumes, she appears to be concerned only with herself and her public image. I may sound harsh here, but I can assure you that she is not into anything long-term and serious at the moment. On the other hand, you too need to grow up, sorry - it’s understandable that you are attracted to her because she is an attractive girl (I find no other strong reason for your attraction here) and the sex is good. Well, I am a tad older than you and can tell you for sure that while looks and first impressions are certainly of high importance, they should not rank the highest in your books. Because at the end of the day, you may just end up wasting your life on someone who cannot be your soulmate/companion and the breakup is imminent.
Sorry, I do not have advice how to get this girl back because I doubt the NC will actually work on her; she really does not seem to care that much about what you guys had. If I were you, I would still do an indefinite NC on her and move on.
Thanks so much Laura.the truth is a bitter pill to swallow I know and right now when my heart is hurting I guess I am just a slave for now but the NC is working for me as I tend to be able to resume my daily activities.yeah,a break up was imminent no lie.i dont understand why i am going after her,i am a handsome guy,and i get hit on by ladies too so i guess this flesh thing has blinded me too that i needed to be with a cute lady and maybe why i cant understand why she would do that to me.for someone after being told by her sister that i am lucky to have her came and asked me if i felt lucky to have her and i didnt reply,i just asked where this was coming from and she told me her sister and another mutual aquintance of ours (who is rich and uses women)told her so.anyway,i am improving myself like I said and knowing what I’m up to and the future of my business, I think that I am too good for her if she ever comes back the same person.if she tries to come back she better have pulled up her socks and gotten real.i need to respect myself too.self respect is important and I lost it whem my ego got bruised and heart shattered.she wanted us to move in permanent together and i told her not until we formalized ourselves with our parents and she told me i wasnt serious but the truth is my dad is a born again Christian and wouldnt approve of it until we do a wedding but she didnt get that.one time she wronged me by going against what we had agreed together and instead of apologizing she told me that telling me sorry wont help me in any way since she already did what she did,I had to explain to her why she should say sorry and when she did it was coz that it was to shut me up coz I kept going on about her apologising .i was so furious…I am not going after her again.no more pitty party.Thanks again Laura
I am sure this experience will make you stronger and give you a different perspective of relationships in the future. Re-building your self-esteem is far from easy but I am sure you can do it if you set your mind to it. Once you survive the first few weeks of NC, you will sense some inner peace and even some relief. This will help you reflect on what transpired between you two and how you can do it better the next time around when you meet someone amazing. Good luck!