@kaila I completely understand and support you! I believe that the people here were just trying to help and maybe they sounded a bit harsh by telling you the truth. However I understand how you feel, sometimes you just have this feeling in your heart that keeps telling you that there’s still hope. I know this myself because I felt what it’s like when everyone is telling you that there isn’t much hope anymore and you should move on, but you still have this feeling inside that somehow everything will turn out fine and that you shouldn’t give up just yet. I’ve came to realize that they might not always be right, but they are telling you this to make this hard time easier for you, and then in the worst case you can move on faster and not hanging onto something that might never happen again. I think there’s a chance you might get back together in the future. but right now he doesn’t worth your energy and time anymore. When you’ll stop thinking about getting him back then you’ll see that somehow you’ll start feeling better about yourself. I support you no matter what! Stay strong and everything will turn out fine!
Kaila, I am addressing the post where you talk about a couple that breaks up due to a change of feelings…and whether that is a definite dealbreaker. The answer is yes its a brutal dealbreaker. The reason is because 9 times out of 10, one person will have stronger feelings while the other prefers to exit the relationship and date others. Both are miserable because neither gets what they want. They can try to rekindle it if both of them want the relationship to work. Otherwise its a huge waste of time trying to remain in a relationship where feelings werent strong enough. Your ex recognized this fact so he let you go which you should be grateful for.
The harshness was just a small paragraph in what I said. It doesn’t really have much to do with my case or my journey.
I still think the same thing. The only difference is I’m more accepting of the situation as is, I’m letting go in a way. I do feel lighter. I feel like I really need to love myself, treat myself. I have done really good 
All I did was with love and care for him. I didn’t deserve this at the end. But it’s life. He was a jerk to me and definitely doesn’t deserve my time or energy right now. And I can just relax knowing I have nothing else to prove. I proved I loved him and would fight for him and that I changed and was gonna do everything to not bring the same problems to the relationship again.
I’m happy that I can just be me now without worrying about this anymore
I didn’t say “difference of feelings”. I said your ex saying he doesn’t feel the same anymore. It’s two different things. It can be the same thing, or don’t. As you might be aware, what your ex says and what is the truth isn’t always the same. I am already ahead of this so I don’t want to keep bringing it up
I never said difference of feelings either. When an ex says he doesn’t feel the same anymore,its the same outcome. Next time you attempt reconciliation with an ex and you don’t want it to fail horribly, you shouldnt be so quick to talk about the issues. This will only remind the guy of all the things he doesn’t like about the relationship and the problems it has. You have to wait until the foundation is stronger otherwise it is bound to crumble and fail.
I saw many places saying you should discuss the issues so that it won’t happen again. We didn’t really talk of the issues either. I was confused and wasn’t feeling ok, cause he told me straight to my face he didn’t want to talk about anything. It just made me feel I was going thru this alone. That I couldn’t talk about stuff. He then told me that’s not what he meant, we agreed to talk face to face. We met, I didn’t bring anything up. We spent two hours together he took me home, and asked himself what I wanted to talk about. I said now I feel better after we talked knowing you didn’t tell me we couldn’t talk about stuff. So really the only thing that I would like to talk now is that night out bla bla bla. He apologized said a few things and that’s it. He even said our phone talk before wasn’t a big deal and that it was ok. So I don’t think it played a part at the end. I actually shown I changed all those things. I wasn’t controlling him anymore, I wasn’t creating problems anymore, I was letting him do his thing, I told him he could tell me whenever he wanted to be with his friends etc. So I don’t see where that is bringing issues, it was more like clearing them…
Yes you discuss/clear the issues but you dont do it immediately after getting back together. I notice you talk a lot about changing your own behavior. Did he change his behavior that contributed to the breakup? I see that you put in a lot of effort but it sounds like he didnt. I don’t know your entire story but honestly your ex sounds like he has a lot of jerk qualities. I’m speaking from experience as I’ve written so many articles on every aspect of relationships for womens’ magazines, that I have lost count.
It was mostly me who did the wrong things. And another thing that made me talk about stuff was he wasn’t being as communicative and caring as he used to be and all that made a big confusion in my head.
The biggest contribution he gave to the break up the first time was lack of good communication and not telling me he couldn’t take things anymore so that I could do something or we could work on it before he broke up. I thought we were together and would fix things together. And well this time we had a heart to heart and he didn’t tell me there was a problem AGAIN. He just broke up without telling me anything.
He is actually a pretty nice guy and everyone loves him. But I sometimes think he is trying to compensate for the lack of apreciation he gets at home. And it just happens that he is a nice guy and likable so he has a lot of friends. He is not very picky about who he is friends with though, on the contrary. He just seems like he needs all this attention IDK. It was something I found pretty weird and didn’t realize before
What does your heart tell you to do about all of this?
It tells me I need to love and apreciate myself. It tells me I have such a big heart and that I can love so much… I need someone that will apreciate it, that will love me just as hard, that won’t give up on me. And has I said in the previous page if that is not him, I don’t want him. But I wish it was. And it sucks to be treated this way. Like I am disposable. I can guarantee no one apreciates him like I do and probably no one ever did. I am sure someone will in the future because he is great. But I don’t think he realizes his own issues. He also treated me wrong a few times. Before getting back I talked with my grandma for 4 hours. And we discussed this. And I realized he was rough at me sometimes too. Maybe with time he realized more and more how great I was to him and so he stopped being like that, changed, did all these efforts… to a point he just stopped. I think I lack a few things that could make him see us having more potential. But other than that I do pretty well in the other things he values. So … maybe that is why he told me it was hard for him making this decision. Maybe he did apreciate me and wanted this to work like but he feels he can’t. Idk. I need to find out and understand this.
Hey everyone. This is turning to be something different from what I thought it would.
When he told me he wanted to break up thursday, I thought I was gonna die. The thing I waited and fought for 4 months, was being taken away from me again and with small chance of turn around. It was so hard and for two days I felt part of me was dead.
I don’t know what it was, but I somehow almost went back to where I was before getting back. It’s hard and I went back to missing him like in the first stages, but I am not gonna die I feel somewhat free, I feel like a burden came out of my shoulders. I changed and proved it to him. I don’t need to prove anything anymore. I feel like I made some peace with myself, knowing I REALLY put my whole into this, into this love. And all I did really was love him. Even apart, I cared for him, called when I knew he wasn’t alright, made him a tshirt, made desserts and gave him some to take to his parents… All out of love and to prove how great I was and that he should be with me.
It’s sad my efforts didn’t give enough results. But they did! And even when everyone doubted me, when everyone said we weren’t getting back, I kept going, persevered. For some reason I care a lot about love, more than other things in life. I have an idea where that comes from… I’m sure I will be more clear when I do see a psychologist. I guess another month or two and I will. Been waiting for 4 months argh.
Where I am at is I am moving on. There is a part of me that still wants to try something and feels this might not be over. But whatever is the case, I will keep moving on, put myself first and stop thinking, scheming, caring so much. He doesn’t deserve it. He did the worse thing probably someone has ever done to me. He made me suffer like no other person ever did. And he didn’t even care to call to know if I am ok or to apologize for the suffering he caused me or how he was insensitive, or how he didn’t care before telling me all those things, if he was gonna keep them. He doesn’t deserve my time or my suffering anymore. Now I see he tries to have this image, but there’s more to him. He treated me so well when we were together… But now I see his other side. And I don’t think I deserved this.
Thank you for reading my rant. I hope you are all ok. Sorry that I’m away from here and not being as helpful as before. But I need to do this for my own wellbeing. I can’t dedicate myself so much to “get ex back” stuff or I will feel weak again
@Kaila That’s a really good thinking! You should really feel good about yourself! I know what it’s like, they treated you and loved you so much but then you discover their other side, which is shocking at first but after some time you begin to ask yourself if you really want someone like this. We really shouldn’t waste our time and energy on them. Think of it as a temporary feeling, you won’t keep feeling like this forever. You WILL be happy again! so it’s only a matter of time. If not him then someone else would see and appreciate your efforts! You should stay positive! I support you!
I’m really really happy to see that update, Kaila! It sounds like you came to the conclusions we wanted you to all on your own, which is the best way for things to happen! You deserve the best things in life and taking care of yourself and not letting anyone drag you down is going to get you there! My major kudos to you. I hope you’re still doing alright. If you want to talk, just let me know! I’m here to listen! I could also use some of your valuable insight on my post again, if you’re willing to give it.
Hey Oshi and between. Thank you both for your support. Today isn’t a good day. I feel totally shattered. Not only because of him but other stuff going on. That great feeling I had of feeling clear, relieved, focus on the things ahead is dissipated a bit. I feel my chest really heavy and hurting.
The thing I fear thinking about the most, is that if I didn’t mess up the first time… we would probably still be together. But then I think… he either gave up too quickly or he never really loved me, right? You don’t just stop loving someone that quick. Or is this really my fault that this is all screwed potentially forever?
Also I keep thinking if I could have done something different this second time around that would make us still be together?
I know dueling on these things is no good, but this feeling on my chest… this heavyness and burn… I need to make it disappear. I want to go back to feeling light again.
Also today something weird happened. I was walking on the street and a heard a guy from a passing car shout my exes name like he was mocking me. WTF? That hurts too! Why would his friends mocking me? Is he being disrespectful behind my back? I am pretty sure he has been talking smack about how I just turned my back on him and left his car without saying anything. Doesn’t he see how of a jerk he was to me?! WTF? argh
Oshi I wanted to give you advice but your thread is out of date… I can’t promise I will be very useful to be honest. But I can try
Just remember that there is nothing you did wrong and nothing you could’ve done differently. You were kind, sweet, determined, hardworking and it just didn’t click. That isn’t a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of his poor taste. I know it’s hard to remember and you’ll probably keep beating yourself up. I know I do that a lot and I know how hard it is to just sit here with the pain and discomfort and uncertainty of life and wonder what the hell is coming next. I really understand that and I’m sorry we both have to go through it.
I wouldn’t worry about his friends. If he’s been talking smack or that’s how they’re going to act, they’re not worth the time of day. And not to get your hopes up because there really isn’t any hope, but if he’s going as far as talking about you and the fact that you bailed, he’s at least upset about it. Not that he has a right to be, but it could be of at least a little comfort that you have that tiny piece of power over him.
Hey Kaila,
I just caught up on your latest posts-it sounds like you are going through ups and downs-it will get easier. I honestly feel like there is nothing that you could have done differently. You guys weren’t meant to be together as a couple at this time. Do you think he deserves you? Just remember what you wrote about the type of love that you should have in your life.
“I feel my chest really heavy and hurting.”…do you always feel that way after a breakup? I’m asking because I am doing an article about twinflames/twinsouls and one of the signs that you met your twinsoul is a symptom similar to this.
Sorry for barging in on your thread and interrupting Kaila, but dragongirl, would you mind reading my updates for the past 24 hours and giving me some insight? I feel like you always give really good advice and I could use it.
dragongirl, no! I have never, ever, EVER, felt anything like this! I have never fought for someone like this, nothing. It’s very weird. I have felt these physical things with him that I never did my entire life.
Yes it is very confusing and all. Part of me feels we are a great match. Another part of me feels some things are off about us. Maybe with time and growth we will get there and be on the same page but I’m not gonna be waiting for that. It’s that case if it’s meant to be it will hopefully be
Do a bit of research on twinsouls. Learn about them and try to figure out if he is yours. I’ve also met my twinsoul and when we are apart, I get that heavy hurting feeling in my chest. It’s almost unbearable. That is a sign that he is missing you a lot.
“I have felt these physical things with him that I never did my entire life.” Give me more details on this Kaila.