The truth of the matter is is that there’s probably not a whole lot of logic or sense behind this. It’s just how he feels and what he needs to do for himself right now. He obviously has some feelings because he’s kept you in his life and he tries to communicate, they just may not be the feelings you want, unfortunately. Nothing you did caused this. This is entirely on him, so beating yourself up won’t help. What will help is trying to just let this go for now. If you really feel the need to talk to him and tell him you love him, then do it. I don’t personally see the point or how it makes any difference now, as he clearly knows you do, but is choosing this path anyway. But you need to do what’s right for you, not what I would do. If you do talk, you need to start no contact after that. Full no contact. And you need to do it for yourself, not just to make him miss you. Hopefully, that will be something that goes along with no contact. But at this point, you need to take this for what it is as the moment and start trying to regroup to move on without him.
I agree with both of them! But I’m still confused as to how sex pertains to this? Can you explain so I can give you a better understanding and advice!
I am really sorry this happened. I’m not sure if he meant he didn’t like you you. I think he meant that he doesn’t like you like that. When people begin to experience different parts of their life, it brings about confusion.
It is good that you didn’t beg and plead and tell him you love him though. When people get into something deep again that they may not get ready for, they tend to back away like that!
i said that maybe because we didnt do it and i didnt say i love him, i didnt bring up those feelings in him. i just was keeping this passionateless and now he doesnt feel anything
im gonna deal with moving on after. now i need to think what is best to still have a chance
help please
what do i do
I’m not sure what more help we can give you when we’re all pretty much in agreement. I know this is hard and I don’t want to come off as callous like I know I did before when talking to you, but the best thing you can do to honestly have a chance is to start focusing on yourself, begin NC all over, and hope that he realizes he’s missing you and wants you still. I’m sorry, but that’s the harsh truth. There’s nothing else you can really do besides that, as like I said, there’s no magic fix for this. You can say you love him or offer to sleep with him if they’ll make you feel better in the long run, but I suspect they won’t. I could be wrong though. You do what you’ve got to do but know that at this point, I think the only thing you can really hope to do to win him back is to let it go and accept that if it’s meant to be, it will work out.
I hate to agree with @between1standa on this one, but it is so true…
Like I said, I really hate saying that because I don’t ever want anyone to lose hope and I want to give people as much support and help as I can. But in this case, I literally see nothing you can do besides give it time and your best thoughts. That and to really take care of yourself. You’ll never get over it and find someone better or you’ll never win him back if you don’t care of yourself and grow as a person. You’re way more special than he is, so it’s important to do that.
But how did you screw up this one? I dont think you did, it sounds like he was not sure in the first place did he not say all the time let’s see how this goes So the best you can do no matter how much this hurts right now is not to beg, try not to cry, try to be as calm as you can ( I know it is asking a lot) making love nor saying you love him would not have made any difference. Try to speak as calmly as you can. It sounds like he is not sure of what he wants and it was wrong of him to say lets get back together if he was not more sure about it. So try not to blame him, try to be as nice as you can and then take time apart. There is no miracle cure that any of us can give you or magic answer. If you do anything drastic like beg or get into argument it will for sure drive him away, calm you is better and then complete nc. I know you already did that but that is the only way for now. You should not feel bad because you did not mess this up this time. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
No dont say anything about him being confused, because men do not like if you are trying to tell them how they might feel. That is absolute no no. I think best is to go for back to nc and then take care of you and see what he does. If you start telling him I think you are confused, need more time lets go slow he wont go for it now. I know this is not what you want to heat but there are things that you cannot change and that is what he said he wants for now and that is to break up. As hard as that is to say to you and even worse for you to hear but this is the situation.
I don’t think you should suggest taking it slower or continuing to try but doing something differently. I think that if things are meant to work out, he will realize that in the long run and will come to this conclusion on his own. It doesn’t look desperate, persay, to suggest this but it’s not really your place to at this point. If this is what he’s saying he wants, you have to respect it.
I think NC really needs to occur for AT LEAST a month. In your case, after all this confusion, it probably needs to continue for longer. You need to keep to yourself until you’ve reached a point where you’re not dying to get him back or lonely without him. Only contact him once you feel like you can do so calmly and without a thought about getting back together.
Honestly, I think that if you told him you wanted to talk, it was kind of disrespectful to toy around with him and ask him to come to your area. You either wanted to talk or you didn’t, but that should’ve had nothing to do with whether or not he had more to say. It was either important enough for you to say what you had to say that he drive all the way back there and you be upfront with him, or it wasn’t important enough to merit contacting him. Sorry to be harsh, but this doesn’t fall somewhere in the middle. Asking him if he wants to talk to you is clearly a ploy to try and get him to say yes, and since he broke up with you and left it at that when he could’ve said more if he wanted to, it seems like a question that doesn’t really need to be asked.
I think you need to drop it and leave it alone for now. Go home, cry, eat a ton of ice cream, rant to us if you need, but don’t focus any more energy on him. For now, what’s done is done. That may change in the future, but it’s not going to change today.
My reply disappeared?
I didnt screw this. Only thing that might not helped is I didnt dive in for it. Or maybe I should have just make it all more fun. IDK.
Do you guys think I should talk and say maybe you are feeling like this now, maybe you are confused? I was a bit too, this is normal sometimes. Maybe we should keep going and take it slower?
Or should I just do NC for a few weeks or a month?
We talked about being together and talking today after his class. He called right after class saying he was almost arriving. I said I’m not home. He said where are you then? I said the area I was in, he said ok, tell me where I will go meet you. I said do you want to talk about something? He said kaila, you turned your back on me, said you wanted to talk now you are doing this, I don’t understand! I said do you want to talk about something? He said no kaila, i already said what I had to say! I said, ok then, nevermind. Ok? Bye kisses. He said ok bye kiss
Mind you, he was really nervous and even mad all this time answering to me
What do you think?
I know it did, for some reason. I responded to it above.
First, he lives 5 min by foot from me. Second I’m at a friends house 5 min away by car from our streets. Third he was in the car. And Fourth I am actually really close to his university and I thought he would call at the university and if I did decide to talk I was closer to his faculty.
Also, I can change my mind. I said I wanted to talk 4 hours ago. I can change my mind.
Me asking him if he wants to talk was a way for me to know if he had anything else to say. Cause I did turn my back on him. So if he had anything else to say, I didnt really gave him a chance, so I was giving it now. And then I said ok so nevermind. Meaning I don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t see what is wrong with that. I don’t need to think about him right now.
And I did this so that maybe he will see that I am turning my back on him for good now. And maybe that will make him reconsider. Idk. You are being harsh. Your situation is good. Its easy for you to be harsh
Guys, did I do the right thing? 
Maybe he will just realize he doesn’t want to be with me? Tuesday he was saying I was beautiful that he liked me a lot, stuff like that.
Will me giving him time make everything just worse?
I can’t even organize my thoughts right now
As I’ve told you before…
We cannot control what our exes think or what they’ll decide… and theres not a “magical recipe” to get them back or to maintain a “new relationship”. It depends on a lot of factors… and we can control only a few of them (Most of them are the ones related to ouselves)
So sooner or later we must be honest to ourselves and do what we think that is correct.
If you feel that you must speak with him… well, speak with him!!! And who knows, maybe you’ll see the consequences of that decision in minutes, weeks, months, or who knows. But if you feel that you need more NC (FOR YOURSELF), stick with it!!!
One way or another, Im sure that sooner or later you’ll have contact with him
I don’t know all these details because they weren’t explicitly addressed in your prior posts. I only made a comment about him having to drive and come back over there because he specifically complained about that. Not because I pretend to have any idea as to how far apart you guys are.
You also certainly can change your mind. That being said, since you changed your mind, I stick by what I said. I think you need to let it go for now, and skip talking to him. If it was important enough to do it, it was important enough. If it wasn’t important enough, it wasn’t. It’s one, not both.
I completely understand that you don’t need to think about him right now. Hence me saying repeatedly that it’s time to start taking care of yourself and not think about him. Since you’re already upset and thinking I’m being hostile, I’m just going to flat out say that you’re entirely focusing on him and that it needs to stop. It is pointless right now and does nothing but hurt you more. I don’t want that for you. No one else here wants that for you. YOU don’t want that for you. It’s not easy and I won’t pretend it is. But it takes effort and you do have to put that in.
I may come across as harsh, but I’m just trying to be honest and that’s how you’re interpreting it. You talk about wanting to improve yourself and about wanting to turn your back on him, initiate no contact so maybe he’ll miss you, and then you go as far as calling him, blowing him off, begging us for answers we don’t have, etc. To me, that shows that getting back with him is more important to you at this point than taking care of yourself and I will flat out say it: you will never get him back if you can’t make yourself a priority first. I’m sure you and other people on this board will hate me for saying that, but it had to be thrown out.
I also find it really weird that you lash out and tell me that my situation is so good that of course I’m going to have an easy time being harsh. No, I’m going to have an easy time telling you the truth because it’s what you deserve and what you need if you want to have any hope of getting him back. If I were in your situation, I would want someone to be this blunt with me. I also find it super funny that you say my situation is good so I’m going to be harsh, considering yours was better just recently, and you didn’t speak like this. They’re not related to each other. My boyfriend left me just like yours. I’m struggling here too and I have to deal with the fact that he isn’t here either. I’m not more privileged than you, I haven’t gotten him back, and I haven’t gotten an easy time. Yet I’ve gone out of my way to try and help you and others, while also helping myself, so I have a chance of that working out. My situation isn’t good. It’s just different. You can’t hate me for that.
I’m not hating you and i’m not lashing out. I’m being honest.
I’m doing all this to get back with him. Not for my sake.
He didn’t complain about that, he was nervous. That’s it. He didn’t ask where I was so I’m not guilty of that, he can’t be mad because I am not where he thought I would be. And he can’t be mad about me not wanting to talk after what he just did.
Then you need to fix your priorities. That’s really what it comes down to. Kevin’s whole point, and what you’ll hear from most people on this site, is that you need to be using NC time to work on bettering yourself so you can live without them, not just simply to get him back. Because the fact of the matter is, you might not. If you don’t work on living without him, what are you going to do if it doesn’t work?
He can’t be mad about you not wanting to talk, but he can be mad if you tell him you want him to talk, he drives over, then you change your mind and blow him off. True, he was a jerk this morning, but that’s also just wasting his time. He has a right to be mad as a human being who deserve decent respect, not as an ex-boyfriend who just left you.