Hi guys.
So now my ex is saying he wants me to move on.
This isn’t the end for us but he said that I should move on because he’s worried that he’s going to screw things up forever between us. He said that he’s rather end it now while we’re on good terms then try again and him screw things up and lose me forever.
He still loves me and cares about me but is so afraid of being with me because he doesn’t think he deserves me and hes scared of how intense his feelings are for me.
This was all very random and all of a sudden. We were going good and on the right track, talking about getting back together etc. we had sex and he got really strange (not as in he was using me for sex), he said that it brang up all these feelings/emotions for me.
I’m a bit lost on what to do now?
He still wants to talk and said he wants to help me through this (I’m a bit of an emotional mess as I feel like I’m losing him all over again). So he wanted to still talk and be there for me, so I had someone to lean on.
What do I do now? The feelings are there. We both have massively strong feelings for each other and neither of us were ever bad to each other while in a relationship, he just got so scared about how strongly he felt towards me and ended it but told me that he still loves me and plans on marrying me etc.
do I do another round of NC?
It’s so hard because I know he still loves me and cares about me and plans on marrying me but at this present moment he’s so scared about getting back together incase he messes it up again.
He is a mess too, he is talking non sense… He loves you, but wants you to move on? Oh come on, he is insecure, but this is beyond any logic. How can you love someone and want him to leave? I dont understand him, it might be a game to make you chase him. Did he reach out to you during last NC?
I know! It’s so frustrating, he’s so insecure and doesn’t thinj he deserves me and deserves to be happy and he’s worried that he won’t be able to treat me how I deserve and all that. He’s really scared about how intense his feelings are for me because he’s never felt anything like it and doesn’t want to ruin things completely forever so his logic is that when he’s more stable emotionally and financially he’ll win back my trust no matter how much it takes. So he thinks that if he calls it quits now and presues me later when he’s certain he can make me happy etc then it’ll all be ok. He’s worried that if we get back together he’ll scared again and lose me forever.
So he’s telling me to move on although it’s not necessarily what he wants.
He didn’t contsct me during NC because I told him not too, I told him I needed space and would talk to him when I’m ready, I did 20 days of NC. But he told me he hated it and never wants me to not speak to him again.
He still wants to talk at the moment and he wants to show me his new car, he talked on the phone to me for over 2hrs today as I was a bit emotional. I know he still cares but I just don’t know how to show him that it’s ok to be scared about being inlove, it makes you so vulnerable and that’s ok. He’s never been vulnerable before, he’s never felt this way which is why he’s freaking out because he never believed in love or anything like that.
should I do another round of NC but this time not tell him that I don’t want to talk?
That way he might actually think he’s losing me and see that he’s made a mistake.
Of course you do, he clearly admits he loves you. He needs to realize that you are worth the risk of being hurt or heartbroken even if its not going to happen and you gonna be together forever. Love is risky. Its the most terrifying thing on earth.
Yea, you’re right! It’s so terrifying. But it’s so worth the risk which is why I’m gonna risk it again with him. Just gotta be patience I guess and wait for him to also realise it’s worth the risk.
Thanks heaps for all the advice. You’re an absolute gem x