Hi…
I met this guy a year ago. We had a sweet first date after several over the phone conversation, few weeks later, he started pestering me for sex. I tried to make him understand I want more than just sex with him, but he seem to get upset everytime I turn him down, I noticed he started avoiding me, he stopped coming to visit me and could be like that till I try to get in touch with him again. Last month we meet and we tried to catch up, but after then he stopped talking to me, he won’t reply my texts and won’t pick up my calls either. 3days ago he replied my last txt stating that he is avoiding me cause he finds it hard to control himself whenever he’s around me and he had to keep away so as not to hurt my feelings. And besides, he’s seeing someone else that I should forgive him. I have been so unhappy since then. I broke all the NO CONTACT Rules in your “getting back your ex article” I already sent him 2 msgs within that day and today. I feel I took him for granted and I tried to tell him am sorry and express my true feelings in writing. He still didn’t reply me. Am so confused, what should I do please Kelvin. I just need 1 more chance with him if that’s possible.
I’m a little confused. Why do you feel like you took him for granted and what do you need to apologize for? From what you said it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. You decided not to have sex with him right away which is a good thing. If he was getting mad bc you wouldn’t have sex with him then he’s probably not the right person for you. If he wanted a relationship with you he would have respected your wishes.
I don’t understand the part where you said “he told you he’s avoiding you bc he can’t control himself around you” Did he also tell you that he is seeing someone else and you should forgive him or did you say that? Sorry just confused about that part.
From what you’ve said he doesn’t sound like a guy that deserves you. Have the two of you ever talked about being in a relationship?
Thanks bella830,
Now I have a better understanding of his txt.
The last time we saw we got close to having sex due to the catch up and the space we gave eachoda. So for him to say he’s seeing someone else and not able to control himself around me simply means he doesn’t have any feelings for me and would only be hurting my emotions more if he keeps coming.
I feel so hurt now bc I love this guy and wish he was a little patient. I feel guilty bc I know I should have given more time to know what he truly wants and how to work arnd it order than avoiding him cus he pesters for sex.
what I need now is what to do to get totally healed from this.
I am sorry but I really don’t think he sounds like a relationship material. You said he pestered you for sex and then cut you off when you didnt give him your body.You actually gave out the answer yourself whether you should want this guy or not. You are just unnecessarily blaming yourself,really.
I dont’t know how old are you two but all I would say is if a guy doesn’t understand and respect your decision to wait on sex, HE IS AN A*****E. PERIOD! He may have an urge,yes,that’s perfectly normal but he would never ever pester you for it. I can bet a blank cheque that this guy would have not stayed with you even if you had offered him your body. Only difference is that the breakup would have happened few days/months after.That’s all. What do you think is better? He brokeup with you now and is now hunting for someone else who would satisfy his animal spirits. Or,you reluctantly hesitantly giving him your body,he enjoying it a few times,getting bored after quenching his animal spirits (yes,these kind of people get bored after getting what they want) and then breaking up with you in search of a new body. What would have been better? So yes, you should be happy things broke off sooner with such a guy.
Again,I am judging him purely based on your description and because I know such people do exist. They seek nothing more than satisfying their hormones.That’s all.
So be proud of sticking to your decision of not letting him have sex with you. This should not be too tough to help you heal. You apologizing to him is doing nothing but having him disrespect you more.
Thank Gia,
I dont know why I feel bad about this. These days everything reminds me of him, songs, movies even a car that looks like his. It’s just so hard to breathe sometimes. I hope this goes away soon.
Every time, the thought that he might come back for me, then a second thought that he might be happy with his newly found love…just drives me crazy.
You’re dodging a bullet, Teena. This is one-sided.
From what I’ve read, this guy doesn’t seem to be about love. He wants sex. I have complete confidence that he would’ve broken up with you after you gave yourself to him. You deserve love and respect. This guy is NOT relationship material.
As Gia said, some people are solely about the chase. They’re about the sexual prey, and once they have it… usually they move on.
Don’t talk to him. At all! Soon, you will heal and realize just how utterly messed up this guy was…
I’m a guy, and it hurts my heart that you would fight for someone like this. Women deserve respect. And if a man wont give it to you… give it to yourself. Do not fight for this guy. Do not give up your body just to make him happy. If he truly loved you, he would’ve waited.
I’m not living in the clouds. Sex is important for connectivity in a relationship. There’s a level of intimacy and innate sexual desires that need to be met. However, there are other important things that need to be established first (imo)… like real love, respect, understanding, emotional safety… list goes on. He can’t give that to you… so don’t give him sex. period.
Hey Teena,
Sorry it took me a while to get back. I have to agree with what everyone else. I understand that you have feelings for this guy, he probably led you to believe he wanted a relationship with you. Just like the others said, he seems to only be interested in getting laid right now & you want and deserve someone who cares about YOU. I’m sure he’s said things that seem genuine but when a guy is just after sex he’ll say anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was treating the other girl this way too. Believe me, I’ve learned my lesson with a few guys that sound just like this one & you don’t want to waste your time. It’s not going to lead you anywhere besides more heartache. The best way to move on & heal from this is to put him in the past. If he calls you try & ignore it. If you keep talking to him it will take longer to get over him. Try keeping yourself busy with things you enjoy. Be open to meeting someone new, that’s the best way to take your mind off him. I’m sure you’ll meet someone that actually respects you & will make you happy. Please don’t blame yourself for not giving him more time. More time for what? It probably wouldn’t have made a difference. I hope you don’t mind me being honest with you. It’s just sad to hear you doubt & blame yourself when you did nothing wrong. How have you been, have you had contact with him?
Thank you everyone. You guys should know reading these really is helping me get through. @ Bella, haven’t heard anything from him and I don’t think I want to anymore. I know there would be times when I would find it hard but I am determined to stand strong and work more on my self.
I could remember telling him I didn’t want sex cus I av had same experience and wouldn’t want to repeat the mistake and his response was that I wanted punishing him based on my past experience, maybe I should not have told b him that tho.
Now I think i want to focus on myself and stay away from finding someone new to heal, healing on my own would do.
I’m glad your starting to realize this situation isn’t worth it. The comment he made about “you punishing him based on your past experiences” is a bunch of bull. I’ve actually heard that same line before from a guy I didn’t want to have sex with yet. They try to make us second guess our decision.
hello guys,
So he saw me 2weeks ago while i was with a college old friend (we were just hanging out). i didn’t see him but he called, asking if the guy with me was the new guy. i was furious,i asked what sort of question was that and hung up on him.
He open a chat a week after, apologizing for what he did, claimed he did what he had to do to protect the both of us, he added that he likes me so much and didnt want to hurt me as he always try to control himself whenever he’s around me, and he cudnt bear it anymore, he had to just leave.
He also said he doesnt want anything but he just wanted to tell me hes sorry for all that happened.(but i get the feeling hes up to something) cus he initiates chat like evryday ever since i told him i forgave him. asking how my day went, asking if i slept well.
please house, am i wrong talking to him? should i just ignore and forget him totally? i never asked of his “someone new” since he hasnt said anything about getting back with me.
what do i do plsss?
Edit: For anyone reading this thread, please read this article on what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else