He suggested to get serious, and then broke up with me out of nowhere

Hi everyone.
I guess, like everyone else here, I’m heartbroken, wondering what went wrong and want a guy I’ve been dating back. Our relationship was short, only 2 month, but we have started getting close, and he has showered me with lots of attention, courtship and affection.

We met online, chatted, then he called me on the phone a couple of times, and we had our first date at the beginning of July. Spent the whole day together (started as a lunch date, but then we walked around downtown, lake, saw some street performances, and ended up going for a beer in the evening). He was a fun and interesting person, yet I haven’t really felt crazy chemistry or passion. He was trying though, and I just kept going out with him once a week. Eventually it turned into a regular casual weekly thing. I’ve been seeing other people, he probably have too. I didn’t really care that much.

He was working really hard to impress me, planned very long and active dates (like going to the amusement park, zoo, the beach for the whole day together, not just coffee/dinner) started bringing me small gifts all the time, would compliment me all the time, text every day and call at least a couple of times a week. So eventually, I warmed up to him and he started growing on me. He also would start mentioning how I’m growing on him, and how initially he saw me as “a fun girl who he sees once a week”, but he is discovering how great am I and thinks its developing into smth bigger.

Eventually, I have started coming to his place on Saturdays, staying over night, and then Sunday we’ll spend together doing something fun and active. He started coming to see me during the week sometimes, even though its really hard, cause I live downtown and he is in suburbs, so its a long drive for him with all the traffic, and he has to wake up early for work, and I finish late (I’ve never asked, his initiative 100%). Every morning, I would wake up to his message saying “good morning beautiful, thinking about you”. We even discovered we like the same things in sex. I have one big fantasy, that I don’t share with anyone, but one evening we were drinking, I told him, cause I was tipsy, and apparently, he has exactly the same fantasy, and was very excited, cause he said he was hoping to find someone like that. A few weeks ago, he told me that he thinks, he has the best sex he ever had with me.

At some point, he started testing the waters, and mentioning that he doesn’t see anyone else. He was at the beginning, but now he only wants to see me, and Sunday is his only day off, so he wants to spend it with me. That he dated around, and find all other women he met to be boring and fake, and I’m so much fun and down to earth. First I wasn’t very responsive to that, cause I wasn’t sure about him, and still was dating around, and couldn’t decide which one I want to be with. At some point, I even wanted to end things, cause I felt bad as if I was using him just to go out and have fun, and couldn’t return his feelings. He seemed so much into me than I do. But all of his hard work won me over, and a few weeks ago I have started developing some feelings too. He showed me he is a very honest, nice and genuine guy, who is seriously into me, and I thought I deserve to be treated like that, and needed someone in my life who I can count on.

Still I felt in control, cause he seemed to be obsessed with me, always calling, texting, wanting to meet up and do nice things to me. I liked him a lot too, but not at that level yet, but saw it getting there. We both have been seriously hurt in our past long term relationship (our exes were cheating on us, lots of fights etc.), so since the beginning, he said that he is over that stage where he just wants to sleep around, like most guys do after the break ups, that’s not who he is and he is ready for a relationship, but we both decided, that we want to take things slowly and get to know each other before jumping into something.

So 2 weeks ago, all was still great, and my feelings were starting to get stronger and stronger. He brought up the topic of not seeing other girls again, and I told him I feel the same way. We went on the dating website we met, and deleted our profiles in front of each other. The website asks for a reason why you delete it, and he said, he found someone on there. And then he told me “so, you are my girlfriend now”.

Things were getting better and better. We were even trying to figure when our first date was, so we can celebrate the anniversary next year, and were making plans for our birthdays (both are in January). A week ago, he mentioned he wants me to meet his friends, and that they’ll all love me, he’s been telling them a lot about me. This past weekend, we were supposed to go to my mom’s boyfriend’s cottage (just 2 of us, not meeting family yet, her bf just told me I can use it whenever I want).

I went through our message history to see if there was something wrong. But on Wednesday he’s being texting me like usually, telling me how awesome am I and exchanging jokes and stuff. I was telling him I’ve been working out and my abs hurt, so I have asked him jokingly not to be too funny (we clicked on sense of humour a lot), cause my abs hurt when I’m laughing. He told me that he’ll be extremely funny this weekend (so he was planning on going to the cottage with me on Wednesday). In the evening he called me, to tell me, he is going to take Saturday off, so we can go early. Then we talked a bit, but he seemed to be a little weird. Like nothing really bad, but I was the one talking, and he was very quiet. Normally, he is very sociable and funny, and me too, that’s why we never had problems with being bored, always found something to talk about or joke, but this time, I felt like I had to keep the conversation going all the time. I asked him if everything was ok, and he told me yes and not to worry about it. Then he told me he’ll talk to me tomorrow.

We haven’t spoke next day (Thursday), and Friday morning he sends me a text message, that he won’t be going to the cottage, and he feels that our relationship won’t work out and his heart isn’t in it. I have asked to explain, because I’m very confused, things were going well, and he seemed so much more into it than me, and now he is the one who isn’t into me. He wrote me a longer message, telling me how great am I, and he wants to be honest and not play games with me. He just doesn’t feel he is in love and doesn;t think he will be. The spark isn’t there, and he doesn’t want to keep the relationship going with no potential. Its not fair to me. And that our relationship are getting serious and he is not ready for that. I told him ok, I understand, and we haven’t spoken since then.

I know its only been 2 months, but I’m feeling awful. I don’t understand how can he be all into me, and desperately try to win me over, and suddenly change his mind in a few days out of the blue. I started getting attached and miss him. It was the first weekend we spent apart. I went out with friends, but its not the same. Is it that easy for him? Isn’t he used to see me every weekend? Doesn’t he miss me and think about me, especially yesterday, since Sunday was the day we always spent together and did fun things? Is there anything I can do to get him back? If he was so much into me, can’t I reignite this spark somehow? I get the no contact, and what’s then? Our relationship wasn’t that long, so should I still try to do 30 days or it can be less> If he doesn’t contact me, what should I say or do? I don’t think I’ve been too clingy, we only saw each other 1-2 times a week, I would still see my friends and he saw his, he always initiated texts and calls. I thought I might have been a bit annoying on the phone on Wednesday, because I did freak out a bit over him being unusually quiet, and I started to get worry. Maybe I should try to apologize for it, and explain that I’m not normally like that. I just kind of relaxed and stopped filtering myself…

Thanks everyone in advance

Also, do you guys think a no contact is the only way? I feel like my situation is different, cause most of the break ups here I’ve read about happen after longer periods of time when people are having too many fights or one of the partners messes up. We were still in a honeymoon stage and haven’t had a single fight. And I also hard to believe that what he is telling me is true, about not having feelings for me, cause just 2 days before, he was telling me he is thinking about me, sending me kisses and flowers via text and making plans. Feelings don’t change in 1 day, and usually if there is no chemistry people would know after a first few dates. I did it to guys too, but we just went out a few times, and I felt its not going to work out, I haven’t made future plans with them, spend entire weekends together and told them I’m thinking about them every single day. A person just can’t decide that he wants to be in a relationship and change his mind out of the blue. I believe that something must have happened in his life that he doesn’t want to tell me about, or maybe I have said smth that turned him off, but its stupid to break up over one thing that turned you off, if before you were obsessed with that person.

Do you guys think its a good idea, to try to talk to him first and maybe figure out what exactly went wrong? Like, I don’t even know what I should be working on during the NC. Maybe I should send him a message to let him know how I really feel, and ask if there is anything we can talk about and try to fix things? I’ve actually never told him how much I like him, but was showing more affection than at first lately. Just told him he was great, and I like hanging out with him, and that he started growing on me as well. And accepted a break up pretty calmly, so maybe he is thinking, I’m not really into him. Or maybe, I’m just being dumb, cause I’m hurt

@strawberry daiquiri, when I read your story it felt like I was reading my life. I can so relate to you. The same thing has happened, but my relationship lasted for 3 months. My ex behaved the same way as your ex did. I did NC for 2 months, and the 60 days ended on his birthday, I wished him via text and also called but I wasn’t expecting such cold reaction from him. What you wrote is the same thing that’s going on in my mind “I know its only been 3 months, but I’m feeling awful. I don’t understand how can he be all into me, and desperately try to win me over, and suddenly change his mind in a few days out of the blue. I started getting attached and miss him. Doesn’t he miss me and think about me, especially on his birthday? I was too clingy when he broke off. I’m still blocked everywhere.”

I suggest you to go with the NC, I guess your ex still has feelings for you. Don’t message him, he’ll be wondering why aren’t you getting anxious, my ex used to wonder about me but I acted way too clingy when he used to check up on me. Stay strong, I know what you’re going through, we are in the same boat. And yes our situation isn’t different.

So far, I think I have been pretty good with the break up. I wasn’t begging or arguing or anything. Just told him, I’m confused and asked him to explain. Then he gave me more detailed explanation which still didn’t make sense, and told me “Sorry if its not a good answer, but i hope you understand” and I just told him, that I understand."

So your ex contacted you after? How long after? We haven’t talked for almost a week. What did he write, and how did you respond?

That’s good that you kept calm. The confusion is bound to happen though. I’m glad you’re staying strong.

I was too clingy and he understood that, he even said that after a month the pain will go away. But the matter turned worst when we made out after the break up which confused him even more. He says that he’s emotionally unavailable hence he’s not ready for a relationship. My friend kept in touch with my ex, hence he used to ask her how I was doing.

I made the matter worst when I sent him a emotional letter, for which he felt very guilty and said that he was a jerk. I know that he still has feelings for me but it hurts me more that he thinks he’s not good for me. We both had bad previous exes.

The last I spoke to him was on his bday, i.e. after 2 months, just for a min but I got a very cold vibe from him. I wished him well and he said that he wished the same for me. He told me to remember that “Life is beyond this and that I deserve better”

I only replied to your post coz I could relate to you. I hope you be strong :slight_smile:

I meant that yours is the first post I commented on. I hope I didn’t sound rude.

@strawberry daiquiri, how are you? just wanted to check how’s everything?