Ok so he just called me back as I asked him. We had a short talk for 5 minutes. I said I was really worried, what happened? I saw your status on facebook and got really worried! He said he doesn’t even know why he posted that, that was more just to get it out of his chest. I asked if he did meet with a friend and talked. He said he just went for a ride and went home. That one of his friends called him and he talked with him.
That seems weird to me. He wanted a drink and all… maybe he met up with a girl and didn’t want to tell me.
Also I said something I shouldnt. I said you can talk to me when you need it. He said I know thank you. And I went like “it doesnt seem to me you know that” I think it came out angry i was just so nervous worried a bit sad too…
He said he is stressed with work briefly told me some things that are going on. Thanked me for calling and said after his class later tonight he could call and we could talk a bit more. I said ok, if you want you can meet for a coffee and you can talk. Im gonna be in that area at night so we can meet up.
He said I dont know what im gonna do if im going home or bla bla bla (it was noisy). Well… I guess he doesnt want to be with me… But he said again he would call
Honestly I’m really mad. I’m on the verge of having a talk to him and calling it quits if he doesn’t seem more eager to make things work. I feel like it’s over. Before he said he wanted things to work out but wasnt ready (1 month ago and told our mutual friend the same 2 weeks ago)
I don’t know what else to do. I 100% want him back. And don’t mind doing more stuff to try to get back. But I don’t know what else. If he said “I really REALLY want to get back but I don’t feel I can make things right right now”. Ok. I would say lets do this together. If he is like I dont know I would like it to work out eventually but I don’t know if I will ever get there or whatever. I don’t know what else I can do. I’m getting more and more pissed off by the day.
Please someone give me some perspective, help me solve this out. Please
It’s good that he responded to your text and that he called you back. I think he still thinks he can get you back in an instant, so he’s not worried about trying to get you to love him. You contacted him, so now let him contact you. The worst thing you can do right now is pressure him to make a decision about your relationship, because if you do, he’ll run away. It has to be his decision on his own to want things to work. I know you’re feeling so many emotions right now but it’s so important that you don’t let him know you’re upset. Don’t get so discouraged! We’re here for you.
Kate my dear. It’s been 2 months and 3 weeks since the break up. 3 months in my head is more than enough to get over the negative from a relationship of 5 months and starting to miss me and think about getting back. We havent seen each other or talked for 3 weeks. I thought at least he wouldnt mind seeing me. I told him we could meet and he could talk to me about whats going on to feel better and he didnt even care to have an excuse. Just was lame and said i think im gonna go home after class or go have a coffee and go home (it was noisy im not 100% sure). I don’t get it. The only positive reason I can think of is that he still hasn’t made a decision and doesn’t want to see me because he doesn’t feel ready but is thinking of making his decision. I have no idea. But I’m pissed and sick of this. The two helmets, he seemed to have lied about yesterday or maybe its my head, and the two three times I asked if he wanted to go for a ride and today for a coffee he either says yes or maybe and then nothing.
I could just focus on my stuff and letting time pass. But at this point I think it will only push us further and further away and someday I will have the shocking surprise he is with someone, deleted me on facebook or someting without being prepared for that blow. At least now I can get my power back turn my back before he does and then maybe he wakes up.
Still I am very doubtful of everything so I welcome every opinion. He said he was gonna call today. Im not gonna say anything to him. I am going for a coffee near is faculty(not on purpose) and might even bump into him (again not on purpose) and well thats life. I have my hair done and will be with at least a guy friend.
Another UPDATE: So as he said he called. Actually, he texted and asked if I was still in the area where he has classes. I said yes. We met up for coffee. Now remember I was pissed off. Of course now I’m more happy but still more collected than usual.
He didn’t mind meeting up with me at a place where his friend works and that he goes a lot with a lot of his friends. So either they think we are just friends and he knows they won’t think any of it or he just is ok and doesn’t mind whatever (i’m overthinking right?)
We talked about his work, I talked about trying to get in college. He seemed proud and happy. We talked a few more stuff. It was nice. I didn’t feel he was being more collected than usual, more cold or anything which is a good thing. He was relaxed.
Started talking about his motorcycle rides (from what he said he went by himself on monday). I said he was killing me (he knows how much I love riding). He touched my arm and said sorry. I said yeah you said we were going for a ride and never said anything, in a playful tone. I watched his face change, was waiting for my chance to say “why dont you want to do anything with me anymore” and before I started talking he said “well, I cant this weekend, but what about next weekend? do you want to schedule it there?” (on my phone) I said yeah and he scheduled it too. I was shocked and I hope he couldnt see in my face how happy I was… All good right?
Well… I asked if it was gonna be in the morning, afternoon, or night… Before I could say night he said “no, no, in the morning!”. Like I don’t deserve his afternoon. Like he doesn’t value me. Like he doesn’t really care much and is just keeping me around.
I want to knock the ball out of the park next time. I will either blow him away and he will wake up, or I will have a talk with him. Also I am thinking if I should say I can’t in the morning. So that he knows my time is valuable. And I don’t deserve just scraps. Or I will get someone that will give me their fair time. I got really offended and yes it hurt. I don’t want to accept this. What do you think I should do?
Maybe he already has something planned in the later times of the day? Right now, don’t over think all these details, just go ahead with the letter and see how it goes.
I really feel it’s over… I am thinking of calling tomorrow and asking what hes gonna do in the afternoon. If nothing i will say well morning isnt good for me I go out at night every friday. If he says ah so we cant I’ll just say ok another time then. And thats it. He needs to see I am not here all the time, I have my life too and if he wants to be with me spare decent time
Okay kaila, this could be the biggest mistake you can do! Dont try and overthink… just meet up in the morning and maybe itll go beyond the morning! Anyway your main goal is to meet up with him and make him see what he is missing out on, a girl who is confidant, happy and beautiful! Plus you’ll be pressed against him the whole time since im guessing you’ll be passenger this is good to bring up old feels i say everything is good!
Have you thought that maybe he said morning so that you’ve got more of the day together if it over runs? Or that he doesnt want to waste a second of the day?
I think you are being way too hard on him and yourself and you need to try and be a little more optimistic as it is only stressing you out… The negative feelings are all in your head.
You are so lucky that he is seeing you and wanting to make plans with you, dont jump in with the negativity and insecurities, remember, your trying to show him you’ve changed.
Try not to push him away! I know your excited to see him, but its early days! Would you hassle a friend if they planned something for the morning? If not, then don’t him. As currently, depsite your hopes for the future, that is what you are.
Sorry if you feel im being blunt, i just think youve got a good thing going and id hate for you to lose that oppurtunity! x
I’m pretty sure it’s only for the morning nothing else. He is just giving me the scraps of his time. And I deserve more than that. If he said “do you mind in the morning?” its one think but he said “no no, in the morning” like no way im wasting my afternoon with you. He is friendly with me. Just that. Trust me guys… Please advise me having this into account and not that I am overthinking please
I do think there is a chance I’m making too much fuss. But I need to know what to do in case I am not.
And we broke up 3 months ago. Not early days of break up. And were together only 5 months
@kaila There are a few things you need to remember here!
He isn’t your boyfriend right now, so doesn’t have to answer to you regarding his whereabouts in the afternoon. Asking him makes it looks like you are still insecure, which you’ve told him your not.
Him giving you any of his time is a bonus to many cases I have seen on this site. Don’t read too much into it.
Morning, afternoon and evening are roughly the same length of time, depending on what time you wake and sleep. He’s actually giving you the best one as its the only one that runs into the rest of the day!
You are predicting his thoughts and actions, and predictions are all they are! Only he knows why or what he’s doing! Just let it play out and see what happens…
Seriously, you have a great chance at making this work, you need to be the positive and secure person that your making yourself out to be! If your not that person yet then you should still be doing NC until you are, that’s the point.
Again sorry if I’m blunt but it’s all true and you need to hear it to make this work x
The reason I would ask is to know if he put me in the morning so he could just schedule other things in the afternoon or if he did have already things so this was the only time he could see me. That would change things A LOT. Because if he had his afternoon free and still would rather just shuv me in the morning its not good.
Well yes, given that he is not just, as I said, shuving me into two hours of his morning and then thats it. No more day time.
I would like to give it way more time for me to focus on myself and all. But we were together for 5 months only. Its been 3 already. I dont want him to forget about me or date someone else…
And thank you for your guys advice! No problem being a bit more blunt. I am really thankful
But it shouldn’t matter why or what he’s doing in the afternoon? He’s giving you his morning! Just accept he’s given you some of his time and be thankful for it! Don’t take it for granted…
It’s fine if you don’t wanna give it any more time, just wait for what you’ve got organised and go from there… This is no miracle solution or overnight cure!
pineapple, if I am happy with scraps it’s all I’m gonna get. He needs to see this is not how he should be treating me. I will tell ask if he can another time of the day. If he says oh well i dont know or to reschedule to some other day, I will say oh let me see then what I’m gonna be doing and later in the week I will let you know. I need my power back. That way he knows I’m not gonna be happy and jumping at the opportunity of his scraps, that I have more life too, that if I am second best, he is too.
What I would do in your situation is just talk to him in the morning like you said you would, do not be to pressuring or anything during the conversation, just have a normal conversation with laughs and good times.
Then when it’s time to go, ask if he wants to do it again. When that time comes around, then do it again. Slowly it will get more frequent and then you’ll ease your way back in. It took me about one month. It could take you longer. No rush. Even now, we’re not completely back in love, we’re just talking and in the figuring out how to make it work phase.
I’ve got news actually. So I was really down all day. It was almost his time to get off work so I thought, ok this is it. Called, he answered, a bit cold but he was at work and said he would call in a bit when he got out.
As soon as he did he called me. He seemed relaxed and happy to talk So then I basically said I asked if he already had plans for the afternoon (on that saturday next week). He said not for now. I said that well usually I go out every friday night so it’s not ideal for me. He said “ok, we can do it in the afternoon then. I just said in the morning because the weather is usually better” xD I guess I misinterpreted that one. Anyway I said I didn’t know about the weather thing so I would tell him something wednesday or thursday. He said he would too in case there was a change of plans.
He kept talking about other stuff, we talked about our college aplications. At that point I was getting nervous and rambled a bit I always do that when I am telling something about myself argh. And then I said I was gonna go. I never end the call first and I have read it’s good if we are the ones who do x)
I hope nothing of this will turn back on me.
Thoughts? And thank you for everyones input you are awesome
i was just so nervous worried a bit sad too…
i say everything is good!
